Post # 1
So last night we were going through the guest list and FH was giving me a bit of a hard time about how long my list is. My family is largeish and makes up almost half of our 100 people. Most of my friends are married so all their spouses and kids are in. His friends are single but we decided to give all singles a +1. I asked if he had any other friends from home he wanted to invite and he said no. But then he said ‘Well, I guess if C can find a couple people who want to make the drive with him and I know them they can come too’ – I’m sorry what?!?! I was shocked, and he could tell. His response was – well, if he lets us know in advance, not last minute. The wedding is not a party to decide to tag along to. He thinks we’re inviting too many people (but keeps telling me all the people who won’t come – most of his family) so should I just let this go? What do I do?
Post # 3
Say no, say they only get plus ONE not three or four!
Post # 4
no to that, he can bring a +1, not +3+
Post # 5
I would ask FH if he’d like to invite some more friends. If not, I wouldn’t be ok with “bringing some people.”
Post # 6
If he isn’t having that many people there on his side then I would just let him invite a few extra. He probably just wants to have more people. In our case, my FI will have more people there than I will because he is local and all my family is from out of state. I wish I had a few more people on my side but that’s just how it is I guess.
I wouldn’t make a big deal about a few extra people if it makes him happy.
Post # 7
my head about spun off my neck when I read the thread title. The answer is no. That is all.
Post # 8
No. This is your wedding, not a backyard BBQ.
Post # 9
It’s his wedding too. If he wants his friends to be able to bring a few friends, I don’t see anything wrong with that, as long as he’s able to get clear numbers and names before any catering cut-off, and he makes it clear that after that cut-off, no more friends can be invited.
Post # 10
If you are not okay with it, then tell him no!
Post # 11
I would not be personally comfortable with this. if he would like to invite more friends that is ok but it sounds like for more of a need a holiday lets go to x wedding rather then yey they are getting married i am honored they invited me
Post # 12
@fishbone: That was how I felt about this issue. I have some friends from college and highschool who are closer with the friends I’m inviting to the wedding than I am. If the friends I am inviting didn’t have a date I wouldn’t mind them bringing one or two of these old friends b/c they are fun people to be around and a reception is just a giant party. I would just want to know about it in advance. I guess I never understand why the bride gets 100% veto power on everything even though a wedding involves two people agreeing to compromise and work together for the rest of their lives.
Post # 13
I would tell him fine, as long as FI is willing to foot the bill of the extra people, no prob!
Post # 14
@MsGinkgo: I’ve never heard of this. I assumed weddings were invitation only, not “hey, I heard of this great party, want to come?” I would think that if you and FI wanted to invite those folks, you would. He can’t be too close to them if their names didn’t come up.
Since it is a budget issue, I would definitely not let it go. FI needs to know that you have numbers you need to stick to and if the guest list does need to be modified, you should do it together. I have a larger family than FI does too, but it’s not our fault 😛
Post # 15
@FionnaCake: my issue is more that he doesn’t care who these people are as long as he knows them. I have no problem with us inviting 3 more people so that C has people to drive up with and FH has more friends at the wedding. I just can’t believe he’s so ‘eh’ whoever C wants to bring as long as I know them….
Post # 16
Let him add friends if he wants them. It’s HIS day too! Just make sure he knows about the financial consequence to your relationship too.