Post # 1
Ladies, I could use your feedback.
First off let me say that I am 5’4″ and 135 lbs so I am not thin but well within the “healthy” range for my height according to charts, not overweight.
My fiancé made a negative remark about my weight during an argument earlier in our relationship. I made it clear that was NOT OKAY and he no longer makes any kind of remarks. But it still stings and comes up in my mind. Especially when I think about my wedding dress and walking down the aisle toward him, I fear I won’t look beautiful to him.
I decided to talk to him about this fear last night. His response was that yes he thinks I’m chubby, but he thinks he is too, and it doesn’t matter because he loves me with all his heart, I’m the woman he’s chosen to make a life with and and I’ll look beautiful to him no matter what on our wedding day.
Should I be satisfied with that answer? Part of me is still stuck on thinking I AM NOT CHUBBY I am a normal healthy adult woman. Why does he think I should be stick thin? Should I just let it go because the important part is there, that he loves me beyond my physical form?
Post # 3
It sounds like you might be making a mountain out of a molehill? He thinks you’re chubby, fine- but he also thinks he is too, doesn’t care about that anyways, thinks you’re beautiful no matter what, loves and chose you to be his wife forever, right? If you’re comfortable with your weight, and he’s comfortable with your weight, then it sounds like you guys don’t have anything to worry about. Focus on the fact that he loves you 🙂
Post # 4
I agree with previous poster. It sounds like he is fine with you so just let it go. Without seeing a picture of you, I can’t tell you if I think you are “chubby” but I used one of those calculators to see what my range weight was. If I was at the top of my weight range, I would look chubby. I used to be 20 lbs heavier and I definitely looked and felt chubby.
If it bothers you, then lose a few pounds. If you are ok with it, then let it go.
Post # 5
Not the hugest deal, but I’d be upset, too. My FI knows that topic is off limits unless it’s positive.
Post # 6
@mtbikelover: I personally like to be at the lowest end of my weight range (120ish) but it is very hard for me to maintain, especially as am into my mid-thirties. I am still 10 lbs away from the top of my range.
Here are a couple of unedited photos of us from the day we got engaged:
Post # 7
Huh, you both look quite slim to me (and my FI, since I asked if he would describe either of you as “chubby”).
I wouldn’t worry about how he feels about you, but it sounds a lot like your FI has a skewed image of “chubby” and “skinny,” given that he thinks you’re both chubby.
Post # 8
Other than accepting his answer, what can you do? Dwelling on it won’t help and you’re not going to be able to make him change his opinion on this, I’m sure he doesn’t choose to think you’re chubby, he just does. If you’re happy with your weight then there’s no need to do anything. You just have a difference of opinion on what ‘chubby’ is- it doesn’t need to be an insult to you, he said he thinks you’re beautiful no matter what, so I’d say just move on and don’t worry about it. I think it’s wise not to ask questions like this. It’s unfair, if he says he thinks you are chubby, you’re unhappy with his answer, but if he says he thinks you aren’t to spare your feelings he’d be lying. He can’t make himself believe you are or aren’t chubby though, so there’s really not a good outcome to asking him a question like this.
Post # 9
@Lovemelovemyhorses: I really appreciate your feedback! But I would like to reiterate that he is the one who made the comment about my weight, unsolicited, which led me to have anxiety about how I look to him on our wedding day. I did not ask him if he thought I was chubby.
Post # 10
I think its a little unfair that he called you chubby. I would say you are definately not chubby. 🙂 I can understand why you are upset.
That said, I gained some weight about 6 mos ago, and I started obsessing about it. It was only about 10 lbs, but 10 lbs on me is A LOT. I obsess pretty much every day about my weight. Usually my SO says something along the lines of, you look beautiful, etc. However I obsess SOOO much that he doesn’t say it everytime, and sometimes says something along the lines of, oh you should loose weight, or do you want to try this diet, etc. I don’t get upset because it would be unfair to talk constantly about how I need to loose weight and then punish him for agreeing occassionally with me.
I think it partially depends on how often you bring up weight loose and your dissatisfaction with your own weight. I wouldn’t take it too much to heart.
Post # 11
@JLR1982: Although I think it is probably fine, I would not be happy with someone who has a delusion about what a normal body looks like.
You are not chubby.
It does raise questions to me about what will he say/think if/when you get pregnant, have a post partum body, just gain weight naturally through aging.
Also keep in mind that he will have this attitude towards future children as well.
Post # 12
It doesn’t sound like he ‘thinks you should be stick thin” the is obviously very happy with you. It seems more like an issue for you personally that I would encourage you to explore further. But I would be happy with his response.
“chubby” to me, doesn’t mean “fat” it just means not stick thin – average.
Post # 13
@JLR1982: Woah, I don’t think you look chubby at all! You’re very pretty. If I were you I would definitely be upset, but I don’t deal with criticism well no matter what it’s about (something I’m working on). It’s something that you should probably try to let go, as long as your FI knows how much it hurt you so that he will never make the mistake of saying something like that again. I understand why it would bother you though, little things like that tend to embed themselves in your brain.
Post # 14
@JLR1982: I would definitely be concerned. For one, you aren’t (Skewed body views for 200 Alex!). For two, he said it in a derogatory way during a fight which is totally unacceptable whether he feels that way or not! That is setting you up to be unhappy because that’s not a good way to deliver his feelings about such a sensitive topic. I would have a good sit down and say you don’t think you are chubby but healthy and that you are happy with how you look. Also that it makes you uncomfortable how he feels about you. I would also bring up as PPs mentioned what happens when you’re pregnant, gain wait when you’re older, etc. Imagine how you feel now x 7276818 when you have extra baby weight – it will be much worse especially if you don’t have an open dialogue now and hopely clear things up. It’s such a sensitive complex topic and hard to discuss so good luck! Just remember to be honest and stand up for yourself!
Post # 15
From someone who is obese compared to you: you should get over it.
My man probably wishes I look like Jessica Alba, but he’s not still single and chasing down Jessica Alba look-alikes because he fell in love with ME.
I can honestly say I wish he could lose 20lbs. and he’d look great. But he looks great to me now. Hell, he can put on 20, 40, 60 more lbs, I do not care, just as long as he’s healthy and happy with his own self-image.
Seriously just get over it please. Get to a point where you are happy with what you look like, and if that means losing weight, gaining weight, or coming to terms with the fact that like everyone else, your man has an “ideal image” that has no effect on how much he loves you, then just get there.
But of course if he ever mentions your weight in a passive-aggressive way, what I just said does not apply.
Post # 16
@JLR1982: Oh girl, you are not chubby. At all. You are thin. If I had to describe you to someone else that’s the exact word I’d use. Your FI is also for that matter, I don’t know how he thinks either of you are chubby. If you were actually chubby I’d applaud his openness and honesty but now I’m just concerned about his eyesight.