Post # 1
Some of you might have read on the Bee that my apartment went up in flames last Friday… exactly two weeks before our wedding.
Now FH isn’t excited in the slightest about the wedding….. which leaves me feeling like sh*t, because why get married if he isn’t happy.
He’s upset because his cat Sebastian died in the fire…
Then he got news today the military revoked his brother’s approved vacation, and he was supposed to be best man.
Then gave emergency time off to a woman who’s son was in a car crash with a broken leg. She has the next two weeks off due to his broken leg…. but they won’t give FH’s brother time off to come to the wedding for 24 hours.
He’s upset, angry and snapping at me – yelling at me over the stupidest shit.
I don’t want to get married if all the focus is on the recent tragedies.
Post # 3
@dragonlover: First…. breathe. What you mentioned is A LOT to handle in the short term. He probably needs time to digest and process everything. If I were him, I probably would not be excited either. It does not mean he does not want to be married. He may just need a little TLC and some space
Post # 4
that is a lot. i’m sorry to hear about all of this. i have a cat and i’m sure your Fiance feels awful about all of this. and my FI’s brother is in another country and i can only imagine how he would feel if his brother’s visa was rejected – it is a lot. he still wants to marry you but he needs time.
Post # 5
I think you need to be there for him and stop focusing on how it’s affecting you. Practice for your future marriage.
Post # 6
@dragonlover: Oh, woah! Have some compassion for the man.
You two have just been through some very rough things and I’m so sorry! But give him time to grieve and handle things in his own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and how horrible that his cat died in a fire, that is truly awful.
You’ve been through some trauma, don’t make it worse by taking it out on each other. Be kind and give him some extra love right now.
Post # 7
Your husband is going through a tough time right now. I can’t imagine losing one of my dogs, especially two weeks before my wedding. I would be a mess. And then to find out that my sister couldn’t come. Man, that would be so hard.
Support your fiance right now, he needs you. Let him know that you are here to help him through the tough time and that everything will be okay. Maybe his brother can still be a part somehow. Maybe he can write him a letter to read on the morning of or maybe he could do a toast over a video?
Post # 8
I’m sorry this has all happened, but you are kind of being a little selfish. I am an animal lover, and I would be crushed if my cat died. Not only did he lose his apt but his cat too? And, having a brother in the USMC, I would have been crushed (again) if he hadn’t been able to come to my wedding last year.
I think you need to focus on being supportive of him, and this doesn’t mean calling off a wedding because your Fiance is upset about recent events. You will run into many hard times when you’re married too. Are you going to theaten to divorce him when things happen?
Post # 9
Oh geez, I’m so sorry to hear about the fire 🙁 *hugs*
Not that there’s ever good timing for something like that, but this is indeed shitty timing. Pets dying is a big deal. I am not surprised your Fiance is having a hard time getting excited about the wedding. His brother not being able to attend is like icing on the shitty cake.
Just remember that he wants to marry you. I am sure he will have a good time when he’s there… but there isn’t really anything you can do except let him heal on his own time. He’s grieving. It’s very unfortunate that there’s a damper on your big day, but shit happens. He isn’t being this way because of how he feels about you. He is devastated because he lost a pet… and even losing belongings is hard to process.
He will come around eventually. Don’t feel like this is about you, though. He wants to get married but he just had a huge tragedy he now has to process.
Post # 10
@MrsSanchizel: This x 1000
This isn’t about you OP. Your Fiance has experienced trauma and then his brother is at the behest of the military. His best man can’t be at the wedding, his cat died, his house burned down… and you’re upset because he’s snapping at you and you want him to act like things are peechy keen.
You see a problem with that?
Post # 11
I’m sorry about your apartment :-(However I have to agree with PP , your FH’s cat died people get really attached to their pets like family , and his home just burned down and now his brother can’t make it to support him on such an important day.
Just try to support him and give him time to process everything… i’m sure he is already aware of money spent etc and has no choice to go on with the show , he prob just can’t talk about it right now … either let him bring it up or wait a day or so and gently bring it up.
I’m sorry about all this and I’m sure everything will be ok
Post # 12
Aww that is awful. I am so sorry all these tragic things are happening so close to your wedding. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Sending you love and hugs. I will pray for you guys
Post # 13
Is your date correct? You should have been married 12 days ago?
My older brother died 2 weeks before our younger brother got married. Your wedding will be a time of celebration… a OMG we have family that were there for us thru good and bad. It sounds horrific but go thru it and feel the joy and love .. it will make a difference.
Post # 14
Nothing in your post sounds selfish to me! I have no idea why so many PPs seem to think you’re in the wrong for expecting not to be YELLED AT. Yes he is going through an extremely hard time, yes you need to be compassionate and put your own feelings in the back seat, but NOTHING excuses your Fiance yelling at you and treating you like crap. WTF seriously.
Anyway. I’m so sorry he is no longer excited about the wedding, but I do think it’s understandable. He probably had a vision of how your wedding should be, and without his brother at such a sad time, it’s no longer the same event he was looking forward to.
He needs to stop antagonizing you and start acting like he’s on your side. At that point you both can calmly talk through your options and what you want to do about the wedding. Definitely see if you can find out what he would prefer to do at this point – postpone, go through with it, change some things, or possibly just not think about it for a while more.
Post # 15
@dragonlover: I don’t think you’re being selfish or insensitive, as some PPs are saying. Dunno why they’re jumping at you like that.
I think this has all been a drag on both of you. Fiance and I are going through a tough time right now as well and I can’t help myself from snapping at him or getting pissed at him for little things. And I feel like crap afterwards.
I think some space between you two would work. Be alone for an hour or two in the day, read, watch TV, bake, etc. It’ll help when you guys aren’t together to clear your mind, and it will help that Fiance won’t be there to snap at you.
Best of luck. Did you ever find the other cat?
Post # 16
@MrsSanchizel: I’m sorry, it was also my apartment that burned with all my things, and a cat I cared for for 5 years…
@Birdee106: Already working on him sending me at least a voice file. He has limited access to computers right now and doesn’t think he can get video, but if he can – I’m already on the phone with the DJ arranging an unexpected video screen.
@4cube: Thanks – people are making it seem that I don’t care about him. Ironic considering I gave him breakfast in bed, then I ran all the errands while he sat to Skype with family and play computer games all day.
Yes, I’m such a meanie.
I’m just upset that I’m caring for his cat that we rescued after the fire, running around doing all his favorite things for him and he’s just snapping at me.
@akirasan: Yes, we found his tiny cat on Sunday actually, after 10 days outside. She’s just gotten home and luckily no worse for wear other than a bit dirty and coated in pollen. She’s getting settled down and eager for human affection.