- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Sometimes I wonder if the stress of always being the bigger person is actually worth it. For those of you not familiar with my situation, my future family has been exceptionally clingy to FH since he moved to be with me, eight hours away from his family. We’re getting married and we’re grown adults, this is normal right? Apparently this is simply not-okay with his family… not only that but I will describe a situation that happened last night which they consider a ‘breach of faithfulness’… *to me, you might ask* … um no. To them. It’s complicated.
I am unable to travel to my FH’s brother’s wedding next week. It happens to fall on a Friday and Fh is the only ride I have and is leaving Wednesday morning. I am in my senior year of classes and some of my seminar classes have only one skip (if I’m lucky)… I cannot. Repeat. Cannot. Miss two,much less three days of class. The latest I could get there would be Thursday but that’s still two days. One absence and I am automatically failed. Harsh, I know. But that’s just my school. My older sister had similar circumstances her senior year and the only excused class would be if it was a family emergency, or you yourself were in the ER. I’ve talked to my superiors and the same holds true for me.
FH also brought this up as soon as his brother got engaged. I sat down with him and his fiance and explained as much as I’d love to help I was 99% sure I wasn’t going to be able to make it. At the time they both understood and said they’d miss me, but didn’t want me to miss school.
This was 4 months ago. I RSVP’d no to my invite, took every precaution they completely understood I wouldn’t be able to make it due to my hectic senior schedule. No, I’m not a fan of their family at all… but I was very thankful they understood.
Fast forward to last night, FMIl has thrown fits in the past directed at FH for not going up due to his job, etc. Last night’s rant was pointed at me though. In all the months we’ve been together she’d hardly called me and never listens when she does. Talks about FH’s brother’s wedding and hangs up after ‘chit-chatting’, meaningless convo. Anyway, she called me last night to suggest ways I might travel up for her other son’s wedding. I calmly explained to her again my circumstances, only this time she wouldn’t have it.
She ended up exploding at me over the phone telling me how they had seated me at the head table, etc (why they did this after I told them for months I couldn’t make it… idk). She said it all sounded like excuses (to which I replied, no I was honestly sad I couldn’t make it… but if Future Brother-In-Law or Future Sister-In-Law had issues with this they should contact me and I can explain it to them as well). She proceeded to attack my character and my values, claiming FH and I were distancing ourselves from the family and insinuating I would be a horrible wife and mother if I chose this career path and it always took me away from my family, etc. I tried reasoning with her, although these accusations hurt more than anything. She ended up hanging up after half an hour of berating me, saying she would ‘think about it’ and get back with me once she decided whether or not I was lying. WTH….. :/ She also took everything I know FH has said to her about including her and twisted it around to make him sound like a total b******. FH overheard our entire conversation and had a hard time believing what was coming out of her mouth.
FH’s family has no reason to doubt my character AT ALL. I’ve always kept communication open with them, although they’ve rarely responded to me or FH’s attempts. I have no idea how his siblings feel about this but no doubtedly are going to get a messed up-version of what is going on from his parents.
About 20 minutes after I hung up with Future Mother-In-Law, my guy gets a text on his phone from his dad saying “I’m hopping mad right now. I can’t believe this. This is a breach of faithfullness and an affront” (exact words)
FH went on to reason with his dad but I could tell it was going nowhere. FFIl only ended up ‘threatening’ us with the news that our Future Sister-In-Law may not make it to our wedding (she is a hairdresser and I know new year’s is a crazy time for them)…. to which we honestly responded we’d miss her, but would completely understand if she was too booked to take off a few days to come down for our wedding.
I think after Future Father-In-Law and FMIl saw they were going nowhere, they stopped communicating. However, I know they are both probably going to call FH today and give him what-for. IT’s not even like we made this choice maliciously… I swear I am writing down all the FACTS here, not even a biased account. I have no choice in this and it pains me to hear them say to me “there are going to be serious ramifications because of this and I hope you realize you are going to have to make up big time”…..
I’m not even joking. Everything I’m quoting is exact wording from them.
FH andI talked to my mom last night and she prayed with us. I could tell she was very upset and even cried with me when I burst into tears telling her all the accusations his mother said against me. She told me to call Future Mother-In-Law in a few days to make sure things were okay, or just to see if she was still upset.
Hell no! I wouldn’t call that crazy lady back if it was the last thing I did! ( I probably will but wanted to see what you bees thought first)… I hate hate hate being the bigger person along with FH. Right now I have no idea how this is going to play out. I don’t know if we should cut his parents out of our lives entirely while still trying to be involved with his siblings. This is a toxic relationship to us and I don’t see how it can ever be mended. 🙁