(Closed) FI asked brother to officiate the wedding but brother is upset?!?!

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Let the brother to officiate or be a groomsmen?
    Give into the demands and let the brother be the best man : (17 votes)
    50 %
    Hold strong to our request for the brother to officiate the wedding : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Let the brother be groomsmen and officate at the wedding : (14 votes)
    41 %
    Find another minister and tell the brother to sit in a corner : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    11270 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Radiant Bride:  can’t he do both?  that should give him double the pleasure.


    Post # 4
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Well first, I don’t think you can force someone into doing something they don’t want to do – and it’s crystal clear that brother would much rather be a groomsman.  I think you and your fiance should grant him this and not push the subject.

    Post # 5
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My cousin had a family member officiate the wedding who was also in the bridal party. He walked down the isle with a Bridesmaid or Best Man, took center stage, married them, walked out with them, was announed with them, sat at the head table and did a speech as well. He was so honored because he felt he had the best of both worlds. It can be done!

    If he really is that upset and doesn’t want to do both, then I would just get another officiate and let him be in the bridal party. It’s not worth upsetting someone 🙂

    Post # 6
    3718 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Is there any reason why he couldn’t be the best man and officiate? The guys normally come in together, not with bridesmaids (at least at all of the weddings I’ve been at), so he can do both. That way he can give the toast, throw the bachelor party, and still officiate. This only works if your Fiance doesn’t have someone else who he wants to be the best man.

    Post # 7
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Why can’t he do both? My husband’s brother got ordained online to marry us, but he was also considered the best man. He still walked down the aisle with a bridesmaid, gave a toast, etc…but he just happened to perform the ceremony as well.

    Post # 8
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t really want to be officiating my wedding, officiate my wedding. I’d just let him be the best man . . .

    Post # 9
    7689 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Radiant Bride:  I think it is a bit strange, because I would think FI’s brother would be honored to preside over the ceremony, but perhaps FI’s brother thinks that since he presides over everyone else’s wedding, maybe he thinks that it is more personal to be his brother’s BM?  Can he do both?  Would he like to do both?  Or would he rather be just BM?  I think it would be nice to have him be best man.  Or do both, if he would like to. 

    Post # 11
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    We paid our officiant, it was a job.  Your Future Brother-In-Law may feel like you are asking him to work at your wedding, rather than holding a position of honor standing beside his brother.  If he wasn’t an ordained minister would he be the Best Man?  If one of your BMs was a photographer would you ask her to take photos instead of being your bridesmaid?  I can see how he would feel the way he does, and I would hire an officiant, let him by in a groomsman, and let him do a reading or a blessing or something else as an honor.

    Post # 12
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Your options aren’t really fitting. ” Give in to his demands” ? I don’t see him not wanting to HUGE task of officating his brother’s wedding as making a demand. That is understandable. Why not let him do what he feels comfortable doing…?

    Post # 13
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I might be able to give you some insight on what your Future Brother-In-Law is thinking. My dad is a minister, so naturally a lot of people have been asking if he will officiate at my wedding. He told me from the beginning, however, that he would rather not. As a minister, preparing for a wedding takes a LOT of work and the day of can be very stressful. My dad wants to enjoy my wedding and just be the father of the bride rather than the minister that day. Maybe that’s how your Future Brother-In-Law feels–he just wants to be the brother of the groom and the best man and not the minister, which is his everyday job. I’m sure he was honored that you asked, but it might be best for everyone to get someone else to do the job so he can really enjoy the day.

    Post # 15
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Is the brother aware that you guys don’t want him to be the best man? It seems like that would hurt his feelings too if he’s expecting it. I can understand him wanting to be  in the bridal party. It’s a lot less stressful than officiating a wedding. 

    Post # 16
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 1997

    Since your FI does not want him as the Bridesmaid or Best Man. There really isn’t much to discuss. It is your wedding so he either accepts being the Officiant or he needs to just be a guest. That is really a shame, sounds like feelings are going to hurt. I wish you the best.  



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