(Closed) FH didn’t do thank yous, does it make me look bad?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: If you were family/friend of groom and didn't get a thank you, who would you blame?
    Bride : (15 votes)
    19 %
    Groom : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Both : (59 votes)
    77 %
    Wouldn't care : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1523 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think this reflects poorly on both of you. I would make him write them or help with the sending in some way. I have been to weddings where I have never received a thank you note and it ticks me off. I have friends who have experienced the same thing and it does not make them happy. I would tell your Fiance that a verbal thank you is not enough and it’s time to take some time and write thank you notes.

    Post # 4
    Member
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would blame you both because I wouldn’t be aware of your arrangement (each doing their own).  Plus, I’d imagine most gifts were for both of you, regardless of which side of the aisle the gifter may have sat on. 

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    both of you. not doing thank you’s is not okay and hand-writing one really says a lot. it’s being appreciative. I HATE not getting thank you cards–it makes me regret getting the couple a gift if they cannot set aside some time to say thanks properly.

    Are you opposed to writing them for him? i wrote every single one of our thank you’s and signed his name for him….but he was out of town for 6 months post-wedding, also. I would probably strong-arm him into this.

    but if you got married in october 2009….it’s now July 2010. So these people STILL haven’t received proper thank you cards?!

    Post # 7
    Member
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    No, it is totally not fair for you to have to write them all if he agreed to do his.  I realize he works a lot, but maybe he can set aside a few evenings and get them done?  To me, this is something really important.  I’m always offended when I don’t receive thank yous.  (Of course, I’m easily offended when it comes to things like this, but I bet some of your guests are too). 

    ETA: If they know he’s not good at writing thank yous, then it will mean even more!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1523 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Honestly, i don’t think it’s fair that you have to write all the thank you notes. I think you should talk with your hubby and tell him that these need to be written asap. No excuses. 

    For me, I have written all of the thank you notes for the two showers that I have had so far. This is because I don’t really like FI’s handwriting, lol Fiance has printed all of the envelopes, stamped and sealed all of the thank you notes. I am happy that he is doing some of the work with the thank yous.

    Post # 10
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    It’s not fair but I would write the notes anyway.  The gifts were for both of you. You are annoyed at your husband, but you probably don’t want to take it out on those people who took the time to get you a nice gift. In the long run I’d say it’s better just to write the cards.

    Post # 11
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Maybe you should sit him down and be there when he writes them.  Yes, it’s like being his mother but sometimes I have to be like my husband’s mom because he doesn’t listen to me when I ask him to do things.

    Post # 12
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would have a little “chat” with him and let him know how important this is… people took the time to come to your wedding and took the time to purchase you a gift so the least he can do is find the time to write out 10-15 thank you notes. I had my first shower in June and did my 40 thank you notes in about 3 hours. It really doesn’t take that long. Maybe you can address the envelopes for him and tell him to get crackin’… Ask him if it would have been okay for someone to attend the wedding and not give a gift because they simply didn’t have the time. I can’t stress how rude it is not to send one. It really will reflect poorly on you both.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1956 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    It’s not really fair but you’re married now, so unfortunately this does reflect on you both.  I think if it were me, I probably would’ve written them for him in exchange for some other favor (cooking dinner, vacuuming, etc) rather than go this long without sending a thank you note.

    Still, it’s better to send ’em now than never at all, so figure out something where you’re both happy and they get sent ASAP!

    Post # 14
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Then i think you need to make him do them, basically. I just see that if he works 80 hours a week, and if you work less, it’s just kind to help each other out, agreements aside.

    Post # 15
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    We split ours up to but Darling Husband did his.  Honestly, if one wasn’t done on his side I would feel a little bad but the world wouldn’t stop. When we didn’t get thank yous, I put it on whose side we are on (bride vs. groom) and while I think it is a bit of a reflection of both of you, we are their wives, not their moms.  If they don’t want to follow through, they need to deal with the consequences.  Maybe talk to him or sit at the table with him one last time?  That’s a bit childish though.

    I think all of our actions reflect on each other whether they are good or bad in some ways. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    People don’t expect *you* to write a thank you card. They expect a thank you card period regardless of who wrote it. I would either chalk it up to a lost cause with your FH and just write them yourself with a sincere apology for the delay or strong arm him into doing the same.

    Some people, and I guess your FH included, just don’t get that thank you cards are important. All of them may take a while to write but one person’s literally takes 5 minutes to thank them for being a part in your wedding and incurring the expense of travel, gift, etc. Don’t let your annoyance at your FH’s lapse in responsibility affect how you as a couple are perceived by your guests…

    The topic ‘FH didn’t do thank yous, does it make me look bad?’ is closed to new replies.

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