(Closed) FH quit his job

posted 8 years ago in Career
Post # 3
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would be freaking out…but at the same time I would wonder if maybe he wasn’t let go. If he has already undergone 4 pay cuts it is possible that the company is still in financial trouble. Perhaps he said he ‘walked out’ because he didn’t want to admit that he got laid off.

Either way though you both need to take a deep breath and relax before making any big decisions. Perhaps he could look for a short term job (think fast food, retail) until the corrections stuff comes through. THat would help with bills and wedding savings.

As for wedding, give him a day or two before bringing it up again. You still have almost a year. Use this time to get creative with less expensive options.

::hugs:: you will get through this, both of you.

Post # 4
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Absolutely I would be freaking out – and HAVE! We bought a house in July, FH proposed in August, left his job in November… similar reasons to your FH as well. I tried to be supportive as much as I could, but it weighed on me for quite a while! It took FH 6 months to find a new job. It wasn’t easy, but you’ll get through this.

Post # 5
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well…all I will say is I completely understand where your Fiance is coming from! I had a job that I walked out on to save my sanity. I had just bought a condo, had student loans, and some credit card debt when I walked away. I had been interviewing for months though and was waiting on a call back from those jobs. One night I went home and seriously contemplated killing myself since I had “death insurance” on my mortgage which said if I died then they would forgive the loan. My job made me so miserable and unhappy that I didn’t even want to go on living! I woke up that morning, called my boss up, told him to shove the job up his a**, and smiled the rest of the day!

I worked full time at McDonald’s for three weeks until I got a call back on the job I still have today and I never regretted one second quitting that job. Maybe he could get a temporary job doing something like that? They pay wasn’t great, but they gave me $8/hr and food which was enough for me to pay the bills (I used some savings for my mortgage payment).

Let things blow over in time. Maybe you could scale back some details of the wedding, just so he feels like you care about him and are trying to make the most of the situation. It is really hard to understand how mentally down a horrible job can make you until you are staring at a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey (not to say your Fiance was in as bad a place I was).

Post # 6
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’d totally freak out too!  However, it sounds like he may be freaking out/feeling guilty and that’s why he blew up at you about the wedding.  I’d just focus on him getting a new/temporary job in order to pay your day-to-day bills and NOT mention the wedding.  Yes, you guys have deposits, etc etc but at the end of the day, the more important stuff (that he can’t argue about) are mortgages and power bills lol – just focus on that when you explain how worried his actions have made you.

Here’s hoping he finds a job right quick! good luck!

Post # 7
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I kind of know what you’re going through…. we both moved to Canada from the UK soon after getting engaged and it took Fiance a while to find work but, when he did, he hated it. His boss was an idiot, the patients were treated terribly and he really hated it, couldn’t sleep (which is sooo not like him) and felt really bad that he was part of the whole system. He said as soon as he found something else he’d quit but one day it got so bad he sent me a text asking if he could quit and I said if he was that unhappy to go for it. Turns out, two months on we are really struggling to pay the rent and haven’t saved anything for the wedding, although we are 11 months out still. It’s so easy to get annoyed at him but, at the end of the day he was so miserable, it’s not worth it. I have had my days where I’ve thought ‘couldn’t you have just sucked it up and stuck it out’ but when I think like that, it really hasn’t helped. Much as I think I’d have stuck at it, it wasn’t me in that situation so I really don’t know. I can see why you’re freaking out, it’s a hard situation you’re in now, but could he look for any kind of work (coffee shops etc)  just tide you over and help get the wedding fund back on track and, of course, the mortgage?

Anyway, I hope it works out for you and good luck : )

Post # 8
226 posts
Helper bee

My ex husband quit his job the day before we got married… he proceded to quit 2 more jobs while we were together. Less then 6 months after the divorce he quit another job. I hope things work out!!! GOOD LUCK

Post # 9
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would definitely be freaking out if I were you…  I have been like your Fiance in a job that I hated with a jerk of a boss.  It was my first job after college and it was dead-end job that I only took because I needed the crappy money it paid and was waiting for something better.  I was there for six months and most of those months I came home crying every single day, I hated it so much.  But ya’ know, I stuck it out until the wonderful, awesome job that I’m at now came along.  Why?  Exactly for you reasons: a mortgage, utility bill, phone bill, insurance, groceries, etc.  I agree that it is incredibly selfish of him, and I’ve even been there.  My opinion is that he needs to get a filler job like at the grocery store or in retail until this other job works out, if it even does.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know it has to be hard…

Post # 10
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I will be freaking out, but sometimes a job can make you mentally break down.  I agree with Penguingal06 don’t bring up the wedding for a while, let him cool down, he’s already feeling bad for his actions(trust me.) 

You have a little while to go before the wedding, so just work on paying the bills and if you have any money left over get odds and ends for the wedding.

Hope every thing work out keep the bees posted.

Post # 11
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow I am so sorry this has happened and I COMPLETELY would be just as livid. In fact, A few months ago, I was DEAD SET on going back to school in August. But we cannot pay the bills on my husband’s salary so I NEEDED to keep my job. So here I sit, right? It’s what you do when you are responsible. And you can’t go back on the wedding, but he could have taken a few mental health days or something. He’s actively looking to change careers. Sometimes you have to be a grown up, put your head down, and plow through. That is what life is about. And YES some jobs suck the big monkey, but you do it because money doesn’t fall from the sky and your bills need to be paid. And as far as the “mental health” thing–um, seriously, companies provide mental health leave. It’s one thing to be hating your job, another to be suicidal and literally need psychiatric intervention. Hate is not enough IMO. I hated my job and I sucked it up. Why? Cuz the bills need to be paid.

So, my question is, how does he plan on helping to pay the bills? Seriously, shove that man out the door to go wait tables or bag groceries. He cannot just wait around to get hired at the prison

I’m sorry I think he did a very selfish, immature, and stupid thing considering the situation you guys are in. I just know that my husband would flip OUT on me if i did this, as the main breadwinner of the house. His income cannot pay the bills and I would feel TERRIBLE if i did this and put BOTH of us in this awful predicament. I couldn’t allow myself to go back to school, knowing there’d be NO WAY to pay the bills. It’s the main reason I am changing jobs internally, too.

But what’s done is done. Now he has to step it up and do something to be a contributing partner (financially particularly) in this relationship.

I’m of the mindset that you shouldn’t jump ship until you know there’s a raft below you. You are 1000% justified in my opinion.

Post # 12
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would be furious. The second he proposed, you two became a unified front. He should have talked to you first about wanting to leave his job, along with a back-up plan to pay the bills, instead of just walking out. Not to mention, this now puts ALL of the financial burdon on you until he finds another job, which is not easy in this economy.

I would feel like I wasn’t even considered in this scenario if that happened to me. I also understand how nerve wracking it is to save for a wedding you’re paying for yourself. If my FH quit his job, it would be a major red flag for me.

@shayednise … couldn’t agree more.


Post # 13
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I would cancel the wedding in a heart beat for either of our mental health.  And we’ve paid for probably half of it already. 

To me there is nothing more important than health.  Everything else can be fixed.  A ruined body or a ruined mind – nothing is going to make that better for a long long time and then what is the point of life?  You say yourself he’s been a different person. 

So to me, feeling like he cares more about a wedding or a house than about my mental health – in the moment that would make me think “dealbreaker”.  I’d probably calm down but… that really is periliously close to dealbreaker for me. 

On the other hand, you sound like you’ve been working hard in the past to be supportive – look on the bright side – now he can take over the cleaning shopping etc. since he’s going to be home!  And you’ll have a much happier fiance – I think that’s worth monetary struggle.

I know that I’m a responsible person so if I did something like walk out of a job I’d be super pissed if my Fiance yelled at me.  I’d feel incredibly hurt and upset that he doesn’t know me well enough to know that I’d never let him down if I didn’t have to and that he didn’t trust my judgement that this was the best decision and the only one I could make. 

Post # 14
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Agree 100 percent with EJS.  I stayed at a job I hated for years because the economy was lousy and I couldn’t leave.  I hated every single moment of being there.  I dreaded waking up and going there.  I was completely and utterly miserable. 

But I am an adult and bills need to be paid.  Our cats need to be fed and dinner needs to be on the table.  Some things are more important than liking your job.  Things can change in the future, but sometimes you have to just stick it out in meantime.

Post # 15
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Mrs. Cox, I think you have every right to be upset. He really should have talked to you about quitting, instead of just walking out. 

I agree that he definitely needs to find something for work in the meantime, while waiting for his prison job to start. Luckily, it is summer time, and so there should be a lot of landscaping, painting, or other seasonal jobs out there. 

You said you are in school right now, could you take out a student loan to help you until FH can get back on his feet? Maybe you could go to financial aid and see if they can set you up. I am using a large part of my student loan money to help pay for our wedding. 

GOOD LUCK darlin’! I think you will be ok once you get over the initial shock and come up with a good game plan.

Post # 16
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be freaking out as well! You are not nuts.

I am in a bad job situation. It’s stressful, and just not good at all, but I continue working because we can’t pay our bills otherwise. I also would not quit a job because employers look more favorably on job applicants that are currently employed.


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