(Closed) FG Vent – what do you want us to do exactly?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I love that my Fiance is involved, and he’s come up with some fantastic ideas.  He knows that I have a vision of what I want, but it’s also his wedding, and he has ideas as well. 

I think this post is unfair to the many brides who are including their future husbands in the decisions. 

Post # 5
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Um… is this in response to posts made by everyone else, or OP’s personal issue with his/her situation?

Post # 6
Member
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Grixis857:  Can you elaborate at all?  It’s hard for any of us to offer opinions or encouragement if you’re going be this vague about the “short stick” and “dealing with” BMs. 

Post # 7
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It took me so damned long to figure out that FB and Flower Girl are future bride and future groom.  Am I right?  Did I get it?

Post # 8
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Juliepants:  I was wondering why he was venting about the flower girl…. Undecided

Post # 9
Member
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MissBoPeep:  Haha I love it!  I thought that at first too.  Like Juliepants, it took me a few reads to figure out bride and groom!  🙂   

Post # 10
Member
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

To answer the question, I guess if you are being treated that way it is understandable that you would not be into the planning part as much.  And also probably most guys aren’t that much into the dress, flowers, music, shoes thing as we are.  It’s natural that these seem to be more feminine things to be interested in.  In my case I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of being a bride.  Never had a bride doll.  I was more the independent and adventurous type.  But some girls have been dreaming about this their entire life.  So, if you have issues with feeling left out or unheard in your wishes, speak up.  It is your wedding, too.  And you have a right to be part of the planning and have your needs and desires about the ceremony met, just as much as your bride does.  I’m lucky that my Fiance is more into helping with planning than most, maybe, but I try to not push my luck.  I know he’s probably getting a little sick of looking at bride mags with me.  He’s more interested in the honeymoon plans, lol.  But, he is making his preferences known.  Which kind of surprised me at first, but I’m truly glad to have his input and know that he cares.  Try talking to her.

Post # 11
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My FI’s involvement is a) listening to me tell him about my “final choices” (e.g. the few vendors I’ve narrowed it down to) and discussing them until we (usually I) reach a conclusion; b) veto power; and c) dealing with his best man and family.

My Fiance has absolutely no desire to get involved in my intricate spreadsheets, vendor detail sheets or contract negotiations.  He gives input when I ask for it and listens when I need him to.  Occasionally he vetos things, which I respect.  He knows the names of all of our vendors, approved my choices of those vendors and will meet with them at the “Big Meeting” with me. 

I think that you should be as involved as you like, but if you are going to demand to be part of everything you better take on some of the burden too.

A good example is our menu.  I went through 150 pages of menus, highlighted, annotated and tagged it.  Then, I sat down with Fiance and went over it with him to get his approval/input of my work.  He had a couple of suggestions/revisions (pork instead of turkey, etc) and then I spent the time finalizing it.  We worked together, but the brunt of the decision making and workload fell to me.

Post # 12
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it is a hard balance to find: involving the groom in his own wedding & not boring him to death with details that he doesn’t care about. My fiance has strong opinions about some things, but doesn’t really care “as much” as I do about some of the little things (like flowers). For these things, I usually narrow it down to my favorites, and then he gives me input on those. Other things, like food, he cares a lot about, so he chose what he wanted (beef brisket & roast sweet potatoes), and I worked out the details with the caterer (subject to his approval, of course). I think each couple needs to find out what system works out best for them & strike their own balance. And each person (bride & groom) needs to realize that some things that are important to him/her might not be important to the other person, and that, when something is important to both of them, BOTH opinions are valid and should be considered.

Post # 13
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

oh jeez.  I thought FB was Facebook..  I was totally lost

Post # 15
Member
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it depends on the couple and the dynamics of the relationship.  I want my Fiance involved in the decision-making process.  But some other brides may want to handle everything themselves.  It’s not an all-or-nothing kind of question. 

Post # 16
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My problem with Fi vetoing things is he didnt want to do the reasearch to come up with another idea! I say if Fi i wants to help with the planning he actually has to help not just veto all my ideas! But the bride (ME) also needs to learn to give up some control and listen to his ideas too!

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