Post # 1
I am looking for an outisde opinion regarding this topic. FI’s brother is a ordained minister. Therefore Fiance asked his brother to officiate the ceremony. FI’s brother became upset b/c he wants to be in the wedding party, walk down the aisle with a Brdiesmaid, sit at the head table, etc.
For a bit of back story, Fiance was the best man at his brother’s wedding to his first wife in 2004. The brother has sinced divorced and remarried last summer. The brother held a quick elopment to his new wife last year which surprised everyone.
I beleive the brother wants to have the tradiational experience as the best man. Fiance feels that he is giving his brother a big honor of presiding over the ceremony. I am trying to figure out a way to not hurt my future brother in law’s feelings. Any help would be appreciated!
Post # 3
@Radiant Bride: can’t he do both? that should give him double the pleasure.
Post # 4
Well first, I don’t think you can force someone into doing something they don’t want to do – and it’s crystal clear that brother would much rather be a groomsman. I think you and your fiance should grant him this and not push the subject.
Post # 5
My cousin had a family member officiate the wedding who was also in the bridal party. He walked down the isle with a Bridesmaid or Best Man, took center stage, married them, walked out with them, was announed with them, sat at the head table and did a speech as well. He was so honored because he felt he had the best of both worlds. It can be done!
If he really is that upset and doesn’t want to do both, then I would just get another officiate and let him be in the bridal party. It’s not worth upsetting someone 🙂
Post # 6
Is there any reason why he couldn’t be the best man and officiate? The guys normally come in together, not with bridesmaids (at least at all of the weddings I’ve been at), so he can do both. That way he can give the toast, throw the bachelor party, and still officiate. This only works if your Fiance doesn’t have someone else who he wants to be the best man.
Post # 7
Why can’t he do both? My husband’s brother got ordained online to marry us, but he was also considered the best man. He still walked down the aisle with a bridesmaid, gave a toast, etc…but he just happened to perform the ceremony as well.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t really want to be officiating my wedding, officiate my wedding. I’d just let him be the best man . . .
Post # 9
@Radiant Bride: I think it is a bit strange, because I would think FI’s brother would be honored to preside over the ceremony, but perhaps FI’s brother thinks that since he presides over everyone else’s wedding, maybe he thinks that it is more personal to be his brother’s BM? Can he do both? Would he like to do both? Or would he rather be just BM? I think it would be nice to have him be best man. Or do both, if he would like to.
Post # 10
@mypinkshoes-I don’t see a problem with him doing double duty that day. I think its a good compromise. I have to get dear Fiance on board with the idea.
@emp04-I think the compromise is a great idea,
@legallyblondebride-That is great! If FI’s brother has the opportunity to give a speech and preside over the ceremony, it can all work out.
@daybyday-It seems that FI’s brother appreciates being asked to officiate yet he runs and tells FI’s mother that he really wants to be a member of the wedding party. I would prefer if he would have come to us directly to voice his opinion. Gotta luv family!
Post # 11
We paid our officiant, it was a job. Your Future Brother-In-Law may feel like you are asking him to work at your wedding, rather than holding a position of honor standing beside his brother. If he wasn’t an ordained minister would he be the Best Man? If one of your BMs was a photographer would you ask her to take photos instead of being your bridesmaid? I can see how he would feel the way he does, and I would hire an officiant, let him by in a groomsman, and let him do a reading or a blessing or something else as an honor.
Post # 12
Your options aren’t really fitting. ” Give in to his demands” ? I don’t see him not wanting to HUGE task of officating his brother’s wedding as making a demand. That is understandable. Why not let him do what he feels comfortable doing…?
Post # 13
I might be able to give you some insight on what your Future Brother-In-Law is thinking. My dad is a minister, so naturally a lot of people have been asking if he will officiate at my wedding. He told me from the beginning, however, that he would rather not. As a minister, preparing for a wedding takes a LOT of work and the day of can be very stressful. My dad wants to enjoy my wedding and just be the father of the bride rather than the minister that day. Maybe that’s how your Future Brother-In-Law feels–he just wants to be the brother of the groom and the best man and not the minister, which is his everyday job. I’m sure he was honored that you asked, but it might be best for everyone to get someone else to do the job so he can really enjoy the day.
Post # 14
@Scc6a – Thank you for your insight. Of course he shoud enojy the day and relax and perhaps he jumped the gun by saying yes originally.
To answer your question, no, FI’s brother would not be the best man. Fiance never thought of him as the best man. He preferred to ask a very close friend to be the best man and have his brother preside over the ceremony.
Yes, it is a huge task to preside over anyone’s nupitals. I am a little ticked that this has been discussed since March last year. We have discussed scriptures and other ceremony details to be used. Now with 8 months out, there is a sudden big issue. If he approached us about this a bit earlier with any issues with his role. But I want to open the lines of communication with him.
Post # 15
Is the brother aware that you guys don’t want him to be the best man? It seems like that would hurt his feelings too if he’s expecting it. I can understand him wanting to be in the bridal party. It’s a lot less stressful than officiating a wedding.
Post # 16
Since your FI does not want him as the Bridesmaid or Best Man. There really isn’t much to discuss. It is your wedding so he either accepts being the Officiant or he needs to just be a guest. That is really a shame, sounds like feelings are going to hurt. I wish you the best.