Post # 1
Ladies, I dont know if we should schedule our e session that I’ve been looking forward to since we got engaged.
Last year, my FH and I were both at our heaviest weights (me at 172-5’4) and (him 318 6’3.) We had such a long engagement so we could lose weight. I’ve lost 40 pounds over the last 6-8 months because I knew I didn’t want to be self-conscious or feel fat for any of our photos. FH said he wanted to lose 100lbs and has just RECENTLY started on it. While he has lost almost 20lbs (which is an amazing accomplishment) he is still extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable in his skin. He hopes to lose another 30lbs before our wedding in May but he thinks he feels too fat to do our engagement photos in March.
I really don’t want to tell him that I’m let down. He is doing such a great job dieting/exercising right now. I don’t want to discourage him. Today he told me that he is OK with the session, but admitted he isn’t excited about it because of his size.
Here is how I feel:
-I don’t want to put him in a situation he is uncomfortable in.
-I don’t want to pay for a photo shoot that he isn’t interested in.
-I also don’t want to pay for a shoot when he is going to look back and hate these photos because of his size.
-I’m sad and let down because I lost 40lbs and was looking forward to this shoot as a reward for all of my work. I wanted to put on a light spring dress and show off my new body/legs. My wedding dress is a natural waist so it doesn’t show off my accomplishments very well.
-We are very awkward and this shoot was supposed to help us get comfortable in front of the camera before the wedding in May.
-I feel guilty because I want to do the session anyways.
Help? Thoughts? Advice?
Post # 3
Why don’t you do a shoot right before the wedding? That way you have time to lose more weight and you still get the photos. you don’t need to use them for your save the dates.
Post # 4
Yeah, why not do it in late April?
Post # 5
My Fiance didn’t want to do one either but I basically didn’t give him an option lol. I knew we needed to do it to get comfy with each other in front of the camera for the wedding. He went along with it and wasn’t looking forward to it, but we ended up having a really fun time doing it together. Motivate your man with a reward after! We went and got a beer before hand, even had one during the shoot with our photographer. After, we went and had dinner and drinks at our favorite restaurant (my treat!)
-You could always do an anniversary shoot instead?
Post # 6
My husband and I didn’t do an engagement photoshoot, but I am planning to either have a photoshoot done while we’re on our honeymoon or for our 1 year anniversary, if I can’t pull off the honeymoon shoot. Maybe that is something to consider?
Post # 7
That’s a tough one…..my Fiance is not interested in engagement photo shoot for a different reason…he thinks it’s so private, so help me god!
he said-whatever pics we can take ourselves is fine with him. But then again there is no guarantee he will like any of them. And plus, he did such an amazing job picking a ring-a ring itself deserves a photo shoot:)
As for you guys…just do engagement photo shoot later. Our wedding is in May as well, and my photographers are flying from overseas one week before the wedding. So i hoping he would agree for photo shoot then. Sinse they are my friends and he loves their work:)
Post # 8
That would work, I think. I’ve always dreamed of having our photos taken in the arboretum with all of the tulips and cherry trees blooming. Its like how girls dream of “the dress,” but I always thought of the tulips. But, the tulips will bloom every year in March. We could have a “family” session in the sea of tulips in a few years once we have a baby!
Post # 9
As a photographer I’d say let it go. Doing an engagement session for a male subject who is against the idea is no fun for anyone. Engagement sessions will sometimes help ease anxiety about being photographed on a wedding day, and it can give you an opportunity to connect with your photographer. But the reality of it is it’s much more awkward than the day of the wedding. Most of the photography that day if you’ve hired a modern pro is going to be candid. And most good photographers only need about 30 minutes or so to take creative portraits of the two of you.
Post # 10
Awww I feel badly for him but I get that you want to do it!! My Fiance thought engagement pics were stupid but he did it anyway haha. Your Fiance probably isn’t going to lose 80 more pounds in 4 months so he may not feel any better about things when the wedding comes. But maybe if he has a good experience with the engagement pics he will feel better!! I would have him wear something really slimming and make sure to be super excited and compliment how good he looks when you see them. Can you just tell him you want to do the pics because you’re nervous about being in front of the camera? Maybe promise they won’t go on Facebook unless he approves them?
Post # 11
I always wanted it, but Darling Husband screwed up the planning so we didnt. I didnt want to bitch, whine and scream and nag, so we never did it.
To this day he doesnt know how upset I am that we didnt do it. But you know what? It doesnt really matter 3 years later. I do wish we had those photos, but instead I am going to make sure we get good family photos with our first kid. (to me that is more important anyway)
What did you want out of them? If its just a reward for your weightloss, why dont you do a budoir shoot? Or another reward like a spa weekend? Or really nice lingerie you wouldnt normally get.
Post # 12
@MrsWBS: That’s a good idea too! I think I can win him over if we do it mid/late April and take him to his favorite restaurant and a movie after. He can also probably lose the 30lbs before then too which would total 50lbs lost. Would you say the engagement session really helped you get comfortable with the camera? FH’s sister is a photographer (she’s not our photographer and not completely pro) and she jokingly said jokingly said were the most difficult people she has every photographed. Ack lol!
Post # 13
@sheepandbear: I agree with PPs that you should push it back. I know that you’re in love with the idea of the tulips – which sounds gorgeous by the way! – but I also know from your post that you love your Fiance more and want him to be comfortable. So, given the drastic options of either making him participate in a shoot that he will hate, which is bad for you AND him, and cancelling altogether, in which case you don’t get the tulips anyway, then I think pushing back is the closest thing you’re going to get to a happy medium. Just think – this will open you up to exploring a ton of other locations for your photos that you may never have considered before!
ETA: Once you settle on a date in April, you can both use it as incentive to stay on track with your diets and exercise. Congrats on all that you have accomplished thus far!
Post # 14
If the tables were turned, there’s no way you’d want chime into forcing you to do photos if you were uncomfortable and ashamed of your body. You have to respect his feelings. You can do std’s without photos— heck, if someone needs a photo to know who you are, they probably don’t belong on your guest list— compromise for a photo-free std and a 1-year anniversary photo shoot.
Post # 15
@fishbone: Lol, not sure if you read the whole thing. Our wedding is in May which is only ~1.5 months after said engagement shoot. So are you saying we shouldnt have a photographer at our wedding?!
Edit: Also, our Save-The-Date Cards were photo free and sent in November. 🙂
Post # 16
@Empire523: Yup! I’m fine with doing a family shoot in the tulips once we have our kid. I’m thinking we can do mid/late april if he is okay with it. I was just worried about it being too close to the wedding, but based off of responses we shouldnt have a problem with it. And our photographer said most e sessions take him a week to edit. I’ll talk to FH tonight and see if we can both set goals for the shoot since I would still like to lose more weight too.