(Closed) FH wants to buy another engagement ring

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Sounds like you could be helped by pulling up some of those “my bf doesn’t want moissy but I love it” threads!

Did you choose moissanite only for the price? If you were attracted to its other qualities, or its non-diamondness, perhaps you could explain this to him. 

If all else fails, maybe he could get you a new moissy ring. Or perhaps choose your wedding band? Or maybe he could buy you an Amora Gem ring when it comes out, that way it could be an anniversary ring too.

I personally will never buy another diamond now that I’ve discovered moissanite, and I’ve been VERY clear with my DH that he’s not to bring any diamonds home lol!

Post # 5
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d be super firm and discuss the idea that when you’re married, finances become joint (unless you already have joint accounts or are planning to keep them separate). For a LARGE purchase like that, you need to discuss it with your partner and make sure you’re both on the same page. You’re not both on the same page here.

It sounds like he has some kind of insecurity that this is playing off of. Maybe insecurities with money, with his job, with his overall status, with his approval by your family members…? SOMETHING triggered his distaste for your moissy and now he’s fixated on spending big money on a diamond.

When you have time together without other pressing issues, turn off the TV/computer/cell phones and tell him you think there’s more to it than just the diamond/moissy issue. If he says there isn’t, then ask him point-blank why it’s so important for him to replace the ring you already love as-is. Tell him it’s far more important for you to see him happy and secure with your relationship and upcoming marriage, and if he’s feeling insecure about something, he should come out and say it. If he’s so keen to spend money, start talking about other things you could spend it on – a vacation, furniture, other types of jewelry, etc.

Above all, be firm. If you’re not interested in spending that kind of money for ANOTHER ring, then that’s something you shouldn’t bend on.

Post # 7
4713 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

Girl men dont listen so just let him buy it cause if you dont he will just keep bugging you…my hubby is the same way…just ignore him when he talks about it and maybe he might just stop and forget about it…kinda like saying ‘no’ to a kid makes them want to do it more 🙁 just my two cents

Post # 8
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

it seems like its a bit of an ego thing for him

Post # 10
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If he’s hell-bent on spending the $$$, can you convince him to take you on a vacation instead? 😛

Post # 11
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Since you’ve tried the “nice” and “gentle” way, I would just flat out tell him “Sweetie, I love my ring. If you bring me home a diamind, I hope YOU intend to wear it, because I will NOT. End of discussion.”

If you don’t want a new ring, tell him that. And if he buys it, don’t wear it. He’ll take it back.


Post # 12
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think it’s time to stop being nice about it! “I love my ring, I love moissanite, I do not WANT a diamond and if you buy me one it’s going to sit in the jewelry box. Please try to get over whatever it is that is bothering you about my ring, I’m the one who is going to be wearing it forever.”

Post # 13
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply


What they said!

These are YOUR SHARED finances and it is YOUR ring – the one YOU wear.

It is a bit bizarre to me that he is being so insistent about this if you have expressed your feelings on this issue.

Post # 15
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SouthernGirl: When it comes down to it–the engagement ring is his gift to you. Sure some modern couples don’t do it that way, but he seems to be a traditional guy. If he wants to get you a diamond ring it is obviously very important to him and you should just accept the gift and keep your moissanite ring for your right hand. 

I didn’t necessarily want a diamond ring, especially once I saw the price. And I also would have been perfectly happy with a smaller stone. But my fiance wanted to buy his future wife a diamond ring of a certain size, and in the end I’m more than happy with my ring.

If he was on board with the moissanite or just wasn’t educated about it I would say by all means you don’t need a diamond–but this isn’t just a sparkly new piece of jewelry, it has a lot of meaning and it isn’t worth it fight about it for the next 60 years

I mean….are we forgetting that traditionally women don’t even see the ring before the proposal? Let alone dictate what type of stone it  is? I’m a control freak and I get wanting to design your own ring and pick out every little detail–but in doing so you’re taking away the element of surprise from your SO–Again fine if both parties are on board, but it seems that the OPs fiance wants to have that traditional role

Post # 16
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
@SouthernGirl:  Maybe you need to recount to him again all the reasons you love your moissanite, whatever your reasons are – more lustre & fire, ethical, etc.

My husband actually thinks moissanite is really cool – especiallly the part about it first being discovered in a meteor.

ETA: My husband did not like my most recent rings much stylistically (and loves my new ones so is happy I changed them) but never ever insisted I changed them as long as *I* liked them. 

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