Post # 1
FH’s father passed away in September of 2009. We have been talking about how we are going to honor him on our wedding day, and he has his heart set on having his brother walk with a small jar like container with his fathers ashes in it. This kind of creeps me out…and I am not sure why or if it is (for lack of a better word) *okay* for me to be creeped out about this.
I have tried to come up with multiple ideas of other ways to honor him, and nothing takes to his liking (candles, empty chair, pictures…i think thats it)
please help 🙁
Post # 3
Eek! Don’t worry, it creeped me out a bit too when I read it.. it kinda seems like a funeral.. except with ashed.. I think an empty chair with a picture of him would be more appropriate, remember him how he was not in his current state sort of deal. Your groom could also pass and put a flower or something there for him when he walks by. You could also put a little tribute to him in your wedding program and have a little speech during the reception.
Post # 4
I’m cool with the ashes – but not walking them down the aisle…
i would compromise by letting him put them on a table (like we had a picture table of our grandparents and parents on their wedding day) at the reception if he is set on having the ashes.
but if you are trying to avoid the ashes all together there are tons of other ways to remember someone. Lighting a candle ( maybe on your sweetheart or head table) in memory of him? you could write him into your program.
i saw this the other day. thought it was sweet
Post # 5
I thought this might be helpful as well.. maybe you and Fiance could read it together…
Post # 6
Yea I wouldn’t be very happy with this either. I like the empty chair/picture memorial idea. And maybe if he wants to have a piece of his father with him on the day he could wear something of his? A favorite tie, cufflinks, something like that?
Post # 7
It creeps me out too, but if that’s what he really wants to do I would still let him do it. I like @CorgiTales suggestion a lot though, I’d still keep suggesting things to him and hope one sticks.
Post # 8
Honestly, it kinda creeps me out too, and it will probably creep out a lot of your guests. Would he be opposed to wearing a necklace under his shirt and close to his heart?
There are many companies that will make special necklaces that have the ash inside or they can make one out of bone. If you do a search for “memory ash men’s jewelry”, there are a few that come up. You can also call some of the funeral homes in your area to see what they have to offer. Here is a link to an example of what I am commenting about: http://www.jewelrykeepsakes.com/Men-Urn-Pendants-s/114.htm
Post # 9
Maybe the ashes on the chair behind a picture of him.. idk if his heart is set on the ashes thats a good way to do it and semi hide it , but I would not be ok with the ashes being walked down the isle.. I feel like that is very much like a funeral.
Post # 10
My uncle brought my aunt (mom’s sister) to Thanksgiving this year. My aunt died last summer. I told my mom and grandparents that he’s welcome to bring her to the wedding, should he ask.
I could see setting the urn on a table in the back at the ceremony. Not carrying it down the aisle though. Maybe if his death was still at the forefront of the whole family’s mind (like if he’d died a few months prior), but he’ll have been gone for well over two years.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s appropriate either. Is there something of his father’s he could wear or carry (similar to how brides put photos of their grandmothers on their bouquets?)
Or, if he insists, maybe the urn near a photo of him.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies…When I talk to him on skype tonight I will suggest some of these.
As far as things he could wear, almost all of his clothes were donated and I am not sure if he had any cufflinks or anything.
I suggested the empty chair with a picture/rose because I am having one on my side for my uncle with a picture and a dreamcatcher he gave to me when I was little. FH didn’t really like the idea though.
We are having memory candles at the reception for both men, but we just havent figured out a proper way for his dad to be at the ceremony.
Post # 13
Why would he want someone to walk the ashes down the aisle? Even if his father were alive he wouldnt walk down the aisle, atleast most fathers of the groom dont. I think ashes should be left at home in a safe place..
Post # 14
@bells:Even though it was almost two years ago, loosing his father was very hard for him for multiple reasons, not just becuase it was loosing his dad. He was diagnosed with stage 5 lung cancer merely two months prior to his passing, so it was somewhat unexpected. there are other reasons as well, but for personal reasons I wont go into them.
I think that is why he wants his dad ‘physically’ there, he still hasnt let go (i know that is the wrong choice of words, but idk how else to put it)
he is currently in counciling and maybe that will help him cope a little more. for now, i am just trying to supportive and not pushy about it. 🙂
Post # 15
Awww so sad and sorry for him. And you certainly know him better than us with not being too pushy about it, and supporting him, good for you! Hope you guys can figure something out that works for the both of you! Good luck!
Post # 16
What if there was an empty chair or picture and Fiance walked over and put a rose on it?