(Closed) FI and I disagree on how to spend day before wedding

posted 4 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 31
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Here is what we did the day before our wedding:

Morning- got everything ready and organized in car to drop off at venue.  Checked and double checked that we packed everything we needed.  Dropped dogs off at kennel and went to delta sonic to have car cleaned.  Drove to venue and checked into hotel.  Got dressed for rehearsal/dinner.

Afternoon- brought everything to venue. Did reheasal.

Evening- Rehearsal dinner.  Everyone went back to the hotel.  My brother gave a last minute dance lesson to anyone who wanted to participate in our Ninja turtle themed bridal party dance.  Then, the guys went outside to talk and have cigars (my little bro owns a cigar shop, so this was sort of mandatory even though my husband and I are not fond of smoking.)  The ladies and I stayed and talked in my room for a while, but we went to bed fairly early because we were doing our hair early in the morning.

Personally, I would not do a pontoon boat (sunburn! gah!) or bourbon tasting the day before my wedding, because there is SO much else to do.  We continued our party the day AFTER our wedding by taking our bridal party to a nearby amusement park.  It was a blast, and the stress from the wedding was over at that point.  Everyone could get as drunk/sunburned/whatever as they wanted.

Post # 32
11651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

liaeona:  I guess I’m the odd person out, but in my opinion the way you spend the day before your wedding should be something you and your Fiance plan together. Alone. 

I can see why you would feel thrown to go from pontoon with everyone to guys drinking bourbon alone. 

I suggest you not let other people’s ideas of gender dictate what works for you. Maybe you guys will end up doing something separated by gender, but since this wasn’t the plan until his friend made it the plan, I think your feelings are valid, esp if you are going to end up doing work for the wedding alone. 

for bonus points, the happiest marriage in my family is the one where they refused to do all of the gender separation stuff. I feel like they might be a little co-dependent for my taste, but they’re happy and solid.

The lesson is: Be true to yourself:-) 

Post # 33
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

liaeona:  I didn’t even realize “the day before” was a thing. I mean, I know that’s when bachlor & bachlorette parties used to be done, but once everyone realized what a bad idea that was, I figured the day before was just another day other than the rehearsal. Are you getting married on a Sunday, so the day before is a Saturday? Or is everyone taking Friday off work to do this hanging out?  Do they know they’re expected to hang out all day rather than just the rehearsal dinner? I haven’t heard of this before.

Post # 35
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

liaeona: There’s certainly no tradition of staying the whole day apart.

That said, there’s also no reason for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to get together the day before the wedding. One wedding when I was a bridesmaid, I met the groomsman at the rehearsal. Since all I had to do was walk arm in arm with him for a few minutes, it was no big deal.

I spent the day before my wedding madly doing last minute things, along with my fiance. So I think *neither* of you should book up much of that day with social events.

Post # 36
1326 posts
Bumble bee

We spent the DAY before together along with people who were helping us set up at the venue etc. and it was a crazy busy day; I would not have got away with having that day off. Then we had dinner together as a group and then my Fiance went to stay the night with his best man and I went to the hotel (I wanted us to not see each other morning of). I wouldn’t have been happy with him skiving off the whole day, and I’m not “girly” so sod the gender separation bullshit.

Post # 37
2238 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

liaeona:  We ended up being WAY busier than we thought we would the day before the wedding! I took some solo time to get my nails and eyebrows done, and I got a blowout, but the rest of the time was dedicated to errands and last-minute details. My Darling Husband spent the whole day running around dropping things off at our rehearsal dinner venue and the reception venue and a few other wedding-related tasks. We honestly would not have had time to do anything with our bridal party or each other – even lunch! I think it’s best to leave the day pretty open, as you may end up having a lot more on your plate than you realize.

Post # 38
830 posts
Busy bee

I’m with you. I want to spend that day with my Fiance and my friends and family, and I’d be really annoyed if he made up a random tradition to get to spend the day bourbon tasting while I get the venue ready. I love bourbon way more than he does and since I planned the whole thing, he can help.

Fiance graduates from med school that morning (unfortunate coincidence… the school hadn’t picked a date when we started planning) and we’re doing family things that afternoon his mom is planning. If he tried to bail to do things I’d die to do, I’d be pretty freaking pissed. 

Post # 39
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

I totally see your point, OP. I would not want to be stuck taking care of last minute things while Fiance is off having fun. I would also want to try and shift the mysoginistic dynamic a little bit too. I also would not want to be away from him the day before the wedding either, nor have I ever heard of this. Here’s my advice. 

Plan out the things that might need to be taken care of that day. Decide who is doing what, or if its somethiing both of you can do together. Then talk to your BM’s, family, anyone who will be hanging out with you that day. Do they want to go smoke cigars somewhere or do they want to do a spa day or do they want to go do something totally different, or nothing at all and just spend time with you? Then come back to your Fiance and talk about that day together. Show him the list of what will need to be accomplished that day, and what your friends want to do. Then talk it out together to come up with a solution. 

In my circle, its common for everyone to hang out together. Good luck!


Post # 41
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think this is a very family-specific type tradition. I am all about the traditions, but have not heard that it is any kind of formal or even informal rule that the bride & BMs should be seperate from the groom & GMs. It would depend upon the family.

If you feel that you would prefer everyone go do something together, then by all means DO IT!

I would suggest explaining to your fiancé that this is not a tradition, but a personal choice. So it is up to both of you. Then share with him that you personally prefer to be together, and if he agrees, you would appreciate him expressing this support to his groomsman. A perpetual bachelor type guy would probably not consider how nervous or stressed you may be, and might not understand the concept of having a cartain someone who keeps you calm and happy. To him, hanging out with the girls probably seems like a chore. 

Then, stick to your guns!! A fun compromise might be to have lunch with your girls, have hime go to lunch with his boys, and then everyone could meet at the tasting room together?

I know some people will question whether this is realistic to expect of your wedding party, but each group of friends is different. My friends would totally love to have an all day hangout before the wedding.

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