FH suffered severe spinal cord injury and I'm unsure of the future

posted 9 months ago in Emotional
Post # 59
Member
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This reminds me of an article I read years ago: https://www.glamour.com/story/ultimate-betrayal

 

In this case they weren’t engaged when it happened, but were seriously dating, and she ended up breaking it off with him. She faced a lot of backlash for it- mostly from people who hadn’t even visited this guy in the hospital, much less been involved in his day to day care but felt fine to sit on their thrones and judge her.

 

OP, I am sorry this has happened to you and your fiance. It is a horrible situation no one ever thinks will happen to them. I hope you can find some peace with whatever decision you make.

Post # 60
Member
3409 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

lisae85 :  Please don’t let the holier-than-thou bees get to you. They’re not in your position and they have no right to tell you that your thoughts and feelings are wrong. They’re not. They’re perfectly fucking normal. 

That said, I agree with PP that you should reconsider your stance on counseling. It is so, soooo helpful to have an objective third party to help you sort through your own emotions. Regardless of what decisions you end up making, you’ll feel better about them and more confident in them after going through that process. 

Post # 61
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

lisae85 :  I’m sorry you had to see these petty arguments, I saw these and was too disgusted to even post anything. People have a problem with them getting caught up in what they would do versus looking at it from a neutral perspective. I couldn’t imagine this happening to my fiance and it hurts even thinking about it. I think one thing I’d recommend is not to make any hasty decisions. You’re overwhelmed by everything right now and it’s all pouring down on you. I wouldnt end the relationship yet if that’s what you are leaning toward. I really would see how things go for a couple of months. Look at all of the options. In the US this is disability support, Medicaid to help with basic costs. Spend some time processing your feelings, see a therapist, figure put how or if you could make the financial situation work. Everything is fresh right now. Give yourself time. 

Post # 63
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this OP, take the time and think through what you want to do and dont let anyone judge you for your decision, you are the one who will face the everyday life. 

My husband got paralyzed (quadriplegic with some use in his hands too, basically paralized from chest going down) from a car accident after 1.5yr of marriage of which we only lived together for 5 months, it was long distance before and we had a 7mth old baby. He was living in my home country and i was living in Canada. it was devastating, i was angry at him for going out for drinks at night but eventually i forgave him. He stayed in the hospital for rehab for 4 months. He was depressed and wanted to divorce, he didnt want to burden me. I had family around who helped a lot, taking care of our son and my husband too, so i can take time to myself. I did think of leaving him but i felt it wasnt the right thing to do, i loved my husband and wanted to stick with him. I am a christian and went to church every weekend, that helped me with my emotional state. Eventually he accepted Jesus Christ too and he became hopeful and less depression.

We both came back to Canada as i had a good job, The first year was tough as i had to be the caregiver, no support like back home, i didnt feel like i was the wife anymore, until he qualified for healthcare. We had people coming in to help him few hours a day while i was at work and that just made things lighter for me, our relationship got revived, i could focus on being a wife. its been 4yrs now and he has gained lots of strength, he doesnt need a lot of help like before, i had to wake up during the night to turn him but he can do that himself now. He still gets a few hrs of help during the day when i am at work. We do have an active sex life, even better than before somehow, and we are expecting our 2nd child in a month. Its definitely tough and costly as we are limited in a lot of things, depending where you live too, we cant just jump in a car and go to some city, because we dont have an accessible van for his power wheelchair and he cant sit for many hours in a car. plus with hotels, you have to consider if they are accessible, things like that. 

Post # 65
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

lisae85 :  you are not a bad person for caring about your financial wellbeing. most divorces ensue over financial issues, so it’d be foolish to not take that into consideration…I truly wish you the best with whatever you decide to do. how are you feeling? venting about it may help you sort through things, especially if you don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about it in real life 

Post # 66
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I had a friend who was 25 when her boyfriend got diagnosed with cancer. From the start his prognosis was bad and they were preparing for the end from the start. She had quite a few conversations about me where she said that she didn’t know if she could do this. She admitted to me that she thought about breaking up with him. Not because she didn’t love her, but sometimes she felt it’d be easier to separate herself and have an ex-boyfriend die instead of a current boyfriend. It’s logic you’ll never understand unless you’re in the situation. It’s not because she’s selfish, it’s because she was an overwhelmed 25 year old dealing with her boyfriend of 6 years dying.

OP, I assume you might be going through something similar. It’s natural and okay. I fully support the idea of seeking support services for yourself-they’ll provide guidance, resources, and won’t be Judgemental. You gotta make sure you’re well too.  This situation is scary and overwhelming and exhausting, don’t feel bad for your feelings right now. This situation is still very new and might just need some settling before you really figure out your feelings here. 

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