(Closed) Considering cancelling my wedding! please read

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do about this situation?
    Call off big wedding and just do small destination wedding . : (40 votes)
    33 %
    Call of wedding. : (12 votes)
    10 %
    Continue with wedding. : (44 votes)
    36 %
    Just elope and save money. : (25 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Wow, sorry you’re dealing with all this. It certainly sucks and isn’t an easy thing to deal with. My first piece of advice would be for your Fiance to find a different job. It’s absurd that they are withholding his paycheck which he earned. It would be one thing if they were withholding a gift or inheritence but this is money he worked for. They owe it to him. He shouldn’t deal with that and he needs to show them that he will not tolerate this type of manipulation and control over a grown man. Second, I think you need to meet them. Even if the arrangements have to be made behind their back. You say his family demands he eat dinner with them…your Fiance needs to invite you to one of these dinners. It probably won’t be pretty but I think it would at the very least show them that you and your Fiance are a united front and that this behavior will not be tolerated. If she really does slap you, leave. Third, you say you’ve already put down the deposits: how long until your planned wedding? If you have time to actively work on this situation before the wedding? If yes, then I say you should try your best to work on the situation and be the bigger person because running off to the islands will certainly drive an even bigger wedge between everyone that will most likely be extremely difficult to overcome. Oh, and please, please, please don’t subject your child to this family drama. Whenever these conversations are taking place make sure your kid isn’t around so they don’t have to deal with the constant, inappropriate bashing of their mother.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1331 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I’m so sorry these damn Koreans are driving you crazy, girl!  (I’m 1/2 so I understand a bit of their culture)  They can be tough to please when they’re so set in their ways about certain things.  The most important thing is that you & your FH love each other and are happy.  I say just elope and forget them all because they seem totally CRAZY and rude.  I am sure that with time (and this could mean a LONG time) they will come around, and you going to med school will probably impress them a lot.  Many of the Koreans I know are unfortunately too preoccupied with appearances, but if they’re giving you this much grief and stress then I say just disown them.  Does your FH stand up for you at least?  If he’s strong enough to continue pursuing you as his wife even with all this drama, then go for it!  I hope it gets better, good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Just….wow.  I am so, so sorry you have to deal with your FI’s clearly psychotic family. Good god.  I know it’s cultural, but there’s really no excuse for acting so horrifically to an innocent person for who they are, not anything they’ve done. They should be ashamed of themselves. 

    I say disown the miserable bastards.  How does your Fiance feel about that?

    Post # 6
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    That is such a tough situation.  I voted to stay with the wedding plans but @lezlers has a great question….How does your Fiance feel about it?

    Post # 7
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    He needs to find a new job.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @jeye7161:

    Wow, that is horrible!!!  If I were him, I would definitely find another job ASAP!!!  Is he able to let his family go and marry you? You shouldn’t feel guilty about him making a choice between his original family and you and your son.  He is an adult and it is his decision to make. And they are “making” him choose. They are being horribly racist and manipulative!  I don’t know if I would meet with them, as they sound like they would treat you horribly-although if you want to try, it would be best to meet them in a public place-such as a restaurant for dinner. But it sounds like they have already made up their mind about you-without giving you or your son a chance.  I would invite them to your wedding, but chances are they would not show up, and could possibly “disown” your Fiance, but with the way they are behaving, I would say “Good Riddance!”  With family like that, who needs enemies.  It sounds like you need to have a major talk with your Fiance.  Best Wishes.

    Post # 9
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think you need to have a serious convo with Fiance like the other ladies said. I don’t know that I can give you advice – is your Fiance wavering? Would he be willing to cut them off? Could you deal with their drama throughout the rest of your marriage or is that a deal breaker? I think this is really a personal evaluation of what you can and can’t put up with in a relationship.
    Good luck and keep us updated! So sorry you are going through this!

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    18637 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Ack that’s horrible!  First of all, he needs to get a new job, right now!  Them treating him like dirt is not acceptable and not paying him for his work is ILLEGAL!

    As for the wedding, I would go with what your Fiance wants.  If it were my family acting like that, I would probably completely cut them off and see if that makes them turn around (especially since they never took the chance to meet you before having these opinions about you).

    Post # 12
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee

    **Hugs, sorry you both are going through this. I think that maybe it’s time for him to separate from the pack, and live his own life. Get another job etc. Maybe one day they will come around, but in the mean time, it’s their loss! Be proud of yourself. You are a strong woman and you know you have good intentions in regards to you FH. Be happy, hun. And Congrats on your engagement! >.< P.S. IMO, I would soooo have your Fiance sue his parents for the cash they owe him. I don’t know about the U.S, but in Canada, if your employer holds your pay from you, it’s illegal 🙂 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Your Fiance sounds like a good strong person to not let his stupid family interfere with your relationship. If your friends and family can make it for a destination wedding then go for it. If you’d be eloping rather than having a destination wedding I probably wouldn’t. Since your FI’s family isn’t going to be there for him then it’s doubly important to see how many people really are there to support your relationship.

    Also, it is not embarassing for you that your FI’s family is prejudiced. So long as your friends and family know you they will support you and understand that his family is totally wrong.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1871 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    To reiterate what you already know, but is always good to hear:

    YOU are not making him decide between you and his family. HE is not abandoning/leaving his family. THEY are making him decide; THEY are the ones threatening to abandon HIM.

    I’m really sorry that this is happening to you. But I do think it’s important for you to remember that you bear no responsbility in this. Feel bad about the situation, but don’t feel guilty. It is FI’s decision to make and it sounds like he’s already made it. The best that you can do is be supportive of him.

    As far as the wedding goes, it’s really up to you and him and I think that you should think of it outside the context of this family drama. What kind of wedding do you want? Whatever it is, go for it. (And there are probably people who will completely disagree with this, but having seen a similar situation with friends, I think that it would be a gesture of goodwill to invite them to the wedding, even if they don’t come. My friend’s inlaws, who still haven’t completely accepted her, did come to the wedding, glowered the entire time, but they came.)

    Post # 16
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I hope that your Fiance finds another job SOON!!!   It is just unimaginable to me that his family is disowning him.  It’s their loss.  Don’t lose sleep over it.  Consider yourself lucky not to have to meet with them, from what you’ve said, I wouldn’t want to meet them. They are not worth trying to have a relationship with.  Hopefully, he has other extended family that would like to keep in touch and support you.  Creating a new family will be wonderful for your poor Fiance.  I feel bad for both of you.  Chin Up, though.  Look forward to your future together, and forget about them. BTW-you have nothing to be ashamed of. Make your wedding one that is important to both of you.  Don’t let their not coming be the reason for changing things. Do what you both really want.

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