(Closed) FI and I disagree on how to spend day before wedding

posted 4 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 16
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

I like the idea of separate events the day before. Spa day for the girls is definitely tradition! You’ll see plenty of them at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Are you doing post wedding brunch the day after?

Post # 17
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, I’m superficial and want to look my best in photos, so I would want to spend the day before doing any prep (nails, working out, spa treatments, etc) and resting up. I wouldn’t want to do bourbon tasting or heavy smoking the day before my wedding. 

Post # 18
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

liaeona:  My husband’s groomsmen all came up (they don’t live in our city) two days before the wedding and spent the night at our house – they were up drinking by the bonfire until like 4 am while I was sleeping, then I woke up early the day of our rehearsal, packed my car full of decorations, my dress, etc. and went to my mom’s (about 40 minutes away and halfway to our venue), met my mom and BMs and we all got mani/pedis, then I got sushi with my BMs and we went to check in at our hotel right by the venue and then went day drinking downtown before the rehearsal. My husband and his friends picked up their suits and went shopping for things they’d forgotten and we saw each other at the rehearsal and dinner. I thought it was a lot of fun to have quality time with my girls and we didn’t have to deal with what the boys wanted to do. Not sure why your dad would have to go with the groomsmen, mine definitely didn’t. 

I think letting your Fiance have a laidback day with his best friends would be a nice thing to do if that’s what he wants. 

Post # 19
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We had so many little things to get done the day before the wedding that doing something like this wouldnt have even been an option…for either of us. 

Post # 21
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

liaeona:  Why do your BMs and GMs need to know each other? 

Also, what do you need to get done on the morning of the rehearsal? Are you setting up yourself? 

Post # 22
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We haven’t overly discussed how to spend the day before the wedding – we’re getting married in December, so still have plenty of time to decide. However, the day before will be a Friday so most of our bridal party will actually be working until the afternoon – the only one available to do anything with us will be my Future Sister-In-Law (a bridesmaid) but she has 2 children that would be tagging along. My Future Mother-In-Law and step mother also have Friday’s off. We have to head out to our venue to drop a few things off and leave a car there (for us to get home the day after the wedding), so I imagine we’ll just be running a few errands. We aren’t having a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner, so in the late afternoon I will head to my dad and step mother’s house and my Fiance will head to his parent’s – we’ll be having dinner with our respective families. My sister has mentioned getting our nails done sometime in the late afternoon (after she finishes work) only because she’s a chef, so cannot get them done earlier on in the week (due to health regulations and she doesn’t want to chip them lol).

If you want to spend the day together, then I think this is something you need to discuss with your Fiance alone (as in, when his best man isn’t there). Hopefully you’re able to come to a compromise.

Post # 24
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

I’ve never heard of this “tradition.” But even if it’s traditional for some people, who cares? That shouldn’t mean your preferences get ignored! IMO first priority should be making sure both of you have enough time to get any last-minute prep items done (without a disproportionate amount of tasks falling on you), second priority is finding low-stress activities all of you will enjoy. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do a spa day if you’d rather do a bourbon tasting. And it makes perfect sense to me that you’d want to spend time with his out-of-town friends who you don’t normally get the opportunity to get to know, and want him to do the same with your friends.

Personally, for the weddings I’ve been a groomsman in (at least the ones where most of the groomsmen/bridesmaids didn’t know one another already), it felt like hanging out in a big group the day before made everything more fun and relaxed the day of the wedding itself. How many people are you talking about total? If it’s a huge group, maybe it does make sense to separate out for at least part of the day, but otherwise I say stick to your guns and work to find a compromise that works for both of you, screw “tradition.”

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  somedaygroom.
Post # 25
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

liaeona:  I understand. I’m friends with all of DH’s groomsmen and some of them are friends with him because they met him through me. I would be sad if I didn’t get to see them just because people wanted to split up males and females. To me that’s like saying men and women can’t enjoy spending time together or are so different that they need to do activities based on their gender. FWIW, I *hate* it when guys suggest that the girls just go for a spa day. I would much rather go to a bourbon tasting thank you very much!

Ultimately, if your Fiance wants to just have a guys day I wouldn’t push for a group thing. I personally would prefer to have the whole group hang out but he should get a say too.

Post # 26
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

I’m with you in that would rather go for the bourbon tasting and I actually like the smell of cigars (showering will get the smell out, and have people never heard of washing machines for their clothes?). Spa days are kinda lame, IMO, but I never enjoy getting my nails or hair done (the end result is nice to look at, but it feels like a chore I have to pay for).

Maybe compromise and spend part of the day doing your separate guy/gal group thing and the other part of it together?

Post # 27
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill. My girls and I were busy the day before having nails done, and last minute things. We were all together for the rehearsal and dinner that night. You’ll have the wedding to hang out with your fiance’s friends.

Post # 28
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry Hun, I’m with your fiancé too. Only because I agree the rehearsal is plenty for your bridal party to mingle and I would personally prefer to take it easy the day before my wedding, rather than socialise with a bunch of people, drink and smoke, or go to a pontoon. Can you organise a recovery day at the pontoon? That would be more my speed. But this isn’t about any of us, it’s about your Fiance. You guys need to agree together what you want to both do. Good luck x

Post # 29
Member
23 posts
Newbee

liaeona:  write a to do list for him to complete in the morning, day before the wedding.  When the list is done, he gets time with the men.  

It’s a small to grant him, and hes helping you too.  Win, win?  I think so 

You don’t have to do a spa day with your girls, and maybe your Dad as an honourary member.  Poll the girls, maybe have a spa day and instead of wine, see if you can bring a bottle of bourbon? 

Post # 30
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you’re overreacting, you haven’t started a huge fallout over this. It’s okay to be disappointed, and I think you’re probably more annoyed about the fact that these plans aren’t really coming from your Fiance but from his mate. Your Fiance had a great idea that would be fun for everyone and his mate convinced him otherwise. Sorry to say you are marrying this man, so if he’s the type to be influenced by idiot friends you’re going to have to get used to it! 

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