(Closed) FH lent money to FPIL without telling me

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
13290 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s too bad this all happened, because you’re 100% right (IMO).  If you can’t afford the size of the wedding, you can’t afford it, and that should be the end of it.  Getting money involved with family and friends ends up being a really awful situation most of the time.  I hate to think that it’s going to be more than 4 years from September when you are finally fully repaid…  Is there any way to talk to your FI/his parents and say that you needed that money for the baby and your Fiance shouldn’t have given it away without consulting you?  Explain that you are okay with a small wedding and don’t want anyone going into debt (even in debt to you) over a wedding?  Ugh, good luck, and I’m sorry this all happened to you!

Post # 4
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ouch! I’m so sorry you’re going through this because it sucks! It sounds like your Future In-Laws are grossly irresponsible with money and you and your Fiance should stop enpowering thier unheathly habit of spending money they don’t have! I’m pretty extreme about this topic and almost see what they did as stealing from your future baby. I would be beyond pissed!

I think I would straight up talk to the future in-laws and explain what it is that transpired and how your own parents have dealt with it and how unfair it is for them to do the opposite while you’re both having to cover for it with the money intended for their future grandbaby! Uuuugh … grrr!

It also sounds like a big culture issue, in a sense that perhaps they feel that the man of the house is solely responsible for money matters, hence not asking you about it. 

I would have a serious discussion with your Fiance about how he sees marriage and why he felt it was right to not discuss the issue with you first. They, as in your Fiance and his family are really setting themselves up for deep harbored resentment for what they did (and what your Fiance allowed to happen).

Perhaps he also has a hard time putting his foot down when it comes to his parents and that’s another biggie to talk about. 

I wish I had some better words of encourangement for you but I hope your Fiance understands how you feel and somehow makes it up to you. 

Edit: If you can talk to him about how you feel without attacking his parents, it would be ideal. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time he has to understand why it’s wrong.

The topic ‘FH lent money to FPIL without telling me’ is closed to new replies.

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