Post # 16
If the overnight thing is only every once and awhile then I would let it go… My hubby loves to have a few drinks with friends, at our house is cheaper and the most communal place for people so we’ll often have people over. Its not uncommon for one of his friends to crash from drinking in our spare room, especially the friends that live further away and there isn’t public transit to. I’m fine with this because its not all the time. Its once maybe every 2-3 months. Hubby needs his guy time, I get it. I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to never be drinking with his friends; it’s his house too.
With that said he does need to set boundaries; my Darling Husband had to do this too. He had a few friends who came to EVERYTHING and they’ve been like that since elementary school. We have gotten to a point where he can say to his friends “sorry guys, Kim and I are going to have a quiet night in” or “sorry, we’re going on a date just the two of us, maybe next time”. His friends have respected those boundaries, Darling Husband just had to have a chat with them about it
Post # 17
nikke2bee : If he only lives 15 minutes away then your boyfriend needs to drive him home. But 100% no sleepover. I would also say if your boyfriend has to drive him home more than 2 times in the next 3-4 months your husband needs to stop any help after he gets drunk. Dude is on his own to get himself home but he isn’t coming to your place, and your husnand isnt’ going to be his personal uber.
Post # 18
I’m trying to be cautious in my phrasing but… How positive are you that your FH and his “best friend” have a purely platonic relationship? Are you absolutely sure that one or both of them isn’t harboring romantic feelings for the other? ESPECIALLY if you live in an area or are part of a community where homosexuality isn’t commonly accepted, I would take a second to really consider this perspective.
That being said – it’s possible that they are both straight men who simply have a codependent relationship lacking in appropriate boundaries. Either way, you have a problem on your hands that definitely needs to be fixed before you marry this person.
Post # 20
kimmacph : This definitely our situation, we like having games night and small get togethers, so this is the place where all of our friends like to meet up. It’s just after these events everyone else leaves and he just stays.
ttw16 : I appreciate your view on this being one of the reasons, but this is very unlikely. His best friend is rough around the edges and not many people like him. My fiancé is just one of those people that wants everyone to know and feel like they belong.
I appreciate everyone comments, I think I’ll be having a talk about expectations as an engaged couple moving forwards about boundaries. And although he may consider his bf as “family”, he is not, and needs to know his place within our lives.