Post # 1
one of my good friend, S, has been married since June…they’ve known each other for quite some time before then….last night she calls me up crying because a situation has turned into a clusterf*k for her….she got a text from one of her new girl friends who is a mutual friend to both her and her husband, asking her what time she got off work because S’s husband txted her saying he was having people over for rock band if she wanted to come…..S txted her back saying she wouldnt be home because of class…this girl asked if she would be okay with her going when she won’t be home, and S said she was cool with it cuz she trusted her husband and whatnot…well come to find out, no one else showed up, so it was only this girl and her husband for like 3 hours alone in the house….what makes it worse is that S has a stubborn brother who is temporarily living with them and he came home to only them two in the house and S no where in sight…..S and her husband got into an arguement and worked things over though she tells me that she is still upset cuz she feels like she allowed this to happen, but what she is really upset even more about is that her brother has lost all respect for her husband and won’t change his mind over it…..
i honestly didnt know what to say to her….and it made me think about my relationship with FH….i trust him completely but i honestly think i would be furious if it were us in her situation….i think for me, it wouldnt matter who the girl is or whether we’ve known her all our lives or not….i dunno…what does that mean? is it about respect? about trust?
what would you do in this situation? how would you feel??
Post # 3
I might be a little confused as to why my SO didn’t tell me it was just going to be him and this one girl. But it wouldn’t bother me.
Currently we have one of FI’s fraternity brothers living with us in our one bedroom apartment. He and I are often hanging out in the apartment alone together without Fiance. FI trusts me and I trust him.
Post # 4
@KatNYC2011: actually that didn’t cross my mind to ask her if she mentioned that to her husband…. i think i would be confused too…
Post # 5
I voted no. While I totally trust my husband and all of our mutual friends, it just doesn’t look good.
I would never put myself into a situation where I was home alone with another man, no matter how close he was to my husband. Nor would he allow himself to be home alone with another woman.
We have plenty of mutual friends that are both male and female. He has female friends that I’m not close with and I have male friends that he isn’t close with. But we are both careful to not ever put ourselves into situations with our opposite-sex friends that could appear to be inappropriate.
Post # 6
Haha.. gosh. FI’s 2 closest friends (from long before he met me) are women, and it would never even occur to me to be upset about him hanging out alone with them (which he does), even in the house.
Post # 7
I would not like it unless I knew the girl from before from a LONG time and we really ‘knew’ each other. I am not so much worried about my Fiance, but more about what some girls out there are capable of. He won’t make the moves on her but you’d be surprised how sneaky and conniving some women are and deliberately try to tease a man to turn him on etc. for fun. Uh… no!
Post # 8
It sounds like he invited other people, but she was the only one who showed? I would be okay with that, if that’s how it happened and it wasn’t a premeditated thing, because that would be weird and creepy.
I voted that it would depend on how long I knew the girl, but really, it would depend on if I thought she respected our relationship or not. In this case, it sounds like the girl really did, since she texted S to see if she was okay with it. It sounds like it was just an innocent thing where more people were supposed to come and didn’t.
Post # 9
I know that my J wouldn’t be thrilled if it was me home alone with another man. So, out of respect, I’m sure he wouldn’t do it to me. But I know him to never cheat (oh his past relationship messed him up because of her cheating). He’s a good guy. It’s the other people that I do not trust.
Post # 10
I looked at your question differently. The question for me would be, do I trust my girlfriends around my Fiancé? Out of all the females that I know, the only two females that I completely trust to be around my Fiance alone for a considerable amount of time is my mother and sister. That is it.
I know everyone is different, but my Fiance would never invite girls over if I wasn’t there. If I was gone and he wanted to play PS3 with people, he would only invite guys. This is a lessoned learned for your friend.
Post # 11
@Neva: “Liking” your comment. My Fiance and I both feel the same way. It’s not that we don’t trust each other, we just are careful about putting ourselves in situations that can be considered inappropriate to avoid situations like the one the OP outlined.
The brother got the wrong idea and now hates the husbands guts. It would have been far simpler for S’s husband to say “sorry you came all this way but since nobody else showed, I am going to cancel”.
Post # 12
UH no. I trust Fiance, I dont trust some girls.
I have known a few preditory women in my life.
My ex-husband used to have this “friend” that he would go out with to happy hour, and play trivia together, they were just “friends”. I trusted her, I trusted him.
Cut to 6 months after our divorce was final, they got married.
They now live in the house that I once welcomed her in.
B!tches be shady.
Post # 13
I have absolute 100% faith in my husband. He can hang out with whomever he wants whenever he wants.
Post # 14
@panterapeach: I’m sorry to hear. I know my J has had experiences where he was single and his best friend’s wife was coming on to him. Playing the emotional bullcrap card with him. Unfortunately, my J was stupid at the time and fell for it, but the soon realized that it was all head games in the end. Hence why I do not trust the girls. Ugh!
Post # 15
@panterapeach: To be fair, your ex was equally culpable. It wouldn’t matter what she was doing if he didn’t respond to advances. And LOL at the “b!tches be shady” 😉
Post # 16
I wouldn’t think anything of it if i knew the girl. My college roommate has been to my house while i was out running errands. My husband has been home and let her in while she waited for me to show up. They hung out. They watched TV. In fact, when i was in college, I used to have one guy over ALL the time to study with me. Of course, he was about 5″ shorter than me, too, haha.
If you can’t trust friends with your husband, they aren’t friends! I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, my friends wouldn’t do that. The idea of one of them trying to seduce my husband is laughable. I’d be insulted if one of my friends felt this way about me and didn’t trust me alone with her husband. Trust me, the last thing I want is THEIR husband. I understand everybody thinks their SO is the cat’s meow and because you love him, everybody else would do, but seriously–not everybody wants your SO like that!
I think in the OP’s situation, it was just an unfortunate case of the “nobody else came, even though they said they were going to”.