Ugh. I’m so sorry. I know that’s a terrible shock to the system, even if you were trying to prepare yourself.
A few things I found helpful: the “mend” app – it helps me because it’s a daily check-in that has a brief lesson and then a quick journal prompt (you just type the entry in the app, and it’s only for you) and then some things you can check off for self-care. It’s simple, but it helps me get my focus back on myself and stay away from getting in his brain/ speculating on him.
Therapy… can’t recommend this highly enough. For a while you’ll need a place to vent, and someone who can gently nudge you (eventually) out of the negative loops of talking about him and what he did and why etc.
gym/ trainer : if you like to work out in any way – do what you love – it helps to find someone who will text you every time you’ve agreed to show up. I know this may not be easy to find. But if you can. When you’ve scheduled a workout, it just helps to be accountable because for a while, it may be hard to follow through,
and moving your body/ breathing/ getting back in your own center and your own life is going to help you now.
Keep checking in here if you need support.
A broken engagement is a rough thing to navigate. Especially after a good trip together – I’m in that same boat. You thought you had a great time, and then the rug is pulled out from under you when he turns on you and tells his perspective. It’s so disorienting.
Eventually, (and maybe not too long from now) it will become so clear to you that you are so lucky to be spared being married to a man who could hide these feelings from you and then ditch suddenly.
Read up on attachment theory, if you’re interested- he may be dismissive/avoidant, in which case you’re even more lucky to not be marrying him.
In any case – as you go through the “bargaining” stage of grief, DO remind yourself there is NOTHING you could have done or not done to have a different outcome here. This is ALL on him.