Post # 1
My wedding is in 250 days and already FI and I suffered our first major emotional breakdown about the wedding (and life).
In the past few months, we had to deal with budget issues, a growing guest list, figuring out themes, and our daily lives. I’m in school and dealing with balancing both work and school. Plus my grandmother had a mini-stroke around Thanksgiving so i was worried about her. Meanwhile, FI’s job is stressful despite making a lot of money. Then on Thursday, his health caught up to him. Already dealing with UC, he had an anxiety attack at work. When he told me what was the final straw (he saw something inappropriate online that left him startled and shakened), he had an emotional breakdown. I was upset at him at first but I forgave him for it. It left us wondering if everything is too much for us. Part of us want to scale down. But the STDs are already sent out to our guests. We’re a detail away from suffering another breakdown.
Post # 3
You can still have a wedding and scale it down – just cause your STDs are out it doesnt mean you have to do soemthing elaborate. Being together is the most important thing. At the end of it, a wedding is just a date. It’s a celebration yes but your guests won’t care about what food or what the centerpieces look like – in the end they are going because they care about you guys. They will love your wedding even if its in your backyard because its you two.
I’m in school too and in the midst of finals and I know it can be too much but take a deep breath and calm down and just enjoy t rather than worrying. Worrying doesn’t change anything but your perspective can.
Post # 4
@habibti: FI is ready to send invites to only super VIPs and have a very small wedding. Yes, that would mean losing deposits on our DJ and venue but his health is important. I don’t want anyone to miss out, especially those who will be gone in a few years. I hate seeing FI like this, emotionally and physically drained.
Post # 5
Get some perspective. It’s 250 days away and a one day event. If it’s not perfect, you life won’t be ruined. If you scale back, people will understand. Don’t let this one day event control your life. It’s not worth it!
Post # 6
Scale it back!
Maybe you’re not elegant reception in a ballroom people.
Maybe you’re catered BBQ at a state park people! There’s nothing wrong with that.
Post # 7
@BeeRod527: “When he told me what was the final straw (he saw something inappropriate online that left him startled and shakened), he had an emotional breakdown. I was upset at him at first but I forgave him for it.”
I’m confused. Why did you have to forgive him for his anxiety attack?
Post # 8
How much money would you lose by changing things around to make your wedding smaller and more manageable? Whatever it is, I’m sure it is definitely worth changing for your DH and your health and sanity! Do whatever you need to do, and I’m sure everyone will understand your need to make changes. Maybe just take a few days or a week or two off from the whole wedding planning thing to relax and enjoy each other.
Post # 9
@MsW-to-MrsM: +1 OP-what were you forgiving him for?
Just take a step back right now. 250 days is plenty of time to finish up planning a wedding. If you want to scale back I’m sure people will understand.
Post # 10
@MsW-to-MrsM: He was on one of those chatroulette sites and some girl flashed him her boobs. When he asked how old was she, the woman said she’s 13. It freaked him out and turned off his laptop. When I asked him why was he there in the first place, he told me he’s been feeling anxiety over his sexual performance. Then again we haven’t been having sex (or anything sexual) in the past couple of months.
@BrandNewBride: And we wanted a backyard wedding to begin with. But FI veoted that idea because how much would it be for everything.
I do appreciate this because it’s hard to talk to anyone about it on other wedding sites. And FYI, it’s about $700 of deposits ($300 for venue in which I hate and $400 for the DJ). We’re keeping our photographer at all costs!
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
A wedding is a glorified party. Do not let a glorified party stress you out this much. Scale back to save your own sanity.
Post # 12
I am going to disagree with PPs and say you shouldn’t scale back if STDs are sent and deposits are made. I think things will get better. Then again, I don’t know ANYTHING about anxiety or your fiance. I know that when I get stressed, it passes in about three weeks. Instead of calling it quits and losing money with still eight months to get it together, I’d start delegating tasks to family members and close friends. Tell them about the stress and your concerns. I’m so sure they’ll be beside themselves in any way they can. Assign someone to pick a cake, someone to find three caterers in your price range for you to choose from, assemble a team to come up with feasible DIY projects that look cohesive and easy.
I really think you can do it! So many people plan a wedding in less time. If anxiety is so bad you can’t plan what you originally considered a normal, feasible, doable wedding, maybe some counseling will help!
EDIT. Just read your update – I did not realize the deposits are only around $700. At that point I might actually go back to the drawing board and do something you both are more comfortable with!
Post # 13
@208bride: While we can use our venue for something else (bridal shower, future baby shower), it’ll be tough to let go of our DJ. Finding a venue for a scale down reception would be tough because the smaller the venue, the more expensive it’ll be. There’s at least 2 B&Bs that is 10-times better than our own venue but costs a lot of money. 🙁 And I’m not a fan going to a regular restaurant for a “reception”. FI is planning to sell all of his video games to pay for the wedding (his game collection is worth over $10,000).
Post # 14
It may be time for you to priorize what you want for your wedding and determine who is going to do the planning.
If the two of you want the wedding you originally envisioned, can he detach from the planning and have you carry the load?
If he can’t do that, then you may need to scale back to something less anxiety provoking.
He also needs to seek medical attention or mental health counselling, or both. Unless he owns his own company, he is jeopardizing his employment watching anything sexual at work.
Post # 15
@BeeRod527: Agreed with pps- definitely scale it back. Usually anxiety gets worse as the date approaches- all the vendors are getting paid etc. A wedding is supposed to be a happy event- I’d do whatever it takes to make your special day enjoyable and as stress free as possible.
Post # 16
@BeeRod527: Sweetie! SCALE IT the F*CK down.
A Big White Wed-ding is not worth angst and worry.
Can’t you invite the same people but plan a daytime affair with SIMPLE luncheon food, in a SIMPLE place and call it a day? No DJ, no band, no “program” no DIY no (for god’s sake) “theme” and etc–all of that is bunk and has nothing to do with you being married.