(Closed) FI and I don't want my mom to be apart of our wedding.*sigh*:-(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think maybe it is best not to involve her. Especially if she is making those sorts of allegations against your Fiance. I can only imagine what she could think of to say at your wedding in front of your family and friends. I am terribly sorry you are going through this! Hugs!

Post # 6
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel you, hon. My mother and I are not close and haven’t been for years. Part of that is due to the fact that after I moved out, I started to realize what a bad mother she was. She straight up didn’t care about taking care of me–she made $60k annually (which is a LOT here), but we never had any money. She smoked a lot of pot and tried to hide it from me. We got LOTS of collections calls, and after I moved out, her house got foreclosed on, so she just abandoned it, and left anything I had stored there to be thrown out. I don’t even want to invite her and her obnoxious boyfriend. 

If that wasn’t bad enough, she texted me the other day, asking for money because wherever she works now is off work for two weeks. I replied and told her NO, I have a wedding to pay for on top of my bills, but I really wanted to tell her that maybe she should learn to manage her money properly.

Invite her, but don’t talk to her about anything having to do with the wedding. She can sit during the ceremony and reception as a guest, nothing more. If she acts out during the wedding, have her escorted from the premises.

Post # 7
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Yeah, Invite her. Give her and your FI’s mom a flower during the ceremony, but don’t have her speak.

Post # 8
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Your mother and mine share a couple of the same qualities. One of the reasons why my Fiance and I decided to do a planned elopement was so we wouldn’t have to worry about family drama. If we did have a traditional wedding and invited my mother (we’ve been estranged for years, my choice), I would be miserable worrying about what she was going to do and say. My mother can put on a really good show and play the doting mom, but she can turn in a heartbeat and play the crazy card, too.

Since it sounds like you’ve already decided to have a regular wedding, you’ve got two choices. One is to not invite her and deal with the subsequent fallout as well as you can, or you sit her down, have a serious talk about behavior, then invite her and get a handler you trust that can shush or remove her if she starts acting up.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope everything works out.


Post # 9
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Usually, all the MOB does is get escorted to her seat and escorted out. She’s really not  a part of the wedding. She’s just granted an honor of coming in and walking out separate from the other guests. Your options are either to skip the entire processional of family in general (which means FI’s parents don’t get a place of honor coming in either) or you include her in that. There’s really nothing else she needs to be involved in.

Post # 10
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I can only imagine how torn you must feel. Don’t feel like you have to invite her. She may be your mother by blood but it doesn’t sound like she was ever a true mother to you. You and your fiance together can make the decision if you want her there and I agree with everyone else, if she comes she’s just a guest and nothing more.

Post # 11
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have a feeling she would crash your wedding, even if you don’t invite her.

Do you have a friend that can be a bouncer? Maybe even hire one for the evening. That way you could invite her, but if she misbehaves, you’ll have someone that can escort her out.

I would write out the type of behavior you expect of her–like no date, only 3 drinks, wearing a dress that I appove of, etc. If she doesn’t follow the rules, time for the bouncer.

Worst comes to worst and she comes and does something totally inappropriate, it will look badly for her not you. People won’t judge you for her behavior.

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