(Closed) FH/FI not respecting Idea of Budget – Refuse to Discuss Budget!

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Bee
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@Kitt0nMitt0ns:  Nope, I don’t think you’re crazy at all. You’re going to have to communicate about a whole lot more than just the budget as you get deeper into the planning process. For example, a lot of us had problems with the guest list – with parents or future in-laws arguing over who to invite. The best thing to do is start the communication early on. You and your Fiance should talk to his parents face-to-face and see if you can either nail down a number, or ask if they will contribute to specific things (venue, rehearsal dinner, bar tab, etc.). 

Post # 4
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You’re not crazy.  How are you supposed to know how much you have to spend without knowing how much they are willing to contribute?

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Not crazy.  My in-laws (and probably my parents, who knows), have pretty much said “yeah, just give us the bill.”  My “dream wedding” is not a dream wedding if it costs 50k for 80 guests.  Value matters to me.

Post # 6
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Kitt0nMitt0ns:  No.  You need to know how much his parents are contributing and add it to what your family is contributing and what you and your Fiance can contribute, that is your budget.

Money is finite.  I don’t care if you’re marrying into the Kennedys.  Everyone has a budget and a stopping point somewhere.  He has to realize that by not helping you budget, he’s going to screw you guys in the end when you don’t have enough cash to cover everything because he’s being flippant.

Post # 7
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

well they said they would discuss it with your fi, so have him talk to them about it before hand. 

if your Fiance has his heart set on this, and is acting as if a budget is nothing then tell him you and your family  can pay “x amount of money”  and anything more than that will need to be paid for by him or his family.

he will either agree or change his mind.

Post # 8
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship.  If he won’t talk about this budget with you, how are you going to discuss household finances down the line? 

Put your foot down.  Either EVERYONE who is directly involved in this wedding (your parents, you, your fiance, his parents) get together and discuss contributions and expectations, or you stay with the original budget.  While it would be rude to discuss cost with an outside party, that does not apply to the bride.  You need to make vendor decisions and put down deposits.  That means you need a firm number on what they’re contributing.  You also need to know what their expectations will be in return for the contribution, e.g. more say in the guest lists, more say in the decor, whatever.

Post # 9
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would be very nervous signing a contract to a venue that is out of my price range soley relying on the word (or word of mouth) from my ils.  I would want something more concrete.  Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Kitt0nMitt0ns:  Is his discomfort with money talk only in relation to the wedding?  I’m normally of the opinion that family stuff is very personal and unique to each family and shouldn’t be meddled with if you can avoid it.  So if they want to drive a dumptruck full of money up to your home and your Fiance thinks this is perfectly normal I’d smile and say thank you – also if they’d like to drive it up to MY home I’d throw in a box of oreos and a happy dance 😉  But if he can’t talk to you about budget issues in general I think that would be a big deal.

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