(Closed) FI and I intentially weeded out certain people from our lives. Normal?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Usually I would say you need to have a balance between friends and your relationship, but these people are a bunch of losers…..

Post # 4
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Urgh, I feel for you.

We have slowly drifted apart from a few of FIs friends since they essentially tried to run me off. They would ignore me completely when I made the effort to come out with them, and complain about me being boring to Fiance when I suggested he have some time alone with his friends. 

People just grow apart, but I think getting into relationships can speed up the process. The friends Fiance drifted away from were never super close friends, more university buddies. 

We now have a small/medium group of super close friends who I wouldn’t trade for the world. He is 25, I’m 24. 

Post # 5
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Arganique:  eliminating toxic relationships is what many experts recommend so I don’t think you did anything bad.

 

Post # 7
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

@Arganique:  Just be careful to monitor his feeling on the subject. He may change his mind at some point and grow to resent you. I would keep tabs so that if this does happen, it doesn’t spiral.

Post # 8
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

these people suck! They are not friends. Nor would I ‘try’ to be friends with them.

Post # 9
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah…totally normal.

All my life I’ve pruned the people who were just bringing me down.

My Fiance does it too but I actually think he is a too-aggressive pruner. Like, a friend of his will do one weird thing that seems quite rude but makes no sense and is out of character for that friend….

What would you do? Talk to them maybe?

Well, Fiance prunes them! Right then and there!

I try so hard for him to just talk to them and ask them their side of things. I use every argument in the book for why that would be a good idea and wouldn’t mean that he was letting them get away with (insert uncharacteristic bad action here).

Most of the time he does NOT listen to me on this. I don’t know why I can’t convince him.

Anyway, if you have a good, clear reason, prune, prune, and prune that dead weight away!
 

Post # 10
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Those people sound like complete morons. If my fiance had friends who would go into my bag and play with my undergarments, we’d have a big ol’ problem. I’m not an overly possessive person, but I wouldn’t want even my best friend messing around with my underwear. That’s a ridiculous line to cross! Sure, look inside the bag to see if you can identify who it belongs to. Anything beyond that is so super rude.

Post # 11
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Truthfully, I think pruning needed to be done in this case!

I weeded a lot of people out of my life when I moved to be with Fiance.  He had a group of acquaintances that we’d hang out with when I first moved here, but slowly we did the same thing – felt we had more enjoyable free time when it was spent not all at the same place with these people.  I feel like the same definitely would have happened had he moved to be with me.  We still see these people from time to time but nowheare as near as much as when it was just him or when I first came around.  It’s all good.  Happy and peaceful is a good way to go through life!

Post # 12
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve never had a large group of friends whom I was especially close to. I can count my trusted, close friend circle on one hand.

Post # 13
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

I think you did the right thing. I can’t think of a single thing you are missing out on by hanging out with those people. 

Post # 14
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Arganique:  Wow, these people sound terrible. Not the kind of people to have a mature adult friendship with! Don’t feel bad about cutting them out of your life. It sounds like you and your fiance mutually are trying to grow into a more mature and adult lifestyle. However, this group of losers is stuck in an early 20s frat party stage. 

My fiance and I are similar to you in the sense that we drifted apart from most of our college friends because they were all living the crazy drunk life, while we wanted to settle down. We may not have tons of friends but we are transitioning into trying to make “couple friends” or others who are more like us.  

Post # 15
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

These people are imature and disrespectful. Distance yourselves away from them and try to find like minded friends

Post # 16
Member
7499 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sounds like that crowd needs to grow up.  No big loss.

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