(Closed) FH didn’t do thank yous, does it make me look bad?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: If you were family/friend of groom and didn't get a thank you, who would you blame?

    Bride

    Groom

    Both

    Wouldn't care

  • Post # 32
    Member
    2343 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Yeah, I agree on both of you… or honestly, more you than him. I know its not fair but most people assume the bride does all the thank yous! 

    Post # 33
    Member
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Tell him that you will do it…only if he treats you to a weekend away where you can get a massage and spa treatment Wink

     

    Personally for me (as a guest) I always forget about thank you cards. I wouldn’t remember if you sent one to me or not. 

    I know for mine..even if I asked for him to do his side (he will have WAY more people than myself) and he agreed to do it..he won’t.  I will have to write everything out and have him sign his name.  I currently have to do this procedure with Christmas cards.  

    Looks like you are either going to have to force him to do it or do it yourself…bummer 🙁

    Post # 34
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Honestly….pick your battles.  This doesn’t need to be one.  The thank you notes are important to you, they’re clearly not important to him, so if this is bothering you, you should do it.  I don’t really get the whole bride’s side/groom’s side split–I’ve never really heard of that.  I’m doing our thank you notes because I have the time and I’m the one that cares about etiquette.  My husband doesn’t have the time or the inclination, but I don’t find this at all surprising because after 6 years, I know that he just wasn’t raised to care about this kind of thing.  He wouldn’t care if he didn’t get a thank you note, so he doesn’t think about how important it is to send them.  This doesn’t need to be a big deal.  Is it fair for one person to write all the thank you notes?  No.  But I don’t know where anyone got the idea that anything, much less marriage, is fair.  It’s not about keeping score it’s about maintaining a functional, productive partnership where no matter what, you pick up the slack for each other.  It sounds to be like your husband genuinely believes he’s taken care of his thank yous–because he thinks verbal thank yous are okay.  So as far as he’s concerned, he’s kept up his end of the bargain.  If you don’t like the way he did it, that’s totally understandable (I wouldn’t) but then it’s up to you to get it done the way you like.  I’m all for you asking him to write the notes…but I don’t think you can expect or demand that he do so.   

    Post # 36
    Member
    4544 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    @guitargirl: I didn’t mean to imply that he was making more money than you. You had mentioned he was working a lot of hours and maybe that was the reason why he was slacking on the thank yous.

    As for how to deal with sending them so late, I simply wouldn’t address it in the thank you and just send the thank you. My Future Mother-In-Law gets very offended if she doesn’t get thank yous and we went to a wedding and didn’t get a thank you for a very long time. She was very irritated, but when she got the thank you she felt so much better and seemed not to mind that it was late.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Honestly, I wouldn’t mention how late the thank yous are or make any excuses at all.  Just send a heartfelt thank you and leave it at that.  And yes, for someone who has difficulty getting actual mail, I think an email is just fine.

    Post # 38
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t say anything about why they are late.  It really doesn’t matter just so long as you do send them.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1102 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t mention the lateness in the note either, just be genuine and sincere. And enjoy a nice glass of whatever your poison is while you do it 🙂

    We have been to weddings where we didn’t get a thankyou and it really bugged me. It would bug me even more if I found out the reason we didn’t get a thankyou was because we were guests of the groom, who didn’t bother to write them, but the bride’s guests were thanked. We came to a wedding of TWO people, and we gave a gift for TWO people, and I appreciate being thanked for that effort. I would likely blame whoever we were guests of, either the bride or groom, but mostly it’s a team effort like everything else in marriage. It’s not fair that you had an agreement which he didn’t stick to, which is the real issue here – not whether your guests should be thanked or not.

    Post # 40
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I sent a gift to a wedding we werent able to attend and we never got a thank you card or a verbal thank you or anything. I still to this day dont know if they received the gift. Its kinda too late to ask now lol

    I would send out some thank you notes, better late than never

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