(Closed) FI broke up with me Wednesday night….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

((hugs)) That’s definitely a stinky position. I know it’s hard but from what I’ve learned in my own experience… I would let him go. And I know it’s hard to think this way now, but thank God you found this out BEFORE marrying him… b/c then you would be dealing with divorce and there’s alot more emotion involved in that one.

So sorry to hear about how everything was done…. his selfishness is apparent with not just his incapability to give up “his teams” but even moreso in not talking to you face to face at a more appropriate time… selfishness has no place in a marriage, believe me marriage takes alot of work & with selfishness involved it usually doesn’t end well.

Definitely praying that you have peace, strength, and comfort and that this day will be the darkest of a new beginning.

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

((Hugs)) I’m so sorry this happened to you.  All I know to say is that everything happens for a reason… Its sounds so stupid, and I hated it when people said this to me (I went through the same thing a couple years ago), but I promise, it will get better.  Keep your chin up and remember that you are amazing, and you do not let him make you go to counseling.  He is obviously not going to make any sacrifices for you, dont do it for him.  Things need to be equal, not you giving everything and him taking. 

Post # 5
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m really sorry this happened to you so far along in your relationship, but like others have said, better now than later. It really is selfish of him to be that way about “his teams.” He basically told you that he’s more committed to his teams than he is to your relationship, which is ass-backwards if anything is. I know it’s hard to hear now – but I think he’s doing you a favor! If his teams are more important then it’s better to get out now. **Hug** I hope that made at least a little sense. :/

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I dont know the whole situation because its hard to tell it all online and because I may not be up to date on your posts.

But, from the sound of it he has already left this relationship before he told you. He is choosing his sports over you.  He did not think about how the breakup would effect you. To TEXT you? And even worse, to do it before an exam that he must have known about. If he really cared for you he would have been sensitive enough to do it in person and on a night when you could go home and call a friend.

He already “moved on” to some degree. 

It was an immature way to break up. I am sure you love him, are lost and want him back. But try to look at what he did and why- I am not saying focus on the negatives necessarily, but try to see the whole picture. Maybe he did YOU a favor in the long run?

Its not easy- it rarely is.   But you can do it and you will find someone that deserves you. He’s not the one.

Post # 7
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@pec1216:  How disheartening and upseting for you.  I couldn’t imagine dealing with such news, especially on the day of your final.  It sounds like he is really selfish and immature.  I would take some time to do some soul searching.  Ask yourself if HE has the qualities of the man you want to spend your life with, do you have the same goals in life, does he truly make you happy?  You may also want to ask the man upstairs for strength, to offer you signs, and to guide you in the right direction.  Hugs and God’s Blessing on you!

Post # 8
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So sorry this happened. But like said before it is better this happened now instead of after being married.

If he’s not wiling to try, then I’d say you will just have to let him go and find the path that is right for yourself.

Post # 9
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m really sorry he did that to you before your last final. I can’t imagine how you managed to go at all after such a severe blow. That was brave and very strong of you. Hopefully you passed!

I’m also sorry, but this situation sounds positively unsalvageable. He has already made his decision and I would, if I were you, do nothing to try to convince him he is making a mistake. It really is over once he stoops so low as to TEXT you to break up an ENGAGEMENT. Please do not let him back in. You can’t stand for that at all.

He wants to be single and dating, and it is AWFUL what he did, but it’s true, it’s better you found out now than later.

Good luck lady. Focus on friends and family right now. They will get you through this.

Post # 10
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I am SO sorry! That is seriously craptacular!

It really does sound like he moved on before he officially broke up with you. He’s already out with another girl? Yeah…his heart wasn’t in it.

It also sounds like he was trying to shift some blame onto you.He said you needed to go to counseling? Maybe you do, but don’t let him use that as his out. If you talk anymore, which I don’t think you should, call his BS. He wanted out and he has no right to try and ease his guilt by making it look like more of a you problem.

Get your stuff and get moving on. It is so tempting to get answers to your questions from him, but those answers really don’t matter! I promise! 

Try try try to get angry instead of sad. Get angry at him for being an ass and get your revenge, by going out and being as happy as you can possible be. You need to do this because you still have to keep your life going. You can’t miss finals over this, even though you certainly deserve to!

Develop a healthy “Fuck you too attitude” towards him. Do the break up thing. Get a makeover and go out with your girlfriends to bitch about what a loser he is. Sure, this isn’t the perfect way of dealing with these feelings, the perfect way would be the high road of acceptance and enlightenment blah blah blah, but I honestly think it makes it easier to allow this anger if you want to move on quicker.

Post # 12
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@pec1216: Make it easy on yourself – just tell the truth. He wasn’t ready for the committment that he had gotten into and so he bailed. No need to sugarcoat it for your family or friends or even the younger boys. This is not your fault – he chose to handle the situation the way he did and expects you to pick up the pieces and cover for him I’m sure. Don’t. Just be honest. I wish you the best of luck and hope this is as easy as possible for you.

Post # 13
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

@pec1216: You can say as much or as little as you want to. For adults a short “____ and I are no longer together.” They will understand by your tone (and your probably slightly pissed off look) the jist of what happened and usually will shut right up.

As far as what to tell the kids? Uh… I don’t know. How old are they?

Post # 14
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with pp.. just tell the truth and let them deal with it. You need to take this time to let your heart heal and everyone else can just deal with themselves.

I know it’s hard to look at all you’ve already invested but really thank God, I know I do for you, that this was before the I Do’s b/c it’s alot easier to explain a broken engagement than a broken marriage & divorce.

He is not ready for the commitment of marriage and I know that you deserve so much more.

Like one poster mentioned… take some time to make “that guy” that would really have the qualities that you want/need for you to feel loved and grow in a marriage. I Made my list after a broken engagement (I know the pain) it was VERY detailed and took me weeks to really make but in the end I realized that who I was with did not have those qualities and so I knew that I would’ve never been happy or fulfilled with him. Today, I can say that I’m so glad I did that b/c I found more than I couldn’t thought possible.

That’s my hope for you as well =)

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