FH has changed his mind about TTC

posted 1 month ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

lilacflower12 :  I’m so so sorry to hear about your loss; sending you warm and healing heart vibes. I’m glad that you have found a date you both feel ok about! I think just keep really open communication about how you are both feeling as you heal. Don’t let there be silence on the issue. That’s where hurt and resentment grows. xo

Post # 17
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You can’t base TTC around other people. It’s so sad when a parent passes and doesn’t know the grandchild but that isn’t a reason to have a baby earlier. Neither is pressure from family. You both need to be ready and you had an original date set. You’re not even married yet. Early to mid 20s is so young for kids these days. Take a breath, enjoy your wedding, and then focus on the next step. If you rush everything then there will be nothing to look forward to.

Post # 18
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

I’m glad you’ve reached something of a consensus about the timeline. Sometimes an accidental pregnancy can be traumatic, even if someone does want kids eventually, and if it ends in a loss there could potentially be some relief, as horrible as that might sound to you. Your fiance might have interpreted that shock and subsequent relief as a sign that he should re-evaluate his position on kids, but overall it could have just been a knee-jerk stress reaction—another example of “doubt means don’t” thinking. When there’s a plan in place he might feel like he has more control over the situation (even though “control” is kind of a loose term with TTC), which will result in less worry. 

Post # 19
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with this. I certainly wasn’t ready to be a parent in early to mid twenties (neither do any of my friends). Most people I know started TTC in their late 20s, if not early to mid 30s. I can certainly see your partners point of view, suddenly when having a child became a possible reality, he realised he wasn’t ready. That’s ok I think in your early to mid 20s. I think once you hit 30, it becomes more like, if you’re not ready now are you ever going to be ready.

runningmama :  

Post # 20
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I understand where he is at, I want kids, I’ve always wanted kids.

When I was young I thought 21 would be the best age and then around then I changed it to 24, the age my mom was when she had me and then when I realized.. I’ll be 24 in a few months, I changed it to 26. Now I’m 29 and we will TTC when I’m 30. Younger me was sure I’d be done having kids hopefully by 28 and for sure by 30! .. I haven’t even started  haha

 Being a young parents has its benefits and being an older parent has its benefits. I wasn’t ready in my 20’s. 

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