(Closed) FH’s family RSVP’d NO !! What to do?? (long)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow…I don’t even know what to say that’s terrible! My grandparents aren’t coming to my Destination Wedding which really upsets me. I’m the first to get married and honestly no other grandkids will be getting married anytime soon. Ugh, the reasons they gave me for not coming just really upset me. Especially since like you, they’ve known for awhile and never spoke up until now. And it’s not in the budget to have a second wedding.

Post # 4
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This sucks for you.  We were ina similar position, not nearly so far away though.  But we changed our plans a lot and moved the wedding closer to all our friends and family because for us, that was more important than the location.

Is there any way you guys can help them make the trip?  I can’t imagine getting married without my family 🙁 SO sorry for you guys, I hope you can work something out.

Post # 5
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You could offer to pay for accomodations or for the flight for the mom and grandparents if they mean that much to you for them to be there. 

I am thankfully having at least my siblings and my parents at my wedding and the same for my FH but the next level out (Aunts, Uncles, Cousin) are mostly No’s.  Family is mostly in Florida, Georgia, and New York and we are getting married in Indiana so I figured we were going to have issues.

Truthfully nowadays where people meet each other all over the world they live all over the world you truely can not please everyone (you’ve already said it in your post).  Try not to let it get to you but if there are 2 or 3 people that are must haves that are saying they can’t make it because of budget maybe you can offer the room for the weekend to see if that can sway them.  You never know.


Post # 6
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I probably would have asked one of my family members on the east coast to help me make arrangements.Money is tight for a lot of people right now.They probably think it would have been more cost effective for you two to travel there.It would have been nice for someone to speak up prior to you booking a location. Maybe you can travel to the east coast and gave a small reception another time.Sorry,that sucks.

Post # 7
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

gosh i would save anyway i could to make one of my nephews weddings even if it was half way around the world – i cant understand someone that doesnt make an effort for their own child but im trying not to judge too harshly

hugs to you and your Fiance

Post # 9
1390 posts
Bumble bee

I totally understand and you have every right to be angry and upset. I’m not going to thread jack, so look for mine regarding this exact same issue in a little while. But to sum up, a super long engagement, a lot of effort and money on our part to go to everyone’s special day and not seeing the favor returned makes me want to scream.

Post # 12
803 posts
Busy bee

Lol, we’re the opposite. FI’s family is from Washington, and we live on the East Coast.

I think that it’s very sad, especially because I’m sure your Fiance would want his family to be there, but it ultimately speaks for the kind of people they are. You just need to accept that this is the way that they are.

I’ve been in your shoes with disbelief at the things FI’s parents say/do to their son. I still have problems with the way they treat their son, but ultimately I move on by telling myself that Fiance and I are starting our own family and we won’t have to deal with them very often. Sometimes you wish that your FI’s family would be normal, and nice, and that you could be one big, happy family. Unfortunately life doesn’t always work that way. 

This is your day. The people who are coming are the ones that truly care for you. They are the ones who will continue to be positive, supportive influences in your life. Don’t let them make you and Fiance feel guilty through their selfish demands and inability to communicate with you guys before you finalized your plans. That’s their problem, and it’s also their problem that they can’t be happy and support their son. It makes you appreciate more the people in your life who truly care about you. 

I think it might be worthwhile for Fiance to talk to his relatives and ask why they didn’t talk to you guys before, and why they can’t come and support him on this special day. Perhaps there is a back story you guys don’t know about. Or perhaps this is just who they are. It might offer some closure to your Fiance, and the situation. Ultimately you are his new family now, and you will be there to support him. 

Post # 13
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would understand if older relatives couldn’t come because they didn’t want to travel, or had health issues about flying or something. But even if you had it on the east coast, they’d still have to travel. Perhaps they feel guilty about not making it so they area trying to turn this and make you feel bad about it too.

Post # 14
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes, I’m so sorry. It just kind of sounds passive aggressive. I understand grandparents, especially of they have a harder time getting around, but the mother of the groom? Yikes! Sorry to have to deal with this!

Post # 15
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@starsonskyline9:  I’m just trying not to get upset about it. They are retired and have been for a long time so I can understand that they have to budget things. My Opa said they’ve set aside a specific ammount of money to spend on each grandchild’s wedding and don’t want the other GC to feel like they spend more on my wedding than everyone else’s. But like I said I’m the first to get married and it really doesn’t look like anyone else will be for quite some time. Even tho it sounds terrible, what if I’m the only grandkid that gets married before they pass away? Then what does it matter how much they spent on my wedding. My Fiance said if it was that important to me I could offer to pay for thier flights. They will be staying for free at FI’s family house so it would just be flights. I thought about it, and really was going to offer to, but then a week later I went for dinner with them for my Mom’s birthday and they were talking about thier up coming trip to Flordia for a month and I saw thier brand new car…not a cheap car either. So I really don’t think I should have to offer to pay $1600 for thier flights just so they will come. Like I said to my Fiance, maybe they just don’t want to sit on a plane for 7 hours and deal with the time difference. Whatever it is thier choice and as much as I really really do want them to be there, it’s thier choice.

Post # 16
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Did you discuss with his family the decision to have the wedding on the westcoast before booking venues etc?

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