- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
This isn’t a vent since I’m not really angry, just sad right now. I needed somewhere to write this even if no one reads, it’s okay.
I just found my dear man in tears because life’s gotten us both down pretty hard and he has a hard time faking being okay lately. It tore me up seeing him so upset.
1. He has no job and is trying so hard to get one anywhere he can. Where we live is super hard to find a job anywhere so we’re really stepping out in faith when we planned our wedding. We know we want to be together through whatever happens and hopefully by December/Jan things will be easier financially. I know he feels like he’s failing me every day but he works so hard and doesn’t always see that it’s not his fault right now… it’s just a rough economy. I’ve been reminding him almost daily something will turn up, praying and asking around to anyone I know of any openings.
2. I’ve been medically depressed for a few months now. It’s completely physical and my dr’s are stumped as to what to do. No meds seem to help and right now I live between trying to do things I used to love and herbal remedies since all the anti-depressants I have tried haven’t worked or have such bad side effects I cannot sleep on them.
3. FH’s family has been difficult for us both to handle during this time. They are 8 hours away and his brother is getting married in Sept where they live, he named FH one of the two best men and he and his fiance and my FH’s family expect him to leave me and be able to drive that far multiple times before and for the wedding/shower, etc. My FH doesn’t want to be a part of this but really felt like he had no choice, so he’s working so hard for me and a job here and spread thin trying to gather up enough money for gas for trips for his brother’s fiance. Right now we don’t have the money for the hundred+ dollar suit they want him to buy for their wedding.
I feel so bad for my guy right now, wishing I could be there for him more and that his family would be understanding but sometimes they aren’t. Oftentimes even getting an invitation to a surprise shower for his brother was enough for me to be unreasonably angry at them, probably due to depression. His family expects him to do so much for this wedding and yet are unwilling to visit us or even help out financially.
I’ve been trying to be happier or at least act like it, trying to be stronger for FH than I have been because I finally realized how crappy the whole situation is for him as well. His brother is def. more well off than we are and although I never tell FH this, I sometimes worry about us and how we’re even going to get through our first year together.
I hope it will all work out, but right now it makes me very sad and I just wanted to tell someone or write it out here.