- 10 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
First off, I am a bee who posts pretty regularly, but since this is a bit embarrasing, I have chosen another name.
My FH does not have a very good job. He makes about $800-1000 a month. This, in itself, does not bother me. I know he is smart and works hard and can find a better job. Plus, I make good money and could support both of us.
It’s not the job that bothers me, it’s the way he handles money. He spends more than he makes every month. I’ve talked to him about it, sat down with him and helped him create a budget, told him how his actions affect both of us from now on, etc. I see areas he could cut out- like drinking with friends, cable, fast food. I know it’s no fun, but he keeps going into more and more debt every month.
About 4 months ago, his car got repossessed. He needs the car to get to work and, after he had exhausted all other options, I offered to LOAN him the money to get the car back. It was not a tiny sum of money to anyone (over $2,000) and, while I had it, it was saved for something I eventually need. He assured me he would start paying me back the next month. I knew he couldn’t unless something changed and so did he, so he was going to move back in with his dad. He asked his dad once, to which he got a maybe response. He never asked again…
Fast forward to now. He promised to start paying me back in March. Then he said he needed to wait until May. Then he said end of June. Now he says he can’t do June either. When I told him he needed to treat me like any other creditor and pay on time every month, his only response was “But you aren’t a bank. You are my fiance.” I am at the end of my rope. I have given him multiple chances. I just can’t marry someone who can’t pay their bills and treats me like the giver of money.
Other things too- like when I went to visit him recently (LDR). He planned a big road trip vacation and then ran out of money after the first 4 days (of a 2 week vacation). So we didn’t get stuck, who paid for the rest? Oh, yes, that would be me. It made me so mad that he KNEW he couldn’t pay for the whole trip, yet he went anyway. I would have been just as happy to stay home with him. Not to mention I don’t have a ring. While I say this is ok with me, deep down I kinda want one. Nothing fancy, just something!
My best friend has told me to break it off, that he’s selfish and will never get it. It’s just very hard, because other than the money issue, he is a great guy. He’s kind, gentle, very loving, respects me and supports me, will make a great father, easy to talk to, etc. We have similar goals and values, yet I seem to be working towards them, while he is just dreaming about them.
I just don’t know what to do. I want counselling for us, but he thinks it’s a waste of money. I just don’t want to give up on an otherwise perfect guy over money, but then again I have built a nice little life for myself and don’t want it squandered by someone else. I’ve spent a lot of time, money and energy on him and our relationship and I hate to give it all up. I’ve been in love with him for 6 years and finally we are together. Please give me advice!!!