(Closed) FH and I could use thoughts/prayers today! (long, sorry)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Since when does “no” mean “she’s still coming”??  This is clearly a stressful situation for anyone, let alone someone with health issues.  I really hope you don’t let this get to you, although I know how difficult that would be considering these are your future in-laws.  Hang in there girl.

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Poor thing. They are being ridiculously unreasonable, and I’d have a hard time wanting to be bothered with them too if this was the way they treated me. Your FH is going to be there, so why is it horrible that you can’t be? Sheesh!

I wouldn’t let them intimidate or threaten me either. They’ll have to accept what IS, move on and get over it, or they’ll lose their son altogether. How stupid and selfish of them. 🙁

Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How far is the wedding from where you live, can you come to some type of compromise and leave with your FH on thursday night? These people are going to be in your lives for a long time to come so I would just bite my tongue and choose my battles. IF they really want you to be there that badly I’m thinking its better than them excluding you from everything and not caring if you show up or not.  

Post # 7
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am sorry you are having to go through such a frustrating situation.  It sounds like you and your Fiance are handling it as best you can.  Really, it needs to be your FI’s call whether they get cut out of your lives, but it sounds like he is exasperated, too.  As long as you stay calm, collected, and keep the emotions out of the convos with FMIL/FFIL, you will win.  They can scream and rant and gripe all they want, but the facts are the facts.  One way to keep things smooth with FSIL/FBIL is to write them a card/note saying how much you wish you could go, and wishing them all the best on their big day.  That will be a positive gesture to combat whatever Future Mother-In-Law is saying behind your back.  As far as the stress and your heart condition goes, pray/meditate/light exercise/etc and know that whatever happens, you have your Fiance.  You will be each other’s chosen family, no matter what anyone else has to say.  (And, when in doubt, pull up a YouTube of Lion King’s Hakuna Mata; never fails to make me smile and breath easier!)

Post # 8
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

When will people learn that threatening and bullying does not incite grown adults into doing what you want?

 

I feel really sorry for you- it sucks. Kill em with kindness is my advice. trying to villianize someone who is nothing but nice to you makes them seem like the bad guy. 

Post # 10
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am so sorry!! This is a crazy situation, I can only imagine how stressful it is on you!! They shouldnt have added you into the count especially because you RSVP’d no! There has to be underlying issues on why his parents are acting like this! Maybe they just feel disconnected, or they feel like they are losing their son or something like that. Hang in there. Im glad that you are sticking to your guns though. Its not worth it to fail a semester of classes just to go to a wedding, family or not! I hope things get better for you!

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SimplyChic11: First off: HUUUUUUUGS!!!!!!  

Secondly…. they’re bullies.  You DO NOT want to give in or give way to a bully.  It sounds like they’re using emotional blackmail along with the bullying/threats to get what THEY want.  (My Fiance is the one with all the psychology knowledge, not me, so I’m guessing here.)  (In a word, it’s abuse.  Emotional and mental abuse.)

Regardless, you can’t let them rule you.  You AND your Fiance have to stand up to them and pretty much ‘put them in their place’.  

My mom tried all these tactics with me.  Even AFTER I moved (I was living with her for years), she would try to bully me into doing what SHE wanted.  It was a lot easier to just hang up on her when I didn’t live with her, lol.  I’ve now reached the point where I’ll just hand the phone over to my Fiance and turn him loose on her.  The same with my brother, who’s even WORSE about trying to bully me.  (My brother is 4 years older than me and has bullied/tried bullying me all my freaking life.)

 

Instead of calling your Future Mother-In-Law, call the bride and groom.  Apologize again, explain the situation, and calmly explain you’re calling because your Future Mother-In-Law called YOU.  IF you have a good relationship with THEM, tell them what was said/done, but only if they’d be inclined to a) believe you and b)sympathize with you.

So so sorry you’re dealing with this!  *HUGS!!!!*  

Post # 12
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SimplyChic11: SO SORRY you have to deal with this…

I think that they always get their way and now that they dont, its turned into this big ordeal.

HUGS!!

Post # 13
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@MissHobbit:

+ 1 to what she said, added in: Distance yourself. I do believe, for the sake of your health, this is what your Fiance and you must do.

it’s not a perfect ending or even a good one but they have made it clear that this drama laden crap is acceptable in their lives.

 

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