(Closed) FH melt down.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wedding planning can be stressful for guys too.  I know mine had a bit of sticker shock – his idea what things should cost can be very different than real world pricing.  It’s also a lot of change in a short period of time.  You’re getting married, looking at getting a house, he’s probably visualizing your bank accounts hemorrhaging money every time you mention the word “wedding” or “house”.  I’d take a week off discussing anything house or wedding related.  Go see a movie, take him to the Dane or Gray’s, have a couple of beers and a nice night out.

Post # 4
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Is being self-defeating a typical reaction for him (like when you get into arguments)?  That may be what he refers back to (negative self-talk and putting himself down).

Wedding planning IS stressful!  DH was stressed out about asking guys to stand up for him (I think it’s daunting for guys, honestly!).  Plus, the whole wedding planning/decision making thing isn’t necessarily everyone’s forte.

I’d ask him where how much he’d like to be involved with the planning or decisions and go from there.  Maybe he’d rather have you make most of the decisions….

Also – if finances are an issue (are you guys paying for the wedding yourself?) that could also be a factor.

My advice is to be as encouraging as possible and try to understand what’s at the root of his worry/tangents, etc.  The more you can get him to communicate with you – the better!  (I really think wedding planning lays the foundation for communication in your marriage.).  

I think you should really focus on the idea of: he thinks that by me asking him for something that it means he is not providing enough for me

If you can, get into some sort of premarial counseling so you guys can talk through why he feels this way and you can BOTH learn ways to work through this issue!

HUGS – don’t dispair or give up!  Keep communicating with each other!  

Post # 6
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Ms_Purple:  I actually agree with your Future Mother-In-Law – in that their discussions about money should be between then and their son (as not to offend you!).  Obviously, Fiance is going to be advocating for both of you 🙂   And, re: his nerves about asking his friends – give him the opportunity to express his fears to you (ie: will they think it’s stupid, did he have a bad experience as a Groomsmen and that’s why he doesn’t want to ask, etc etc.) and continue to encourage him.  

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