Post # 1
So I want to hear stories from the bees who did not receive a surprise proposal!! My FH is really put off by the fact that I am so involved in our future engagement. I know exactly what ring I will be getting and I did the work to find an independent jeweler who would make me my dream setting. I am VERY Type A and to be honest, this is just the kind of person I am. I am a perfectionist who feels like I need to be a part of it all to make sure it goes as planned. I KNOW, super annoying. And he has said over and over that I’m the one who has to wear the ring, so I should pick it out to be sure I will be happy with it. I think he just assumed I would pick something out that we wouldn’t have to get custome made. We already have the stone, which I also picked out. He keeps saying he wishes it was more “conventional” and “traditional” and that he got a ring without me knowing and proposed without me having a clue. This is just not my style. He also doesn’t understand how many couples go through these decision making stages together. I personally think both of us should be involved in such an important decision, but FH is looking at things from the Hollywood perspective if you ask me. Also, we have already booked our venue so it’s not like I don’t know it’s coming!! And this was a joint decision because we live in MN where the nice weather months are limited and venues book up really quickly! If you are going to have any judgmental comments about how we are out of our minds to book a venue before being “officially” engaged, please don’t even reply to this post because this was a decision we were both comfortable with and FH just wanted a little more time to save up for the ring. Please tell me about your “nontraditional,” “unconventional,” whatever the public eye wants to call it, proposal stories! Do you feel like it was any less special than a surprise proposal would have been?
Post # 2
First of all, the reason for the venue is totally reasonable. I don’t think many Bees will get worked up over that.
Second, congratulations on getting to the next step together! For me, that’s more exciting than a ring 😉
Third, no it’s not less special. It was more fun for us to do it together. I did not take over the whole process, we shared responsibilities. Whenever I brose and find a ring, he was right next to me and would ask questions–he was very interested in the whole process. When the stone we want turned up, we bought it with a setting we had already chose and paid it in cash.
He had the ring for months before I finally got comfortable to us moving to the next step. He was waiting for me the entire time to say I was ready. After I told him about my decision, he polled everyone (so I heard after the fact) about what’s the best timing and plan to propose. Everyone seemed to decide that when the time is perfect, the words would just fall from his lips. And it did, during a musical event on our trip to CA. A love song was playing and we were jamming to the music–with at least 20,000 people–when he whispered to me. We were close to the stage, surrounded by festival goers and it felt like we were alone and the music was playing only for us. When I said yes, the fireworks started and the stage came even more alive! It was a big coincidence and I’m sure he didn’t plan anything about it–but it was, magical.
Post # 3
Hubster, while driving us to the grocery store when we had been dating for just over a year (and still boyfriend/girlfriend): “soooooo…can we…uh…talk about…uhhh…next steps…uh…in our relationship??”
Me, completely shocked: “What? Wait… ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU’RE SAYING??”
Now hubster: “Uhhh, maybe?”
He has the subtlty of a freight train and has never been able to keep a secret. That got us talking and we realized we were both on the same page. He wanted to make sure I was on the same page as him before proposing which I thought was super awesome and respectful. Then I went off and told my BFF everrrything (she’s great at keeping secrets) and I started a secret Pinterest board which I shared with her. I gave hubster her number because I trust her to pick pretty much anything for me style wise. I also send hubster an email with all the mandatory things I wanted in a ring. He actually never called her and picked out the ring himself. I was 98% sure it was coming over the holidays, and my mom eventually figured it out too, but my dad and brother were completely clueless haha.
So to set the scene we were at my parents’ house over Christmas Eve and we were opening gifts. Hubster puts a small package on the top of my pile (wrapped poorly might I add ha). I could tell he was SOOO nervous sitting next to me. I thought for a brief second that I could be really nice and open it first or I could be really mean and open it LAST. 😉 I couldn’t wait though and I opened it first and it was my engagement ring. 🙂 My dad and bro finally figured out what was going on and it was definitely a memorable Christmas Eve. 🙂
Despite not having the “surprise” factor I am super glad that he had the courtesy and thoughtfulness to bring it up to me in order to make sure we were on the same page. Thus, when I read posts on here about people agonizing over proposals and surprises I just have to chuckle. It’s not just the guy’s decision; I would HATE taking a back seat in my own life.
Post # 4
I knew about my proposal and am sooo happy with our decision. I’m a little different in that my reason for wanting to know was that I have bad anxiety and don’t like surprises to begin with. We went and picked out a ring together. He was so happy to get me something I loved. Then we picked a day that we could spend the whole day together to really soak in the fact that we were about to “take the next step.” He did plan the day for us but made sure I felt comfortable. We ended up going to a park near sunset for a picnic beside the lake. We had already booked our photographers because they are hard to get and we wanted a short engagement so his question wasn’t really “will you marry me?” but “are you ready to make this official?” it was so special. I’m also very introverted so I was thrilled that it was just us and I had all the time I needed to process before anyone else knew. it was perfectly us and I have zero regrets about breaking tradition. do what feels best but it might be fun to let him plan a little. it’s sweet to see them nervous and excited.
Post # 5
Before he officially proposed we had booked our venue and I had my dreas. I also picked out my ring. He had it for a month before he proposed he caught me off guard and it was still a surprise in a way.
Post # 6
Before the official proposal, I already had my bridesmaids and their dresses. Fi had his groomsmen picked out. Oh and we already did a groomsmen meeting. I knew when he was going to do it. He proposed at my birthday dinner with a bunch of friends. Even though I knew he was going to do it, I did not expect him to do excatly what he did. I was really surprised by the giant bouquet he got, he has bought me flowers once. in a vase. Between the flower and the cake, I didn’t even see him with the ring until my friend said LOOOK!!
Post # 7
More and more couples I know are booking venues before the “official” engagement. SO and I had talked about getting married generally, then more specifically what year and what months were wanted; we even made the invite list one day on a long drive. Eventually it became clear that this was happening–two committed adults decided to get married before one gave the other a piece of metal.
We found ourselves looking at places we visited as venue options until I came across one I loved randomly at a brunch with a friend. I am also totally type A and very picky with jewelry (I don’t wear much and needed a low key ring) so I put an email together to a friend with what I wanted and she forwarded it on to him when he asked.
I didnt know it at the time, but SO had planned two proposals before he acusually did it. One was on a trip to London I planned so his grandma who left when the city was being bombed in WWII. His grandmother backed out of the trip so I cancelled it, thinking taking her and her showing him some of his history had been the point of it. Oops!!
The next was a proposal he meant to do on a trip to visit my family but there was a problem with the ring delivery and it ended up coming in too late.
In the end, I made dinner plans for us at the brunch spot /venue I liked and he proposed at home before we went. It was simple and sweet and very us. Plus we got to celebrate our engagement at the venue’s restaurant which is a greenhouse with tons of strung lights. It was perfect and I can’t wait to go back there to finally marry him.
Post # 8
I was standing in our kitchen one day, looked him in the eye, and said “are we getting married?”
He said “yes, of course” and from there we decided when we wanted to get officially “engaged” —ie pick a nice weekend to go out to our favorite restaurant, call parents, start wearing my ring—–and then I ordered my wedding set and his wedding band all from the same jeweler that day. Three weeks later, we enjoyed an awesome day, and called up the folks to let them know.
I personally hate surprises, and the idea that everybody in a brides life will know before she does that her SO is about to propose seems ludicrous. For us, there was no question that this was a conversation, a joint decision from both of our wants and needs, and carefully thought about. But carefully thought about by both of us, not just him and then me expected to immediately give an answer. And for all of the “romance” lost in our non-traditional engagement story, I feel we more than make up for it everyday with small kind acts, and lots of love.
Post # 9
I don’t think any of what you said is weird. I designed every little detail about my ring. He (and I knew this was the plan) had planned on getting it while I was studying abroad but he had some issues. So the first day I got back he took me to the jeweler and we worked out the issues and they started making my ring. It took a lot longer than we expected. We were going to Hawaii on August 10 and were told my ring would be completed no later than July 29. On August 4 the jeweler emailed me asking me questions about the design and that was when me and Fiance figured out that the ring hadn’t even been started yet!! I thought he was trying to throw me off but nope. I also knew that he was goin to propose in Hawaii and I saw him put the ring box with my stand in in his suitcase. I’ve lost both of my parents and that’s where they honeymooned, and it was (and still is, we’re getting married there) mine and FI’s favorite place in the world so he knew it would be special if he did it there. I didn’t know what day or where exactly he would propose, but I knew it would be in Hawaii. Througout the trip I kept thinking I saw the ring box, but nope, it was my mind playing tricks on me. Designing my ring and knowing when he was going to propose did not make it any less special in the slightest. Fiance still got to have his moment but is very happy that I designed my ring and got exactly what I wanted!
Post # 10
Bellagio conservatory? I know that tile…
Congrats! And the cupcakes look yummy!
Post # 11
It’s not letting me edit my response but whatever…When my ring was finally finished in OCTOBER, that is when he surprised me and pulled a trick on me! It was so him, he wasn’t really nervous this time and it was perfect! It was like I got two proposals! I had no idea my ring was in yet, but I was getting super frustrated and almost went to the jeweler with a few choice words haha. Oh, and I bought a dress before I even left to study abroad.
Post # 12
We decided to get married (August 2014)
We booked a venue (September 2014)
He designed a ring and showed me a CAD to be sure he was on the right track (October 2014)
Proposed (November 2014)
And I have told the story on here before, the proposal was a complete surprise. We were surrounded by friends and it was perfect. Center Stage of Cirque du Soliels LOVE theatre after the show. You might know it’s coming but it can easily still be a surprise
Post # 13
I LOVE your story!! So sweet! I love that it was spur of the moment during a time you both were feeling a beautiful connection!
Your last line about taking a back seat really resonates with me! That is exactly what is on my mind. Why would a proposal ever come if you and your partner had never discussed marriage before? I would be uncomfortable with that!
I love this! I also hope to never have a very public proposal, and I’ve of course told FH this 🙂
I like how you said you were two adults who made a decision without anyone giving the other a piece of metal. This is exactly how I feel the process is going with us 🙂 and I like it! But he just is having trouble realizing that it is 2015 and totally okay for us to move forward and make the joint decision!
I agree that it will still feel like a surprise! Just seeing him down on one knee I’m sure will be so surreal!
Post # 14
Basically everything you said is me and my bf. We know we are getting married. We knew since I moved in with him 2 or something years ago. We knew we were going to be legally married before I get my wedding. He hasn’t proposed yet but thats fine, because I knew he will very soon, i know the ball park. I am VERY type A (and he loves me for who I am). So yeah, i picked the stone, we basically had the specs choose us (not many in the size we liked, so we had one option and we were happy with it). I picked the setting and its being custom made. He bought the ring.
The proposal is all on him though. Yes I am a bit of a control monster, but I want to have a story to tell my kids of how my bf proposed. And I want it to be something he plans and does himself. Lots of pressure on him I know. Worst case scenario, the proposal isn’t what I had imagined and hoped for – but i still get my dream ring (hopefully- i won’t see it in person till its on my finger). Best case scenario – he rocks the proposal and I get my dream ring too!
as for booking the venue… thats a very smart move and I don’t see why any one would be against that.
I still want the surprise as in, I have no idea how he will propose or what he’ll say. So we’ll see how it goes 😀 I have a ballpark of when he will propose – when we go on our trip to Montreal. But I don’t know which exact day lol
Post # 15
Your story sounds perfectly normal! I think you’re engaged but just without a ring so congratulations to you both!
My story…lived together from a few months in, I was 20, he was 26. Bought a house after a year of renting. He proposed a few times (ringless) around a year of dating but I told him I was too young to make such a big decision, no matter how mature I thought I was. After three to four years together we starting talking about engagement and what we might want in a ring. It had to be ethical else we weren’t interested, we looked at fair trade metals and diamonds but the rings all looked plain and modern and didn’t ring my bell for the prices. Plus, even fair trade only offers so much protection and the Kimberley Process is flawed. Another year passed of us bearing rings in mind and looking for decent vintage jewellers. Bookmarked a ring I loved at one and we agreed that when we got engaged we’d go there. Kind of put it on the backburner as I was still only 24/25 and I wanted to be past 25 before engagement.
Marriage came up in conversation one day with family, it wasn’t about us but it got us thinking on the subject again I guess. We chatted about it in our garden the next day and we looked up the ring I’d been eyeing (thinking it was out of our budget but very pretty!) Sadly it was sold. He said to look at the others, there must be another I’ll like so I searched and found a beauty. It was basically the big sister of the one that was sold – twice the diamond size and more filigree, twice the price too. I jokingly showed him the ring and said “there, seeing as I missed out on the sold one you’ll have to get me this one instead now!”. He suggested we go down the next day and look at rings. Not the answer I was expecting! I was surprised because that was serious as it was a long drive away; not like popping to town. So he meant it, and kind of then and there we were agreed and engaged I guess. We were very happy and started searching through all of the rings and he sent them an email arranging a time and adding the item codes of all the rings we wanted to try on.
Next day we went and had such a lovely day in this antique jewellers going through all of the rings, they made suggestions too seeing as we were clueless as to what we wanted. I’d never worn jewellery and I didn’t have a ‘dream ring’ in mind like many people. After five hours and two trips to the pub we narrowed down the rings to three. One was white gold so I discounted that as we’d always said we ideally wanted platinum. One was the big sister ring and the other a gorgeous ring we’d dubbed the ‘princess ring’ because it was so diamond-focused! He wanted me to pick as he didn’t want to make the wrong decision. My heart was with the filigree ring and had been since I saw it, both online and in real life. He went back in alone to pay while I waited for him as that was ‘the man’s job’ lol! He came out all pleased with himself and the ring had been sent to their workshop to be resized and we’d have it in a week. We were so happy and entirely exhausted!
We stopped off at a stately home for a wander around on the drive back home. When we were out on the balcony overlooking the gorgeous views on a sunny day he offered me a chocolate. I declined because I was just so content but he insisted I try one. He opened the box and there in the middle of the chocolates was the ring box!! I hadn’t suspected for a moment that he’d left the shop with it! So he got to give me a lovely low-key surprise proposal after all even though the entire process up to that point was joint. I was 26 and we married recently two years later. So there, I think that’s fairly non ‘traditional’! Sorry it’s so long…