- 9 years ago
- Wedding: February 2010
Hello everyone, and thanks in advance for reading. I’ve given this one lots of thought, but can’t decide.
One of my coworkers several years ago and I became close friends. I moved away and FH stayed behind (before we were engaged.) She and I are both notoriously bad about staying in touch, so we haven’t spoken 10 sentences in 2 years, and we are happy and comfortable with that.
My FH and I had dated for more than 7 years. I’m a brunette and have always had insecurities around blondes and she’s one of those. He used to joke that he was going to run off with her, and would laugh at my “Noo!” reaction. I would return the joking, saying that they two blondes would look good together.
After a while, the joking came quite often and being far away, I started to become paranoid about whether or not they were involved, because they often did social things together. However, he has few friends and I never wanted to rob him of his one friend in the area.
I eventually asked him if anything was going on, and he said no.
Flash forward a year, and one night he tells me that he needs to tell me something. He says that he “has feelings” for her, but that he is not attracted to her sexually, that it was nothing I did or didn’t do, and that he has no intentions of being with her. He even admitted his feelings to her, she reacted with shock and discomfort because she is happily dating someone, and he says he did this to try to make the feelings wear off. I understand these reactions, because I’ve had crushes myself.
He says he’s happy he told me, that he hated keeping a secret, and that he was eager to move on with our lives (we became engaged a few months later – he had planned it by the time he confessed.)
I tried to react as soberly as possible, and had a few bouts with anger and depression, but I didn’t lose trust in him. He asked me to keep this one problem between us, but it was such a strong weight on my heart that I told the story to only one person – his father, to whom I am very close. His father was sympathetic with me, and told me not to worry.
Now we’re making a guest list, and I don’t know what to do about my friend, who is aware (and embarassed) that I know the full story. If I do not invite her, I would be ensuring comfort of my FH (who cut ties with her after their friendship quickly soured) and my own conscience, since I wouldn’t want FH’s father, for example, to wonder what’s going on. I want no ambiuity on my wedding day. However, if I exclude her, she will no doubt be hurt and we never had a falling out ourselves.
I could talk to her. I could lay everything out and address the issue directly, but I wonder what the options are other than that. Talking to her directly would be annoying, but managable.
What do you think, though?