(Closed) FI best friend’s girlfriend

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@sheilamelo:  I am a straight forward person, so I would point blank ask her (in front of both of the men so she can’t twist anything later) why she acts this way

Post # 4
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

For sure don’t invite the confrontation. Be kind but don’t put forth effort anymore. Exchange pleasentires but that’s all.

Post # 5
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Don’t waste your time with her. I’ve dealt with a person like that before and there is no fixing it. Stop trying to add her to Facebook or have conversations with her completely. Be nice to her, but don’t go out of your way. 

Post # 6
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Crummy situation, and clearly it falls back on her.  I wouldn’t invite the confrontation since it appears evident to you that she isn’t interested in becoming friends (so wierd!); however, I would definitely see if Fiance can pull that info from his BFF…it would drive me bonkers just not knowing what her deal is with me!

Post # 7
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, if you’ve tried, you’ve tried! I would just not pursue her frienship any further. Just because they’re dating, doesn’t mean you have to be friends with her. Plus, if she makes no point to be your friend after your attempts, then why would you want a “friend” like that? …awkward. (That is how I would handle this anyways…everyone is different).

Post # 8
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

MrsSl82be Same here id ask her

Post # 9
82 posts
Worker bee

To be honest, I think you are trying way too hard. It’s really nice that you want to be friends with her and that you’re making an effort to get to know her. But for whatever reason, she’s not interested and has made that glaringly obvious. It’s a shame since your Fiance and her boyfriend are besties but you can’t make anyone be your friend.

Maybe you intimidate her, maybe she feels she already has friends. Whatever the reason, you’ll probably never know. Asking her outright might make the situation worse. Especially since she’s an awkward person. If things get ugly between the two of you, it could affect your Fiance and his best friend’s friendship.

Just remember, it’s not you. It’s her.

Post # 10
9669 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It really sounds as though your Fiance is right about this one, she might be jealous of you.  You can try to continue being nice and kind to her but don’t let her get you too upset.  Realize that this is her issue and nothing you’re doing wrong.

Post # 11
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wouldn’t bother asking her and I wouldn’t put forward any more effort to talk to her.  Be nice, but don’t try anymore.  At this stage in my life, I don’t need to make people like me.  My mom always told me, “If X doesn’t want to be friends with me, I have plenty of other people who do!”

Post # 12
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d still be nice to her when I see her, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be her friend anymore. She’s either painfully shy, or she’s just not a fan of yours. Kill her with kindness when you see her…otherwise, don’t waste your time!

Post # 13
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wrote a similar post recently. I totally get how frustrating this is. I’d say nothing though. You’re unlikely to get any kind of a satisfying response. Just know you’ve been the bigger person and let it go.

Post # 14
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Fiance and I have don’t have friends… so I don’t know what that is like.  BUT, I do know if I invited someone into MY home and they acted like that I would not invited them again.  Especially since I have tried multiple times to be civil.

Sounds like she is a |3!+[H and a smedge of jealousy maybe?

I would want to know why she is acting the way she is, but that’s just me.  I don’t like NOT knowing it drives me bonkers.

Post # 15
365 posts
Helper bee

I think asking outright would just make it worse. It’s clearly not something she wants to discuss with you. Reading about her behavior, it seems there’s something about you that makes her uncomfortable… and I doubt she’d be real comfortable having a heart to heart with you over it.

Can Fiance ask his friend about it? I think that if I was in her position, I’d rather discuss it with my boyfriend than with someone I really dislike. Maybe she heard something about you. Or maybe she misinterpreted something you said once, and it came off really bad, not how you intended. But if you’re interested in working it out, I think it might be better to be indirect.

Otherwise… I agree with PPs. Be nice, be friendly, but don’t try anymore.

Post # 16
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I understand the urge to ask, because it’s possible (although I have to say unlikely) there was some misunderstanding or you somehow unintentionally offended her and a friendship is still possible.

But generally, I liken this situation to dating a guy for a short while, he just stops calling, and a year later you run into him somewhere and you can’t help but ask why he stopped calling you. You’re probably not going to get the answer you want, or any answer (he’d probably just say he lost your number or he was going through a bad time or something that doesn’t tell you anything). If you confront her, most likely she’ll just play dumb and say her facebook randomly deleted you. She’s not going to say, I don’t want to be your friend because I’m jealous of you, or I don’t want want to be your friend because I find you annoying. And if she’s just a mean girl, knowing this bothers you will just give her a little thrill, and she’ll be able to recount to all her friends how desperate you are and have a good laugh. Just accept that certain people don’t click, and don’t take it personally.

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