(Closed) deleted-

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

He got drunk. It happens. He didn’t cheat or die, or get in a car crash and kill someone. Just calm down. He knows he messed up. You guys had a fight, not everyone and their mom needs to be involved in this.

Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That sucks. :/ Fiance has only turned his phone off (during an argument) a few times before, and it was AWFUL. We generally never do that to each other. I’m sure you’ll both work it out once he gets home. Take a deep breath. <3

Post # 5
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

its a bachelor party. he got drunk. it happens. as long as he comes back in one piece, I would let it go. If the drinking is a repeated problem for him address tha tif it proves to be a problem. I really kind of feel like this is being blown up a bit.

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Trust him to be out there and have a good time. Sometimes people make poor choices. It’s a bachelor party I wouldn’t have even expected Darling Husband to call me and text me all day. I wouldn’t want him to be that guy.

Post # 8
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Given his past I think you do have grounds to be concerned. Hopefully he will open about what was bothering him and you guys can get him back on track. How was his brother when you talked to him? you said he asked if you were alright-does FH’s family agree that he use to have a problem?

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you’re mostly mad about other things and using the drinking thing as an excuse to act out. Bachelor parties are always unorganized, unpredictable and crazy so give him a little leeway with the not calling thing. And everyone messes up every now and then, this is one time getting drunk in years so I’d let it go if I were you.

Post # 10
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it at this point. If it starts happening more and more, then worry.

Post # 12
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@SimplyChic11: well I think then that if this is the first time since he quit you shouldnt be too hard on him. You should most definitely let him know that it would hurt you to see him go back down that road but one slip up is hardly a reason to start freaking out….yet. its very hard to resist in a situation such as a bachelor party. If he said he wouldnt but he did it may not be that he intended to go back on what he promised but the pressure from the guys he was with and the environment may have gotten the best of him. Im sure as an ex alcoholic (this is what i gathered from your statements) it bothers him that he over did it and he is probably being hard on himself already. be supportive and let him know that while you are disappointed that you want to be there and help him to work on this and find a more healthy way to cope with situations that for whatever reason he cannot deal with.

Post # 13
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think after all the stress and everything you guys have been going through, he probably just wanted to relax.  I wouldn’t overanalyze it.  Wedding planning can be hell, and I think everyone is entitled to a couple of free passes.

Post # 14
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SimplyChic11: I know how scary it can feel when you care about someone with a history of dependency issues. you feel like you are about to go down a hill on a bike with your feet off the pedals, just waiting for things to go down hill fast. Hopefully this is just one step back and he will see that he slipped.

ETA:In response to others- In alcoholism there really are no “free passes.” An alcoholic will take a “free pass” and it can cause relapses and starting the whole process of recovery over.

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You really need to relax. I know this whole wedding thing has been built into a stress castle of epic proportions, but at this point, the train has left the station. Maybe try using the time while your Fiance is gone to be nice to yourself and let go of some of that stress so that you aren’t taking it out on him. Eat your favorite stuff that he doesn’t like. Take long soaks in a bubble bath. Watch chick flicks and eat Ben and Jerry’s out of the bucket. Whatever.

In the future, fighting on the phone is a no win situation. If you’re stressed out, bitchy with PMS, whatever, picking a fight is not going to make it better. I’m a big fan of honesty, but when it’s just a stupid fight because you can’t keep your bad mood to yourself, I think the best possible course of action is to fake a good mood and get off the phone as fast as you can. “I’m so tired, I’m going to crash… love you. Call me in the morning, okay?” or, “I am starved! I’ve gotta make something to eat. I love you and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

 

Post # 16
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This may sound harsh, and I don’t mean it to be but I just wanted to say that PMS is not a reason to hurt your Fiance with whatever you said.  It’s a scapegoat.  We can’t say hurtful things and then blame it on PMS… have to be more careful.

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