Post # 1
Regular bee gone anon…
Okay, I’m not a nutjob. I don’t mind FH going out, I encourage him to go out with his friends. BUT when he says he’s going to check in and he doesn’t it drives me nuts.
I’m a worrier. I think the worst. I dropped him off at the train station at 5:00 to go to the game with the guys tonight. I might have to pick him up at the train station tonight but I don’t know. He said he’d text me later to let me know, I haven’t heard from him since 5:10 and it’s now 11:17. We have a wedding to go to TOMORROW and it’s a 2 hour drive and an early afternoon wedding meaning I have to get up early.
I’m just really irritated, I want to go to bed, but I’m also worrying that he’s hurt, been in an accident, or something’s wrong.
Does anyone elses FH/SO do this?? Does this/would this bother you too??
Post # 3
@misstreebee: Why don’t you just call him or text him to find out if he needs you to pick him up at the train or if you can go to bed?
Honestly, it would bug me too. DH doesn’t always let me know that he’s stopping off for a drink after work, which is a pain when it comes to planning dinner.
Post # 4
He’s not answering, i’ve texted him twice.
I also hate being the nagging finacee so I don’t want to text him too often.
Post # 5
frankly id turn off my phone and go to bed after sending him a message saying i needed to know *now* if he needed a lift
yes it would irritate me, but i wouldnt stay up stressing about it.
Post # 6
@misstreebee: This would drive me nuts and I really don’t think I would tolerate it. I’d tell him to have some consideration and remember that our relationship is the priority regardless of where he is. Does he ignore your calls/texts, or have you not tried that yet? My FI over checks in but I find it sweet. I don’t take well to being ignored.
Post # 7
well, text number 3 ‘Seriously..are you alive’ got an answer. Apparently they’re at a pub and he has a ride home. How hard is it to text after the game and say – we’re grabbing a drink C will drive me home.
Post # 8
My husband is horrible about answering texts AND calls, and I too do the “worse-case-scenarios” in my head. It irritates me, but I’ve learned to live with it – if he’s not going to answer the first few times, he isn’t going to answer the 20th time (I don’t go that extreme!). I’d do what others said, text him one last time, and go to bed.
My husband wouldn’t answer if he needed a ride home once or not, this was before we were married, and I was already in bed by the time he wanted a ride. I told him if he wanted to come home, he could walk. It was only about a ten minute walk, but it was snowing. I felt kind of bad at first, but served him right!
Post # 9
I feel you. DH will say he will check in and when he doesn’t I start to worry. I really don’t care if he stays out late but it drives me nuts that he can’t send a simple text to let me know. I am always playing the worst case scenario in my head and freaking out that he got into some kind of accident.
Post # 10
@misstreebee: This would bother me too, so you’re not alone. Sometimes my SO doesn’t answer, but that’s because he hangs out at loud sports bars and his jeans are somewhat baggy. I can forgive the not picking up, but I would be worried sick if he didn’t check in at all.
Post # 11
I Get annoyed with women who “worry” when their SO doesn’t check in. He’s grown ass man, what is going to happen to him at a baseball game? Nothing. It’s a control tactic.
With that said, if he’s depending on me for a ride, I better get a prompt answer. I’m not a taxi.
Post # 12
@misstreebee: SO goes out on occasion. Sometimes he checks in numerous times, at other times, he’s totally absorbed in whatever game he’s watching/playing pool/talking guy stuff and I won’t hear from him. It is nice when he checks in, but it’s not mandatory. I know I’ll hear from him eventually – I never initiate contact when he’s out though. I only get annoyed when he’s out late on a weeknight – a couple of weeks ago, he caught up with a mate to watch the rugby. He called at 10pm and said he’d be leaving the pub soon. He called at 11.15 and said he’d be leaving soon – I asked when ‘soon’ was because I was tired, we only have 1 set of keys and I wasn’t leaving the doors unlocked while I slept! If we had 2 sets of keys, I wouldn’t have cared, but I had to let him in so I was a little annoyed. Weekends – doesn’t matter if he stays out till 4am, but don’t mess with my weeknight sleep!!
Post # 13
DH did this the other day!! It drives me nuts, I feel like if something actually happened to him then I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference!!!
Post # 14
@misstreebee: I am JUST like you. We’ve had to be over this a million times because he sort of assumed it meant I want to control what he does… but I don’t! Not in the least! I largely don’t care what he does or how long he’s out or whatever, I just want to *know.* He was terrible about it in the beginning but he’s come to understand how I feel and has gotten much more sympathetic and consistent about keeping in touch.
@JLR1982: I swear it’s not. I’m a worrier too, and it’s not about control, it’s just about fearing the worst even irrationally. I don’t need him to do as I say all the time or ask permission for anything. Just keep me reasonably informed. Is it really so controlling?
Post # 15
@Bebealways: I think so. You’re not his parole officer or his mom and he shouldn’t have to check in because of YOUR overactive worrying. JMO.
Post # 16
@JLR1982: It’s not like I yell at him or get all bossy if he doesn’t do it. I don’t like it if he forgets but I don’t harass him about that. I just ask him nicely and now that he gets my motive, it’s almost always no sweat, we text a lot naturally anyway. He expects the same from me when I’m out and about, it’s just more pleasant for both of us. I just don’t get why it’s bad at all.