(Closed) FFIL…freaking out and need advice!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t say anything. I know it’s going to be hard to put it out of your mind at first, but you and your mum are right. Telling your Fiance doesn’t do anything but embaress your Future Father-In-Law.

Post # 5
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I suppose I could see where it could bother you from a religious/moral/hypocritical standpoint. And I’m also not sure about well… how you feel about porn or sexual things in general, so there could always be other squicks, and I understand that.

However, maybe if you think about him instead of your Future Father-In-Law, and then just as a normal man with sexual impulses that might help? I mean, it isn’t that deviant (well, depending on the subject of the porn, I suppose) to be looking at pornography in your own house. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but it is his house that you are staying in. It isn’t as if he has personally assaulted you or anything, and I’m sure he didn’t think you could hear it or he wouldn’t have done it with you in the house.

So my advice is maybe come to terms with it yourself or talk to your mom about it again until you can resolve it. Or hey, talk to us. You can feel free to message me if you don’t want to constantly talk about it on the board.


Post # 6
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is kinda awkward :/ But if it wasn’t child pornography or anything harmful I don’t think it’s really your business. Men look at porn. Hell, women watch porn too. I think people make it out to be something much more dramatic than it really needs to be. If I’m understanding this right, this is his house and his computer? If so then yeah, I’d let it go. As far as being worried about being alone with him in the house, has he ever done anything to make you think he would sexually assault you? Just watching porn online doesn’t make one a dangerous sexual deviant. Yeah, it’s kinda gross that he’s doing it in a public area of the house while there are other people home. You said the computer is in the “office.” Is this a separate room with a door that can shut? Or are we talking about a really common area like a living/dining room? This would make a difference to me.

I know you said you dislike him for other reasons but honestly I feel kinda sorry for the guy, just trying to get a little “me time” in. I get that it’s super hypocritical of him to make a big deal about you guys sleeping together if he’s going to do other things that go against his religious preaching, but there’s not really anything you can do about that. You can feel better about yourself, if you’d like, when he gets judgey on you 😉 You have that ammo now, I would just strongly caution against using it. It’s not going to help anyone.

I totally understand not wanting to accidentally see/hear porn while you’re at home alone with him though. If it were me, I would just be very loud when walking around the house so as to make my presence known. Maybe go out for a while and announce “Hey, I’m going to XYZ for a couple hours. Need anything while I’m out?” 

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