(Closed) FI & porn!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I personally don’t care for it, but I know my Fiance has looked at magazines and his college buddies all had porn DVDs they watched. I think it is natural that a lot of people are into looking at it. By no means is it a reflection on how he feels for you.

I think I would be worried if it starts causing issues in the relationship. ((HUGS))

Post # 5
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Not ALL guys look at porn.. although all guys at one time or another in our society struggle with it.

My Fiance was addicted to porn but through open communication, lots of prayer, and him seeing what it did to me and caring more about that than his gratification it’s been about 6mths masturbation & porn free!

I think that sharing the bedroom.. even with an image is incredibly detremental to a marriage and you and you Fiance need to get it taken care of. I know for me if my Fiance wouldn’t have cared about me in the way that he has to stop we wouldn’t be getting married… b/c I do NOT want a marriage like that.

I am so sorry that you’re going through that and hope that through some wise counsel and open honest communication you two can work through it!

Post # 6
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Just for the record, not ALL guys look at porn. My FH does not look at it. Ever.

If it’s a big deal to you, he needs to respect how you feel. Even though he doesn’t see the problem, if it makes you feel bad about yourself he should be more respectful.

Maybe he prefers to give himself a hand to relieve pressure every once in awhile? If he’s watching it INSTEAD of having sex with you it is definitely an issue though.

 

Post # 7
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh and I might add that Fiance and I are NOT having sex until we get married ( we stopped a few mths ago) so it’s not like he’s getting “release” that way.

Love is about action and sacrifice and I think that this is a great example of what that is… your Fiance needs to take the appropriate action and sacrifce for YOU b/c this really isn’t about him and his “needs” or wants.. it’s about the trust and foundations of what is supposed to be a LIFE LONG journey together… one that cannot be done if there is strife or selfishness

Post # 8
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Unless your Fiance looking at porn is interfering in your sex life (like he’s watching the porn INSTEAD of having sex with you), I wouldn’t worry too much about it – I know, easier said than done.  I do think that more people watch porn than would admit to it.

My Fiance does watch porn (as do I) and he’s even watched it while I’m in the same room.  What can I say, if I’m busy working on school work, and he gets a little randy, I have no problem with it since our computers are in the same room.  We’re just that comfortable with each other.

I don’t think you should take it as a reflection on yourself.  Remember, most men are more visual creatures, way more so than women.  It sounds as if you may be having some confidence issues after seeing him watch the porn.  I would talk to him about how you feel.

Post # 9
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just don’t understand the argument that it’s natural to watch porn… I mean porn is fake/setup sex on a dvd. That doesn’t scream natural to me.

I feel the same way you do when it comes to porn, your not alone!

Post # 10
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t understand how Masterbation and Porn are a bad thing at all as long as it isn’t in place of being intimate with you. If the Porn is just to release things or whatever then ok it’s not a huge deal. IMO.

 

Post # 11
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Honestly, this is the only thing my guy and I have ever really fought about. I feel like porn is not necessary in a sexually healthy relationship. I could care less if single guys looked at it, but I really have a problem with that. That might sound dumb to some people, but it honestly bothers me. Supposedly he doesn’t look at it anymore, but I honestly don’t know. For a time in our relationship it really detracted from our sex life. (ie. it got to the point where I felt like he would rather take care of it himself, than be intimate with me.)

I recently read this article and it pretty much surmised everything I feel about porn. Many may not agree with me, but it’s how I feel. 🙂

http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/

 

Post # 12
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hmmm…how to explain this. Our society is driven by sex. Males/females alike are driven by images of the opposite sex. Magazine ads, R-rated movies, commercials even (Easytone)…sex is everywhere.

I think we all have a love for the oppsite sex and the human form. Some like to take their viewing a step further. I am not condoning or saying that porn is bad. I think it all depends on the individual and why they like to view these things. Have an honest talk with your Fiance and ask what he enjoys about it? I personally love MAXIM magazine. I love the shape of a woman’s body and how individually beautiful we all are. Does it mean I want to have sex with a woman because I find the images captivating…umm HELL no! I love my Fiance and he is the only person that turns me on.

Post # 13
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I agree with you @crisark.  I’m not saying everyone has to look at porn, but if no one is being harmed in the making of the porn or the watching of it (and in this case, I think the OP should talk to her Fiance about why it makes her feel bad), then I don’t see a problem with it.

And I don’t mean to offend anyone or threadjack, but I don’t understand why people think there’s so much wrong with masturbation and why certain parts of society attach such a stigma.  By telling children that masturbation is wrong and shameful, you create adults with sexual issues.

Post # 14
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@karatechick27: I SO agree with everything you said!

Post # 15
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I just wanted to add one last thing, I honestly see NO problem with masturbation. I find it healthy and natural. It’s not shameful in the least. However, I do not understand why masturbation and porn need to go hand-in-hand so to speak. I am perfectly capable with taking care of my needs on my own without the help of porn. I’ve asked my Darling Husband about this as well and while he says it is harder to get off without porn, it is not impossible. I think guys (who are more visibly stimulated than females, granted) are so used to having quick and speedy access to porn, it is just easier. I definitely think it depends on the couple. Personally, I think it is a respect issue. But to each his/her own. If you are fine with it, honestly, kudos to you! I wish I could wrap my head around it. But even two years of therapy didn’t do it for me. LOL.

Post # 16
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I will be all kinds of honest right now…I can NOT “take care of myself” without a little porn. I find it totally ok and I’m not ashamed in the slightest,

Sexuality is normal and I said it before..as long as it isn’t in place of intimacy in the relationship and it’s out in the open, I see no problem with it.

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