(Closed) FH Weight Issues

posted 9 years ago in Fitness
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

Hi Miss Magnolia – FH is having the same problem… he’s gained a little weight since we’ve met and he wants to lose it but doesn’t do much to do that. We used to go to the gym together, but then he had to move to a new apt that is farther from our gym and he doesn’t go (which I totally understand b/c if its a pain to go, then that makes it harder). The one way I have found to help him eat better is to cook more at his or my place πŸ™‚ If you make the food it is healthier and since we have to eat the same thing and I eat healthier its even better πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Maybe cook healthier dinners together in a "joint effort" to get "healthier"?  You could say you want to feel better about yourself, and would like him to help encourage you.  Ask him if he would like to join you in more physical activities…taking walks, bowling, skiing.

Post # 5
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Would there be a way for you to change your workout schedule a little bit on some days? I think that if you found something y’all could do together – like a boot camp or something like that – and said "I think I’m going to do this boot camp…." and leave it a little open-ended, he may say – "That sounds fun, I want to do it with you". Maybe he needs a partner to get him going, and that’s just more time you can spend together!

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

that’s a hard one! I think the best way is working out together – maybe you can pick up a sport on the weekends?  Or train for a race you will do together -like a 5K or 10K? That way you might not go to the gym together but you are working towards a common goal?  Short of that, its really up to him to decide its an important priority.  Its much better if he decides he is finally ready to DO something and to stop just talking about it.  My husband hadn’t gone to the gym in months – and although I doubt he gained more than 5 pounds, his metabolism is ridiculous – he likes to be in shape and kept lamenting not going (he had plenty of time).  I knew there was nothing I could do and then one day last week he just had enough, and has been every day since!

Post # 8
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My fiance and I opened an account with an online diet tracking website, to evaluate our lifestyle.  You plug in your food consumption each day, as well as exercise, and it gives you feedback on how to improve your health.  My fiance was better at keeping track of it than I was!  He lost 10 lbs. in under 2 months (don’t you hate how guys can do that?!) and I lost about 6.5.  Although we no longer use it daily, it helped educate us about the food choices we make, and we’re still losing weight.  Try sites like sparkpeople.com or myfooddiary.com.

Post # 9
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think the common goals thing is a good idea.  Esp if you phrase it like "I really want to do this 10K, but I don’t know anyone else doing it" or something like that.

For me, Darling Husband had some medical issues where he lost weight and couldn’t exercise for a long time, so he lost a lot of muscle and strength. What finally got him into the gym was golf season — he wants to be stronger to play golf well.  And although he knew he needed to get to the gym, he didn’t do much about it until he went to hit some balls and realized how quickly he tired.  That motivated him way more than anything I said would have.  So maybe there’s some activity your FH used to do but would be a lot harder for him now?

Post # 10
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m in the same boat.  So I challenged my Fiance to a "contest" to see who could lose the most weight before our wedding.  He’s also agreed to run with me, on the condition that he gets something he loves for every mile we run.  He’s already telling me he wants to go five miles tomorrow!!  Find something that’s a real motivator to him, then offer it as a reward for getting fit.  I always ask him to help me eat healthier, and if he suggests eating somewhere that isn’t good, I refuse to go there.  He loves Taco Bell, but there is not one healthy choice at taco bell, so I say "let’s go to McDonald’s instead" which tricks him because their premium salads are to die for and healthy!  Most of all, he has to want to lose weight himself.  Just because he’s not happy doesn’t mean he’s made the jump to being willing to change.  In the end, he has to want to change like you did.

Post # 11
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m going to stereotype away here, but guys don’t usually have the same body issues as women, so — usually, it can be case-sensitive — it might okay to mention nicely that he’s getting pudgy.  Sometimes they really don’t even notice until it’s time to put on a suit they haven’t worn for a while…

My fiance started getting a bit chubby, and I didn’t hesitate to point that out, nicely, and mention he should think about going out for lunch less.  Okay, what I really did was start laughing and kidding him mercilessly the day I noticed that he’d put on weight.  I found it hilarious because he was super skinny when I met him and I didn’t think it was even possible for him to gain weight.  It didn’t seem to hurt his feelings any and he shed the pounds.

Post # 12
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My FH is helping ME loose weight and he wants to eat better so we developed a rewards system. Anytime I eat all my fruits and or veggie servings in the day I get a point and if he reaches one of his day goals he gets a point. On Friday whoever has the most points get to pick a fun date/activity for the weekend the other HAS to do. It’s been really fun (we’re quasi competitive) and he says he feels great. It’s been a great motivator to me since I’m accountable to him AND I DO NOT want to go see another dumb horror or action film πŸ™‚

GL!

Post # 13
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Is it possible, especially since you don’t live or exercise together, that spending time together and/or the extra time wedding planning is contributing to his lack of motivation and time?  Also,has he been active and fit in the past?  I’m asking b/c my FH had put on a fair bit of weight a while back, and it was starting to bother him.  Part of the issue is that he’s been working a lot and so doesn’t have time for work outs during the week, and part of the issue is that we no longer are active together.  We used to use most of our play time together outside (hiking, skiing, cycling), but I have an injury that keeps me from most of those things…a whole separate saga.  So now on weekends he sort of has to choose btwn going skiing or spending time with me.  But by making it clear to him (and myself) that I’m okay with his going off on his own he’s been doing it much more often.  Also, I did bring up his eating, not in the context of his being overweight but more in the context of long term health…and he’s really made a concerted effort to change his diet. My argument was that I don’t want him having heart problems etc. when we’re older…and that I consider his taking care of his health part of his commitment to our marriage, which really resonated with him.  Maybe it would with your FH too?

So seconding the above suggestions, can you make it a together activity?  And also, is it possible that he just needs more time to do these things on his own? And finally, can you approach it more from the aspect of concern for his health and for your long term life together?  B/c I realized that’s part of what was bothering me, and I was actually surprised at how seriously my FH took that concern once I pointed it out.

Post # 14
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

THis post is perfectly timed…. great suggestions! The contest or points accumulation sounds good. My Fiance and I just had a conversationg about this. I’ve gained quite a bit of weight since summer, and he’s been gradually putting on some pounds. We are both looking to improve our health…so we’re in it together.

I think i’m going to suggest signing up for a 5k in  the next month or so for motivation if he’s up for it. And last night we started the Hundred Push UP and Two hundred sit up challenge =) Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I totally relate b/c my husband gained more than 30 pounds over a 3 year period.  It’s a touchy subject….especially when you know they are not happy with their physical appearance…it’s hard to know how to help.  I don’t have any specific advice for you, but I will share some of my thoughts on our experience in case it helps knowing success is possible πŸ™‚

I think my fiance had several things contribute to his weight gain (he was super fit when we met) – stress and lack of time due to a new job and lack of time due to wedding planning.  I thought the wedding would be his motivation to lose the weight, but it wasn’t…he still looked great, but I know he doesn’t like some photos of himself…

I don’t think there was anything I could really say or do…it really came down to him making the decision for himself.  I tried to talk about it with him, being honest about my feelings: I was worried about his health, I missed being more active, I wanted to be supportive b/c I knew he didn’t feel good about himself…and I pointed out that he was getting older so his body was slowing down and we needed to make more of an effort to stay in shape…and I point blank told him he probably also has bad genes and needs to work harder than the average person…I pointed out his parents are always dieting, but never making any progress and how I did not want us to be like that…we needed to take steps now about lifestyle changes. 

After several conversations like this, he came up with a plan to eat better…and even if the food sounded less than appetizing, I stayed committed to his food choices.  So he did meal planning for healthy lunch and dinner options and I did my best to be supportive.  I stayed away from my occasional fast food cravings, I stopped baking sugary treats, we stopped eating out unless we knew there were healthy options on the menu…I think it was easier for him knowing it was about a healthy lifestyle change, not just his diet.  We talked about noticing positive changes on a daily basis (and still do)…we talk about what we ate, what we restrained ourselves from eating at the office, how we feel, how our clothes fit…all those positive changes we started to see, etc…

I think the one important thing I realized I needed to do if I really wanted to help my husband lose weight was to make a sacrifice myself…don’t buy junk food, don’t make the fattening yummy dishes for dinner, don’t make waffles every weekend even if I love them…we had to be in it together…

My husband really started trying to lose the weight in December and has already lost 18 pounds…he is looking amazing.  I guess if I tried to summarize my rambling, I would say that you should continue to keep talking with him honestly, stay supportive, and make it more about the two of you making healthy lifestyle choices together rather than him suffering through a diet alone.

 

Post # 16
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

These are all great suggestions. We are both at a point right now where we are not so happy with our weight … we eat well and we both are "fit" but we just really need to push each other. I think planning to run a 5K together will be a good idea for us!  I’m going to go research some now!

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