(Closed) FH might be cheating!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear. 🙁

Did you speak to the girl at length?

Post # 4
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Make sure you find proof before you are too hard on him. You don’t want to burn that bridge before you know. He’ll understand scared and cautious, do your research. Then make a choice… I hope for you that she is lying. Not that it’s good and it wouldn’t hurt but, best case.

Post # 5
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry to hear this!  Honestly, I’d try to talk directly to your finace, in person to find out what’s really going on.  Explain what happened and see how he responds.  Hopefully he will be honest with you one way or the other and you can have some more information about what’s happening.  If I were you, I’d even tell him what you said about trust–if you’re feeling like you can’t trust him now, how will you feel after you’re married.

Hugs to you and let us know how things go.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Were you surprised to get that call? Do you trust him completely otherwise? You said he is just going to lie about it so that tells me yo uprobably don’t trust him 100%.

You have to confront him about it and ask if it’s true. If he denies it and you think he’s lying, ask for some kind of proof. Do you guys live together? It would be much harder for him to get away with something like that if you do. It is possible this other girl tried to get with him and failed and is just jealous, but it takes a lot of courage to call you like she did, so chances of that are kind of slim.

Post # 7
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Can I ask how she got your number? 

If it’s a cell number, it wouldn’t be listed in the phone book, so it makes me think she must have gotten it from him or his phone?

Post # 8
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

Why would she call like that? Sounds a little suspicious. I really think this could go either way. Yes, he could be cheating, or it could be someone who is jealous that he isn’t with her and is trying to ruin your relationship. There had to have been more to the phone call I think? Either way *hugs* because I know it has to be really heartbreaking and emotion and I’d be spazzing out personally. Good luck

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

(((HUGS)))

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this! How long did you speak to the girl who believes that she’s his girlfriend, and can you give a little detail on how the rest of the conversation went? My guess is that she somehow got your number from his phone, and saw that he called you quite a bit by checking his phone.

I would definitely approach this carefully with him. He most likely is going to be on the defensive like you said above. He may try to deny it, or he may have a good explanation. Just let him know that by this girl calling you, your trust has been depleted, and you’re giving him a chance to explain and come clean about it all.

Good luck with this…I hope all goes well and of course keep us updated on how you’re doing, even if it is just to vent on here!

Post # 11
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m so sorry to hear this…what a rude awakening you had this morning!

Did she let you know why she was calling?  Was it to find out if she was being cheated on?  I guess my feeling is that I don’t know many women who would deliberately break up an engagement out of jealousy.  So no matter what it sounds pretty fishy for your Fiance.  I’m sorry to say that…but I guess what I’ve seen from friends is that a warning like this is not usually a good sign.  I think your approach of allowing yourself some space to let it sink in, and bringing it up in counseling is a good idea.  Emotions can get charged around something like this, and hopefully the counselor can help you get to the heart of the matter.  I really hope that my initial reaction was jaded and untrue…and regradless, sending you some (((Hugs)))

Post # 12
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)

Oh my goodness. Lots of bee hugs to you.
I cant even imagine how your feeling right now.

Good luck confronting him… maybe try and get more details from the girl first?
I dunno…. maybe thats not a good idea.

Post # 14
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh my goodness, *hugs*!! I would be going crazy and would want answers immediately! So, good for you for keeping your head about it, although I’m confused as to why he gets to choose when you two discuss the situation of his cheating??? Seems to me he lost that right when he decided to be unfaithful? As to whether or not things like cheating are forgiveable or not, I think that depends on his actions leading forward. I don’t think it’s realistic to think that you’ll be able to forgive him immediately, but if he stops his shady actions and earns your trust, over time, you may be able to forgive. I also think once you make a commitment to forgive, you must really move on anf forward. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Melodi: You’re not married yet, no matter what vows you were prepared to make. Good times and bad, yes, but his actions show that he’s not taking those vows seriously, which to me negates them. Run, run like the wind. And this comes from a married lady.

If my current husband ended up cheating on me, it would probably end after a lot of counseling to get us through that process — because, like you’re talking about, I could never trust him again.

And I’m with Vegas, I don’t see why *he* gets to choose "the" time you talk. Seems pretty controlling and would make me really angry. 

Post # 16
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

::hugs::  I wish I had some words of wisdom… I know how it is, my first husband cheated on me with my best friend while I was away at bootcamp… we had a 2 year old little boy at the time so it was a VERY hard decision to make… my prayers are with you!

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