FI added another groomsman without telling me!

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: What should I do about my bridal party?

    Ask one friend to stand up- leaving out another friend that I also love

    Ask both friends to stand up and have FI ask one more friend

  • Post # 2
    Member
    10332 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Ask your two friends and let your fiancé decide on his own if he wants to ask someone else, but it’s completely unnecessary for him to ask someone just to even out the sides.

    Post # 3
    Member
    977 posts
    Busy bee

    I get what he did was annoying….but…you said you wanted it drama-free. So you are going to add more drama (aka the extra person) just because you feel like you “should” because your Fiance did? That makes no sense. You have the family side, he has the friend side. It’s sweet. Stick to your guns.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4993 posts
    Honey bee

    Don’t make people props.

    You either want your friends on your side or you don’t.  Also, you get to pick your side and he gets to pick his.  The numbers don’t have to match.  If you really can’t choose between the two and don’t want to have four, then don’t ask them.  If you are ok with four, then ask them.  Your Fiance is in no way required to decide the level of his friendships to coincide with yours and ask someone if he doesn’t want to.  These should be independent decisions.

    Post # 6
    Member
    10370 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    You don’t have to ask anyone else, you can just leave things as they are now.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t worry about it.  It’s annoying you had to find out from your mom and that he didn’t check in with you first, but it’s nothing to really stress about.  If you want your friends as bridesmaids, then you should ask them!  If you’d rather have a small bridal party, then don’t include them.  Uneven sides is an easy workaround – you can have your FI’s best man stand with him while the other 2 escort the BMs.  Your Fiance shouldn’t need to include anyone else if he doesn’t want to.

    Also, don’t feel bad about not having your friends represented while your Fiance has his.  Sometimes that’s just how it works out.  H and I both have 2 brothers each and zero sisters.  So 4/5 groomsmen were our brothers and H picked only 1 friend.  Meanwhile, my cousin was my Maid/Matron of Honor and the other 4 BMs were all my friends.  We did feel bad about not being able to include a few other friends so we asked them to be readers.  Maybe that’s an option for you?

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