FH doesn’t want cake…or anything like it?

posted 1 year ago in Food
Post # 16
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Maybe instead of a cake cutting moment, you can build your dessert at the station while the spotlight is on you. Just a thought. You add the strawberries while he adds the whipped cream,  or something cute like that.

Post # 17
1552 posts
Bumble bee

You can freeze wedding cake to keep its moisture and defrost it up to a year later. We had an extra tier that we didnt serve for our wedding that we took home just to freeze so we could eat it on our anniversary. I felt like it was a really special thing to do. Unfortunately we moved to the US 5 months after getting married so we couldn’t transport the cake so we had it on our 3 month anniversary instead. But it tasted exactly the same as on the day and it was a special moment for us to remember the wedding. If his fears are that the cake will go to waste, you could suggest doing this? 

Also the cake could be just a small one tier cake, or even homemade to save costs. I also love PPs suggestion of using the dessert station for photos as your ‘cake cutting’. 

Post # 18
9173 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i’ve been to plenty of weddins that do pie or cupcake and not cake.

we also had cake, because it was included with our venue package.  this was my dessert table:

Post # 19
2413 posts
Buzzing bee

I lOVE cake, so I definitely notice when there is no cake, or when there is a tiny cutting cake that isn’t served to the guests.  And it makes me a bit sad.  It just doesn’t seem like a wedding without cake!  And I love the tradition of freezing the cake to eat on your anniversary (after wrapping well, of course!)

I know desert tables are trendy these days, but I’m not a huge fan of them.  We go to a lot of fundraising cocktail parties and it’s reached the point that I associated them with fundraisers and galas.  When I see a desert table, I start getting ready for the fundraising pitch!

I think he’s being unreasonable to veto all forms of cake, even a tiny one for a cake-cutting photo.  I could understand if he didn’t want to spend $1000+ on a very elaborate multi-tiered cake, but it wouldn’t cost much to have a small but pretty little cake on a nice stand.  


Post # 20
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I get what PPs are saying about letting him have this, but it seems obstinate to be so hardcore on this. A cake doesn’t have to be expensive, and if people don’t like strawberries, or view biscuits as dessert, they’ll likely want something else sweet instead.

When I got married, there were only two things I cared about, as far as the wedding ceremony and reception, and that was the dress and the cake. Our cake was not that expensive, but it was magnificent, because it was delicious. I’m so excited to defrost the top of it for our anniversary this year.

If a cake is important to you, and if you’re worried about guests craving something sweeter than a biscuit with strawberries and whip cream, I’d explain it to your Fiance and insist on a cake.

If it’s not important to you? Then I’d let it go.

Post # 21
30 posts
  • Wedding: September 2020

Two perspectives here: I was a wedding banquet server for a short time and the weddings I saw either had one big old cake and nothing else (which maybe 25% of guests ate) or they had ice cream sundaes we served with fresh fruit available.

My bridal perspective, I love desserts and baking. Fiance and I wouldn’t be able to pick just one thing so we’re gonna have many donuts (gourmet bakery that only does donuts in our town), a very small cake for cutting (probably red velvet), and four pies (cherry, blueberry, apple, and pumpkin). Small wedding and we like variety.

Post # 22
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I always thing cake is important incase your food ends up being gross and people are starving cause even bad cake it still cake.

I’d probably be like “Sure honey, no cake.” Then order cake anyway. But my husband already knows this about my feelings towards desserts. 

Post # 23
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

kittemae1990 :  I mean really I think the cake cutting ceremony is boring.  But we’re having it, because Fiance and i like cake, and we’re serving cake as our dessert.  But we ct out the bouquet toss and garter toss.  I figure the sooner people get out dancing the better.

Post # 24
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I went to a wedding with a strawberry shortcake bar! It was delicious! Your guests will be well-fed. Could you cut into a giant biscuit? It sounds silly, but i think it achieves the ceremonial aspect you are looking for with your fiance’s desire to not have any cake whatsoever. 

Post # 25
123 posts
Blushing bee

No cake is fine. Lots of people don’t have cake. The only thing you’ll miss is the ‘cake cutting’ picture but if you don’t have a cake and want the picture, cut something else. You can put a topper on anything, so don’t even feel pressured to do a cutting cake. You can also make a little DIY fake, frosted cake out of crisp rice cereal and use that so as not to diminish your food budget.

Post # 26
3176 posts
Sugar bee

Not gonna lie, I would be really disappointed as a guest if there was no cake at a wedding. 

Post # 27
4088 posts
Honey bee

kittemae1990 :  Maybe I’m different but wedding cake cutting is my most favorite part of the wedding. Perhaps just convince him for you guys to at least have an 8” cake to cut and feed each other with. You can take this home afterwards. The rest of the guests can have the strawberry shortcake bar for dessert. You don’t even have to say to the baker it’s a “wedding cake”. (High chance the price can be jacked up if you mention wedding). Just order a plain white cake or even a chocolate one and just have your florist decorate it a bit with flowers. 

ETA: I might be biased because in my area, all the weddings ALWAYS have a traditional cake to be served to the guests as the only dessert option. I have only seen dessert buffet tables here at the weddingbees.

Post # 28
1259 posts
Bumble bee

Ok here’s my experience with cakes at wedding. 

One of them did the cut the cake ceremony and had photos but it was not being distributed or eaten (weird), a perfectly good cake sat there and went to waste.

Two of them did cut the cake ceremony but we were all busy chatting / dancing, no one stopped to watch (other than those sitting or standing near it), we all had a piece of cake, but honestly  I had moved on from eating by then and already full anyway, couldn’t finish the cake.

One had cup cakes that was nice, we all went to take one at our own leisure if we wanted to. That was their only dessert so that makes sense.

I completely agree with your FH that it’s a waste having a dessert bar AND a cake. To be honest I really don’t think any guest cares about the cutting of the cake, or eating the cake. If you really care about the cutting of the cake itself, potentially you could negotiate with him to get a cheap one or even a prop one just for the photos and tell him that’s why you want it, for photos and set a low budget for it. 

Post # 29
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

Your guests will be fine with no cake, since you’re having another dessert. I guess what this comes down to is how much do YOU want a cake? 

To me, the traditional cutting of the cake is important, and if I were in your shoes, I would explain to my fiance that it’s important to me and I don’t want to forsake it, and see if we can compromise by getting something smaller and less expensive, and maybe forsake something else that’s less important to me instead if he wanted. I’d also talk to him and try to understand why he was so adament about it.


Post # 30
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

As a guest I would notice, but I wouldn’t care. I can see where he’s coming from as you do already have a dessert, but if you really want a cake then I don’t see why he should be against you getting a cheap small cake. I can see why he would be opposed to throwing down an additional $1000 for a large traditional wedding cake. 

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