(Closed) FH’s family problems always in our way…distressed please help me

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wish that I could tell you that I feel bad for your situation or that your Darling Husband should spend more time with you and less with his parents, but I can’t say that.

Especially since his father is ill, you CANNOT ask him to stop spending time with him. He WILL resent you and it will make you seem childish and selfish.  I’ve never heard someone say after the loss of a family member to illness “I wish I had spent less time with them.” 

If you don’t want to be alone on weekends, why don’t you come with him to the hospital and to take care of his parents? Spending time helping them and getting to know them will probably make you feel better about yourself and your relationship with your Fiance and his family, rather than sitting home by yourself. Or, if you really insist on having your Fiance to yourself, try to schedule a date night once a week. That way he can keep his commitments to his family and still spend time with you.

Personally, I relish my DH’s close relationship with his parents and grandparents. It shows that he is loyal and connected to his family and it is a sign that he will make a wonderful husband and father (if that’s your choice).

Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2009

@CanAmBride: I totally agree with you, thats very good advice 🙂

Post # 5
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@CanAmBride: I completely agree.  If his father has a terminal illness, FH needs to spend as much time with him as possible before he passes on.  Nothing should come in the way of that.

Post # 6
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

your post reminds me in many ways of my hubby and his parents, but we have very different perceptions of it. like canambride said, if his dad is ill it’s just really selfish to ask him to spend less time with them. you can ask him to protect some time for you, but don’t ask him to spend less time with his family with this going on.

we used to live 10 minutes away from my in-laws, and even though his sister still lived with them they always asked my hubby to do things for them, like move furniture around, watch their dogs when they were out of town, etc. it was super annoying since they expected hubs to do it, not his sister since she’s really irresponsible…

and then fil found a tumor in his pancreas. this was about 2 years ago, before hubby and i were even engaged. it was the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through together. his dad was in the hospital for about 3 weeks and we were both there with him and mil as much as we could be. it was stressful and difficult for sure, but being there for his family was the most important thing we could do in that situation.

maybe the difference is that you mention that you’re alone when your fh does things for his family–do you not go with them? these will be your family too when you marry. do they not include you, or do you not want to be included? for me, when my fil was in the hospital, they clearly treated me as part a daughter-in-law, even though i was just a live-in gf at the time, and i acted towards them like they were my family too

 

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