(Closed) FH thinks I'm chubby but says it doesn't matter?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Took me a while to find an article on this, but I learned it in psych in university.

Research consistently shows that women believe the rail-thin, supermodel physique is what men find attractive.  The same research consistently finds that women are mistaken in this belief.  Men find a healthy looking woman attractive.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201207/which-body-shapes-are-most-sexually-attractive

Models are a specific shape so that the runway clothes fit them all, and therefore do not need to be altered before each fashion show.  That’s the ENTIRE reason.  It’s not about attractiveness, it’s about saving man hours, and, therefore, money.  Why are models supposed to be skinny to an unhealthy extent?  It’s just business.

Post # 34
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JLR1982:  what he says and what his subconscious tells him to get horny about aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Post # 36
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JLR1982:  lol.  If he wanted his friends to watch him taking that ride, would you still be into him? 😛

Post # 37
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JLR1982:  lol.  If he wanted his friends to watch him taking that ride, would you still be into him? 😛

Post # 39
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

WTF chubby?!? You look very slim to me. I don’t know what he is talking about. He sounds like he thinks a normal woman’s body is what he sees in movies and magazines and doesn’t realise how lucky he is.

Post # 40
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JLR1982:  You expressed worry about your body to him… he tried to give a real answer instead of just “you look great, honey.”  Stop thinking about it so much, is my advice, honestly.  I don’t think it’s a thing.  If it happens again, tell him what you feel lke when he says it.

Post # 41
Member
4435 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@JLR1982:  You look slim to me! He sounds extremely happy with you, but if my Darling Husband made a comment like that to me, I’d be super hurt and pissed off. I could be 100 lbs overweight and Darling Husband would never say I was chubby though. 

Post # 42
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Dare I ask, what exactly is his definition of chubby? I’m thinking dude needs to look it up in the dictionary to get a reality check on his ridiculously skewed perspective. You are NOT chubby. The next time he says that, I’d have him make an appointment to get his eyes checked out…and his head. Sorry, but seriously, to say that to you at all is just plain inaccurate.

Post # 43
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I certainly dont see chubby in either of you, but society is giving men a very skewed vision of what women should look like. Also, cultural back grounds play into it as well. You asked for feedback and you got it. I really dont think he was trying to be hurtful. You choosing toffocus on the negative at this point.

Post # 44
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is a classic case of don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. You talked to him about your fear that he would think you look fat on your wedding day. So you opened the door. Take a second to think about what he actually said. He wasn’t mean, he didn’t say he’s not attracted to you, he didn’t say that he wants you to lose weight. All he did it was give you an honest opinion (that you essentially asked for) and told you how much he loves you. Anything else that you try to read into this is a reflection of your own insecurity, not his feelings about you.

Post # 45
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see the problem. He’s explained that ‘chubby’ isn’t a negative thing to him at all. He also called you ‘beautiful’, but you aren’t dwelling on that..? At this point, what could he do to make you happy? Because it seems like you want him to lie to you.

Post # 46
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

OP, you don’t make it fully clear how this ‘fat’ comment came out in an argument. *Are* you self-conscious about your weight in general? While it’s certainly something he never should have said, it’s not unheard of for people to look for weak spots and use them to their advantage in a disagreement (though I hope that’s since settled).

 

Chubby is just a descriptive word – extra, obvious adipose tissue. Women often interpret it as, “I’m unattractive, ugly, stupid, gross, no one likes me,” and so on. It’s a very loaded word for many people. Does your guy know that to some extent? I’m sure. But he may not know the full gravity.

I do think a serious talk is in order – it’s not acceptable for him to call you chubby (I also find it laughable that he thinks he’s chubby, for what it’s worth. This guy really hasn’t seen chubby). I would find his wording a little strange as well – does he find you attractive? Do you feel he treats you differently because of your size? He *does* realize that not all women look like Playboy pin-ups, right?

At the end of the day, we all have physical flaws, whether it’s something very tiny or something very obvious. That doesn’t mean we reference them in a bid to push our partners down.

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