(Closed) FH ring drama

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry that this upset you. 

Plenty of people wear the the exact same ring. Everyone that I know from the country I grew up in wears the same ring, everyone, plain yellow gold bands for both men and women. Unless it’s a really different band I can understand that it would be obvious but I also wouldn’t really be surprised if they didn’t even realize that they were the same rings.

Post # 4
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m sorry, I don’t understand. why does it matter so much that these two men’s rings are the same?  do they spend a whole lot of time together? would other people even notice? 

please try to look at it from their point of view:

I think it is so hard to find just the right ring, even for men. my husband went to like 5 different stores before he found his ring.  I would hate to tell a guy “hey, I know you like the ring you bought, but we are not going to allow you to keep it so you have to keep looking.” I mean, maybe these two brothers have the same taste in other things too. maybe this really was the only ring both of them liked.

honestly, if I knew somebody “flipped their shit” (your words) over it, I would not agree, and my immediate response would be to kick in to defensive mode. 

in defense of you: all of this could have been handled better from all aspects. they could have approached you and your Fiance and said “hey, do you think it would be ok if I got the same ring as my brother?”  also, I do understand why you’re upset that your Fiance threw you under the bus. he should have been more diplomatic about that!  

so, I’m sorry to hear you had a bad day ๐Ÿ™

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My DH’s ring looks like just about every other guy’s ring out there. I don’t get why you’re so upset. Unless it was a custom designed ring.

Post # 6
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@yellowshoe:  Gotta agree.  I doubt anyone would realize they had the same ring.  Not a big deal in my opinion. 

Post # 7
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t get the issue- two men having the same ring is no biggy! It is obvious it was not custom designed if there was one at the shop or they could order stock.

I think you have overreacted.

 

Post # 8
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t see what the big deal is and I think you owe them an apology. I can understand maybe being a little upset about it, but calling and demanding that they return the ring is a huge overreaction IMO.

Post # 9
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have to agree with PP’s… I don’t see the big deal. I think freaking out over it made you look terrible.  Now they’ll probably go and tell their mom about it…. YIKES!!

Post # 10
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“I basically flipped my shit and told my FH that I wanted them to return the ring they had just bought and go look for another.”

Really?  Pardon me, but I’m failling to see how this is important or how your behaviour was appropriate.

“They ended up returning “our” ring and buying another one, but I feel terrible. I feel like such a cow, but also happy that I got my way…I just need to vent to some people who will hopefully understand.”

Yikes.  Sorry I can’t help you out with that part.

Post # 11
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can’t get on board with this reaction. It’s a ring that symbolizes YOUR marriage. What ring his brother buys has nothing to do with it. It’s not like it was a completely original design if you just picked it up at the jewelers. Thousands of random people, or more, have the same one. No big deal.

I would take a day to calm down, see if there is anything else bothering you to cause you to behave this way, then apologize profusely to all involved. I would not look fondly on a Future Sister-In-Law who behaves that way.

Post # 13
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry, but you overreacted and your FH had every right to tell his brother the truth. You may not have liked the fact they picked out the same ring, but it’s not your place to tell them what they can and can’t have for a wedding band. If I were your Future Brother-In-Law and his fiancee I wouldn’t be too happy with you right now.

I’m not trying to attack you, honestly. But I hope the next time something like this happens, you’ll vent here first, let yourself cool off a bit and then decide how to handle the situation.

Post # 14
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry you had such a hiccup.  I would probably be floored bananas if that happened to us.  I hate to say it, but I think it could have been handled a little better – and whatever course of action that you (guys) took, should have been done when you were in a calm(er) state of mind.  That being said, in order to avoid any future tensions between the four of you, I would suggest approaching his brother in the next week or so and apologizing for going apepoop (if that’s how you were described) and just say that you really appreciate them exchanging rings, and that you’re sorry the situation exploded / got so ‘heated.’  It’s not clear from your post if he knew that you guys had chosen that ring – if he didn’t, was it mentioned at all during the purchasing/perusing process?  If he did, then, well, either way I think that would have been the best time to say something, or at least encourage them to come back at a later time after they’ve thought it over.  Again, totally with you on being upset – there’s no way I’d take that sitting down or with my mouth shut.  Just hope everything gets cleared up before both of your weddings!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well uh… good for you for getting your way? I guess?

:-/

Post # 16
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think you overreacted as well.  I know my FHs ring is special to him, its what he wanted and what he really loved, its also like many other guys rings I have seen, not a big deal, I love it too!!  I think you owe them a big apology quick!!!

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