Post # 1
So first, my family and my FH’s family are very different. In my family, family comes first (even though my fmaily can generally be a bunch of assholes, it’s family and you deal with is). His family not so much.
His cousin A is married to a man, P. They have a son. A&P have been rubbing FH’s fmaily the wrong way lately, mostly P. They have a lot of ‘rules’ about what her parents (FMIL’s sister and BIL) can do for their grandson. Recently, FH’s uncle told P to f*** off and P is no longer welcome in their home (at least that’s what I’m being told – I try and stay out of his family drama). A & P are still married, still living together, and to my knowledge have no interest in separating.
FH doesn’t want to invite P to the wedding. He wants to invite A + child and leave off P. I said we can’t do that. Bee’s what do you think!?!?
Post # 3
I think that is incredibly rude. You have to invite spouses.
On a side note, it doesn’t make them jerks to have rules about what people can do for THEIR kid. My husband and I do as well. No one has a problem with it, because they are our children. Parents have the right to do those sorts of things. Now, maybe A&P are nasty about it, but just having rules regarding their kids is pretty normal to me. I don’t know many parents who don’t.
Post # 4
Nope, totally inappropriate. The ONLY reasons that would be appropriate would be if P had done something seriously messed up, like rape, murder, assaulted a family member, but in that case my guess would be that if A were sticking by him she would not be invited anyway.
Either invite A and P or don’t invite either.
Sidenote- I don’t think it’s wrong for them to have rules regarding their child. In fact, I think it would be pretty irresponsible if they had no standards for their child.
Post # 5
Just to clarify, i have no problem with the rules, FH and I have already discussed our guidlines. They’re just assholes about the rules – and they call them rules, frequently.
Post # 6
p hasn’t done anything to you – and dividing up him and his wife isn’t ‘staying out of family drama’ it’s clearly getting involved and adding to the family drama. and having rules about what people can do with your kid is fairly standard. it sucks that they are annoying about them, but that has nothing to do with you.
there is no legitimate excuse here not to invite him – to do so would be super rude and would only fan the fire, there is no question that he should be invited.
Post # 7
thanks for sticking up for me bees! We’re trying to finalize the list tonight and I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t off base saying we have to invite him.
Post # 8
Stay out of the drama, you’re only hearing one side of it.
Post # 9
Invite both of them, and let them decide. If they feel like he shouldn’t go to the wedding because of the issues with family, they should be the ones to decide that.
Post # 10
Definitely invite him…stay out of their family drama especially since in this case it has nothing to do with you or your FI.
Post # 11
This sounds really cruel and immature on their part. they want to exclude a spouse as revenge for having rules re their kids? I hope you are prepared to deal with this if it ever gets turned on you and for that reason, I would suggest talking to FI about how the family shouldn’t be imposing their will and shunning a spouse like this. Frankly, this is outrageous. Reasons for shunning are limited to big things like abuse. Shunning is a shame tactic meant to control the target.
Invite him but more importantly, talk to your FI about your expectations re family and how they treat each other.