Post # 1
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
My Fiance and I do live together and he plays on the computer all the time. I dont mind as much as i did a couple days ago because now i have a laptop to keep me busy. BUT I told him I would have a problem if he didnt keep his word or responsiablity, that the amount of play time would have to go down. Long and behold, the other day he stayed up till 7:30am and was suppose to help my grandparents move at 10am. Of course he didn’t wake up and help. So when i got home I ripped him a new butthole. He told my dad that he would help them move but then stayed up all night… Oh and we made a deal that everynight he has’t to at least lay down with me till i go to sleep or at least for 30 mins, then he can go play games for awhile, but not all night, What kills me the most is that HE MADE THE DEAL. And kinda sorta isnt keeping to it…
So IDK what to do,and everytime i talk to his mom about it( since shes knows first hand) she tells me that hes addicted like some kinda drug. She strongly hates the computer and basically thinks its the devil.
I want him to be happy, do what makes him happy. I mean his not going out to bars, or stripper clubs or cheating, hes just simplying playing games… 24/7.
I dont want to be his mother and “ground” him or make him stop doing what he loves..
So i need an alternative. A positive one. One that can work for both of us. Any suggestions bee’s?
Post # 3
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Gaming can be very addictive (and fun to those who love it) so it can be a very very hard habit to break just like any addiction.
I also feel it is a little unfair to suddenly demand something that has been allowed to occur to suddenly stop. I think you two need to sit down and discuss this. Try not to make demands but to talk about how when he does xyz it makes you feel xyz. He needs to want to give up so much time gaming otherwise it will never work!
But there is no excuse for offering help and then not showing up- so I think you were right to have words with him about that.
Post # 4
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
My Fiance used to play WOW all the time. Over the past 7 years he has calmed down significantly, and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he has to wake up for work at 6:30am. He knows that I hate when he plays all the time, and not to hurt your feelings, but the reason he chooses to not play all the time is because he loves and respects me. He also is a responsible person and knows he cannot function properly at work if he is up all night. Currently my Fiance plays the new Star Wars game & he raids (or whatever they call it) on Tuesdays & Thursday nights. Monday night is our night together to do dinner or whatever, Wednesday he has softball, and then Fri-Sunday we usually hang out at night with eachother & our friends and during the days he plays a couple hours here and there. I think my Fiance realized over time that he would rather have a happy girlfriend, over spending time in a fantasy world. Maybe you and your Fiance can discuss what days/nights of the week can be computer nights, and what nights can be nights just to hang out and do other non computer related things. Best of luck!!!
Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
Ok my Fiance likes to game and will gladly spend a solid 24 hours playing Star Wars or Star Trek online (to my frustration) but he will always, always go to bed with me. Before he hops on the computer he will ask me if I needed him for anything that night and we will negotiate from there (ie I want to watch Game of Thrones with him so he has to be off by 9.30 or I need him to do something with the printer as I need to print our ceremony programs so he has to have a break at 8 so he can help me etc) and he knows that 11pm is bed time.
I then go in and pay him a visit 20mins before his deadline so he knows that he needs to save at the next point and not accept any more missions. He does go over sometimes, but no longer than an hour (usually because he cant save until the mission is completed).
My only suggestion is to check in on him when he has deadlines and make sure he sticks to them. If that means hovering over him until he is done, fine. I know if I leave the room Fiance will get stuck in lala land and it will be hours before he realises he was meant to do something with me. So I hover, gently remind him of the time, try and distract him etc until he gets off
I wont advise nagging as such, more giving him forceful reminders that he needs to live up to his end of the bargain. You leave him in peace for 3 hours, he now needs to get off and participate in the relationship. Its too easy for them to get caught up in the game so just expecting them to remember wont happen!
Post # 6
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
@Bears-bub: Nicely said. This is actually similar to how it works with us. My Fiance will check on me before he starts, and then I usually pop in every now and again just to give him a kiss (mostly because I miss him when he’s all the way in the other room for so long). I think your suggestions for the OP are good ones!
Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
thanks for the advice bees i might use some suggestions
Post # 8
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
My mister loves gaming. And, he does it more when I’m not around. But, if he goes into gaming mode for a few days, I find a book, or some movies I’ve been meanign to watch that aren’t his cup of tea and enjoy myself. He loves it and only does it occassionally. Maybe instead of giving him an ultimatum, you two can compromise. Perhaps you two can play games together (like Wii sports & Mario Kart)? That way he gets to game, but you two also get to spend some quality time together. =)
Post # 9
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
I dont want to be his mother and “ground” him or make him stop doing what he loves..
That’s really unfair of him, to put you in a position of doing anything remotely like being his mother. It is weird that you have to ask him to stop and go to bed and be up on time for his own appointments. As an adult he has to exercise his own self discipline.
I have no advice, just mad for you.
The mom thinking the computer’s the devil though, my mom’s like that! I know the type. The opposite end of the spectrum. I don’t think one attitude is healthier than the other, honestly.
Post # 10
Member
15287 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@GreenDream: I totally agree. My husband is a crazy gamer also. He’d play all day and night if he could. Usually on the first release weekend, I give up and he can do whatever he wants, but on any other day he has his “break time”. To do stuff he needs to do, to see if I want him to do anything.. and at the end of the day, he always goes to bed with me. None of this was really through nagging and being ‘motherly’, but things he does willingly after we had a nice little talk about game/life/me balance and the need for there to be a balance, not just games games games games.
Post # 11
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
I would seriously wake his ass up. If he makes a commitment to do something, and then does something that makes his promise inconvenient, that was his choice. I would have gotten him awake. My Fiance is a gamer and a fisher. I fight both. He knows if he makes a promise I will see that he keeps it.
Post # 12
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
I’m torn between completely agreeing with the OP 100% (this guy seems like he has a serious problem), and sympathizing with all dudes out there who sometimes fall victim to nagging. No offense ladies but *some* of you know what I mean 😉
It’s about moderation.. or at least being moderately excessive. I’m an introvert, I definitely need “me” time to unwind and the future wife doesn’t really understand that.. so it can get frustrating.
But obviously in this case, OP’s Fiance is taking things to dangerous levels.
Post # 13
Member
23589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@cassandra102012: My husband is a gamer. To makes matters worse (actually I think it’s kind of cool), he is a Producer in the video games industry! Friday night (a work night for me) he got in trouble for yelling out loud at 3am and waking me up. He was in “the dog house” all weekend. Okay, not really, I just jokingly made everything his fault.
But in all seriousness, I take a different view on the video game thing, and I think you touched on this. Being addicted to video games? At least he’s at home, and at least you know what he’s doing. I also find that playing “hard to get” works fabulously well for me. Accepting that he’s going to play video games, allowing him to play when we’re sitting around at home usually results in him wanting to do things with my family.
Best of luck with your Fiance. It takes some adjusting, going from the bachelor video game life into being married and…well, not playing video games all day. Until then, a big hugs to you!
Post # 14
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
im glad i did this post thanks bees
Post # 15
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
@cassandra102012: Oh no! I wish I had some sort of advice for you but please please please don’t just let him do what he wants. It doesn’t make you happy, so find some sort of middle ground.
Post # 16
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
haha my Fiance plays WOW and at first i didnt care but once we moved in and we had our baby i told him specifically, you can only play when shes asleep. So were good hehe