Post # 1
I just need to vent a little bit… I was visiting my mom this morning and talking about the wedding and she says how happy she is that one of FI’s old friends is going to be a groomsman. I told her we aren’t really sure about it yet because we had agreed to only two on each side and we had both picked the two. She then tells me that he already asked him! Apparently the other night he asked and forgot to tell me so now I find out from my mother. I was so embarrassed that I am feeling outside the loop on my own wedding.
Now I do love FI’s friend and it will all be fine but the two people I had chosen for my side were my sister and his sister which made it very simple and drama free. Now I feel that I need to include a friend but I have two very good friends that I can’t pick between. My options are to pick the friend I’ve been closer to for the longest and leave out my other friend who I love and whose husband is a groomsman or to ask Fiance to add another friend who he had also originally considered so that I can have both of my girls with me.
I know it isn’t necessary to have matching sides but I would feel wrong having no friends up with me while Fiance has honoured 3 of his. What do you think is the best option here and please tell me I’m not crazy for being a little peeved at FI!
Also- for reference I haven’t asked any of my girls yet not even my sister or Future Sister-In-Law because I wanted to wait until closer to the wedding (we are more than a year out).
Post # 2
Ask your two friends and let your fiancé decide on his own if he wants to ask someone else, but it’s completely unnecessary for him to ask someone just to even out the sides.
Post # 3
I get what he did was annoying….but…you said you wanted it drama-free. So you are going to add more drama (aka the extra person) just because you feel like you “should” because your Fiance did? That makes no sense. You have the family side, he has the friend side. It’s sweet. Stick to your guns.
Post # 4
Don’t make people props.
You either want your friends on your side or you don’t. Also, you get to pick your side and he gets to pick his. The numbers don’t have to match. If you really can’t choose between the two and don’t want to have four, then don’t ask them. If you are ok with four, then ask them. Your Fiance is in no way required to decide the level of his friendships to coincide with yours and ask someone if he doesn’t want to. These should be independent decisions.
Post # 5
Thank you all for bringing up some good points. You are right I should just stick with what I planned to do. I wasn’t really thinking of anyone as props because in a perfect world there are 5 people who I would love to have on my side but we agreed to a smaller party. With the other friend of my fiancé, he had originally said he wanted this friend as his third so I was confused once his asked another friend and not the one he originally thought. Anyway you are all right and it is not a big deal. I think I was just more upset that I didn’t know about this until my mom told me.
Post # 6
You don’t have to ask anyone else, you can just leave things as they are now.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s annoying you had to find out from your mom and that he didn’t check in with you first, but it’s nothing to really stress about. If you want your friends as bridesmaids, then you should ask them! If you’d rather have a small bridal party, then don’t include them. Uneven sides is an easy workaround – you can have your FI’s best man stand with him while the other 2 escort the BMs. Your Fiance shouldn’t need to include anyone else if he doesn’t want to.
Also, don’t feel bad about not having your friends represented while your Fiance has his. Sometimes that’s just how it works out. H and I both have 2 brothers each and zero sisters. So 4/5 groomsmen were our brothers and H picked only 1 friend. Meanwhile, my cousin was my Maid/Matron of Honor and the other 4 BMs were all my friends. We did feel bad about not being able to include a few other friends so we asked them to be readers. Maybe that’s an option for you?