(Closed) FFIL….screw him!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I honestly believe you should have a talk with your fi about standing up for you with his family. I don’t believe he handle the situation correctly and I think walking away from your Future Father-In-Law while he was making fun of you was the best option.

Post # 5
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Your FH needs to have a serious talk with him. It is not okay for him to talk to you like that (even if he was joking). Do you think that he is having a hard time dealing with the fact that your FH is a man now and has a household to tend to (instead of him)? 

Post # 6
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My ILs razz each other all the time too and it took me a really long time to get used to it. You need to speak with your Fiance and ask him to put a stop to situations like that.  In the end though, you have to ignore it. Some people just love the sound of their own voice.

Post # 7
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you need to speak to your fiance and let him know how disappointed you were in his reaction.  You guys are a team, and you should stand by each other and defend each other in situations like this. 

But I don’t think you should tell you fiance to go talk to his father about this.  I think you should go talk to you Future Father-In-Law yourself.  Talk to him one on one and let him know how he made you feel.  If he refuses to apologize, or change his ways, you’ll just have to evaluate whether or not you want to put forth the effort to have a relationship with this person.  He is your Future Father-In-Law, and I hope you can have a good realtionship for the sake of your Fiance and you child.  But I personally would not be willing to spend time with someone who refuses to treat me with respect.  And your fiance shouldn’t want to be around someone who doesn’t respect you either.

Post # 8
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think he was being straight up mean.  Couples can divide the household duties in whatever way works for them, and it’s none of his business how your family approaches that.  You should not have to defend the fact that you have allergies.  AND your fiance does need to be in the loop about your expectations as far as having one another’s back.  He might think it’s fine to watch his dad piss you off, but he has to go home with you at the end of the day, and he’s going to find himself in some ugly situations if he doesn’t view you as his #1 (in addition to your son, of course).  If my fiancee did that to me, trust and believe we would have a conversation – and if I did it to her, I would expect to be in hot water too. 

In short, I’m with you.  I think it’s unacceptable.

Post # 9
40 posts

Fiance should have stuck up for you. Since you two are getting married you come before his family. He needs to realize that. Definitley talk to him. Your Future Father-In-Law sounds like a jerk. Maybe Fiance didnt stand up for you because he is used to his father being like that and didnt think it was a big deal.  Hopefully you can limit contact with him only on important holidays.

Post # 11
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I thnk you will probably never change your father in law.   It sounds like to survive in that family you will have to develop a thicker skin and give him a dose of his own medicine.  Put him on the spot and make him uncomfortable.  I think I would have ended up screaming in his face.

Post # 12
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i agree with eeniebeans.. if you dont get tougher skin you will keep on getting upset and having fights with Fiance about silly things that his dad or family are saying. u have to remember that its hard for some people to take criticism about ppl they love. yes you and him are a team but this is his DAD so he doesnt want to constantly feel that he has to take sides.. rather than get mad at everything he says just have a smart answer ready or ignore him and laugh it off, in the end who really cares what Future Father-In-Law thinks? he isnt going to be living with you 

Post # 14
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

All I can say is that I am SO so sorry. I recently married into a very opinionated, tease-joke-“poke fun” kind of family and I’m finding it hard to adjust myself.

In my family, sarcasm and teasing were ONLY reserved for fights! My parents never teased us, unless they were so mad at us that once they were done yelling they’d throw in one last sarcastic remark to hurt us. It was the kiss of death, so it’s no wonder that I don’t hande my Father-In-Law well at all either.

In fact, I was just subjecting other bees to a rant about my Father-In-Law the other day: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/new-jersey-beat-me-up

I’m not sure how to learn to have a thicker skin like EVERYONE suggests because how do you grow a thicker skin around assholery?! It’s like saying you should just “get used” to being punched in the face. Well, NO! If they are too rough with me, I should be able to say something. Which I do…. but whether or noti stops their behavior is another matter. My Father-In-Law just resorts to sexism when confronted and responds that it’s just “my juices” messing with my judgement.

Post # 15
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This sounds a lot like my Future Father-In-Law as well. He is a major smartass. He thinks pulling pranks on people and being an ass is hilarious, and the man is 67 yrs old!! He seriously acts like he’s 12.  One time at his house I had taken my e-ring off before going to bed because I can’t stand sleeping in it. So the next morning, I leave, and I forget my ring at his house because he decided it would be funny to hide it. Yeah…real hilarious old man. But my Future Father-In-Law is the same way-he doesn’t believe in allergies, he doesn’t believe in migraines. So yeah I’m sure he feels the same way about me.

oh and he’s also super sexist, anytime I cook, clean, do laundry etc at their house, he jokes about how Fiance has me “trained” and how I’m finally doing “what I’m supposed to be doing” yeah. I’m afraid one day I’m going to punch him in the face.

Post # 16
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Dealing with this man may just take a blow-off flippant answer.

It may not be satisfying or a solution, but I would practice my best “Whatever!” and be able to walk away or not talk about it anymore. Remember, this guy probably LOVES getting the last word, so if you can give him a one-word answer and not respond again, YOU WILL WIN. Screaming or fighting with him will only give him what he wants.

If you don’t want to be that abrupt, you can always give him the “Think what you want” answer. Then it’s like you’re giving him permission – which is frustrating for him because he’s no longer in control. A shrug goes a long way.

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