Post # 1
My FI’s good friend is engaged to his ex gf.
I was worried about the etiquette of inviting them to our wedding, as I really don’t want the ex there. Just tonight, Fiance got the phone call that the groom wants him to stand up as his groomsman. Without even considering asking me how I felt about it, he agreed to do it. All this happened while another friend (also a groomsman at the same wedding) was at our house for a BBQ. I haven’t had a chance to discuss this with Fiance yet, but he knows something is bugging me. I also had a review at work today, so he thinks I’m upset about that….
I don’t know how to approach this. I am really uncomfortable with the situation because there is a bit of history…
When I first met Fiance 4 years ago, I expected us to be a summer fling, as he lived 14 hours away from me. At that time, he told me he had this ex gf who would always be the #1 girl in his life, and I could never compare to her… at the time, I didn’t give two shits because I just wanted something short term with him. I diddn’t want to be his #1.
When the ex and friend started dating, they were afraid to tell Fiance, but eventually had to as they got more serious. He said at that point he was totally over it, but I didn’t quite buy it. At this point, Fiance and I had become serious, and I had completely forgot about his “#1 girl”. He completely denied that conversation ever happened, but I wouldn’t make something like that up!
So here we are now- he’s standing up at her wedding…. and I’m afraid he’s going to want to reciprocate with his friend… I don’t know what to do!!! How do I approach this with him? I don’t feel comforatble with him standing at the altar with this girl (even as a groomsman) and I don’t want them at my wedding. Any advice????
Post # 3
This isn’t really about your FI’s relationship with the girl, it’s about his relationship with his friend. Obviously she’s not his “#1 girl” anymore – he’s marrying you. I think it’s time to try to let go of your insecurity about this girl for the sake of your FI’s relationship with his friend. Does he know you don’t want to invite them to your wedding?
Post # 4
I am sure it is hard to get over the past, but you really have to understand that he is with YOU. Do I think he should have talked to your first, YES… but I cant really say much because my best friend is a guy and he is in my wedding party. Him and I had a “past” as well. I would def talk to your man, but try to be cool about it. I hope it all works out.
Post # 5
Wow, it sucks that he said that, and he may have actually felt that way at the time, but obviously he doesnt anymore. They had broken up, and he became serious and is marrying YOU. He doesnt even remember saying it and doesnt feel that way anymore, shes not his #1, you are. Before my husband, I was with a guy for 6 or 7 years and had pictured us getting married. Just cause I could picture it at one point (sort of like your FI’s #1 girl comment) doesnt mean that when I see him now (which I do cause we bump into each other at work sometimes) I fall back into a time when I did love him and want to marry him. I choose my husband and would not have it any other way. Be confident in yourself and your relationship.
Post # 6
You need to let this go. It’s in the past. Obviously this is a good friend of his if they’re close enough for him to be a Groomsmen. Sorry but I think the friendship trumps your insecurity over this girl. I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a friend’s wedding next month. She is marrying my ex. She was a Bridesmaid or Best Man at my wedding and her Fiance sat at the bridal party table with her. If Darling Husband has an issue with this he has never said anything. We hang out with this couple often. She is one of my best friends and I am thrilled she is marrying a great guy. He just happens to be my ex.
Post # 7
I agree, you have to get over it. It was over 4 years ago. Obviously you are his number one now. He’s obviously pretty good friends with this guy so first off he definitely should be invited to your wedding and secondly you shouldn’t not allow him to be in someone elses wedding. Both your Fiance and his ex have obviously moved on so you need to too.
Post # 8
This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his friendship with his ex’s fiance. If your Fiance wants this guy in your wedding, I don’t think you can really do anything about it. He is no longer with her, he is with you and nothing should make you insecure because you are his #1 and nothing can change that. Unless there is bad blood between you and his ex, I think you should be able to include her at your wedding because at one point she was important to your Fiance and currently, her Fiance is very important to your Fiance. You shoudn’t cut out people who are close to your Fiance, including a Fiance to an ex.
Post # 9
I don’t think you need to worry too much about this situation. Your Fiance and this girl have both moved on, they clearly have no desire to marry each other, and it’s great that they are on friendly enough terms for him to be part of the wedding party. The girl won’t have eyes for anyone but her new husband on her wedding day, and your Fiance doesn’t want to be with anyone but you.
Post # 10
How awkward! But, I would look at it as a thing he is doing for his guy friend. It sounds like you all have moved on from him dating that girl, and since both couple are marrying, I would look at them as a thing of the past.
Has she been rude to you or anything? If so, I would understand the hard feelings, but if it’s just that life has moved on, I would move on too. 🙂
Post # 11
It might be difficult, but try to put your own feelings aside and be happy that your fiance has such a good friend in his life. The exgirlfriend is just a minor detail at this point.
Post # 12
Do you love and trust him? I assume so if you’re still with him and I would assume he loves you as well- let it go! It has nothing to do with her- it’s his friend! If it makes you feel any better, my husband is friends with the sister of the girl he cheated on me with years ago. I’ve known her for a kajillion years (before my hubby met her) and it’s still weird but I trust him. It’s not like he’s friends with her sister, in which case I’d kill him 🙂
Post # 13
You need to let this go and respect your husbands friendship. My DHs cousin went through this before but everyone is super close now; his Boyfriend or Best Friend married his ex. It was awkward when they started dating but they are both married now and even the wives are very close friends. This is so in the past and everyone is so far moved on from it but you. I think if your Fiance can get over his best friend dating his ex (I’m sorry I go by a code that you don’t date an exs friend) than you definetly should be able to.
Post # 14
I do not agree with most of the people above. If you’re not comfortable with it, then talk to your guy about it. I wouldn’t expect his reply/response to make you happy, but at least you would have had the conversation to ensure that you’re on the same page.
Post # 15
I don’t think that it is a good idea to even bring it up. Like someone said above, it isn’t about your FI’s relationship with the woman, it is about his friendship with his friend, and she just happens to be involved. I think bringing it up will just cause frustration on his part because he has obviously chosen you, and resentment on your part that you are in effect asking him to decline because you are uncomfortable about it and him being unwilling to do this for you. Something that I consider to be unreasonable.
Post # 16
Well as uncomfortable as Im sure your feeling, if they are friends I dont think you should be upset. Your Fiance obviously doesnt feel like she is his #1 anymore. Clearly thats you considering your two are getting married. Even if he doesnt have that man stand up in your wedding they are obviously friends.. So wouldnt he be invited anyways, and if he was Im guessing he would bring his wife. I think that even tho this is a weird situation, all the past stuff happened a long time ago. You are all adults I think it will be fine.