Post # 1
I won’t go into personal details but FI’s father is not involved in his life in any shape or form anymore and never will be in the future…
Since the first day I met my Fiance, I have been dreaming of being the future mrs clayshulte (hence the user name)….yes, i knew when he drove by on his golf cart that he was The One….
3 and a half years later, we have been engaged for over a year and I just had my bridal shower where our new itnitials were the theme
Coco Chanel Shower
… and we have already received several gifts that include our monogram our our new last name….Some were very expensive and some that were homemade and probably took a long amount of time and care to do that I was hoping we would treasure for years to come.
His last name and our new monogram is on all of the invites that have been sent out and the wedding is less than 2 months away…
But now my Fiance is considering changing his last name right before the wedding so that he isnt affiliated with his father anymore.
Part of the reason we moved across the counrty last May was to get away from him and the town that associates that last name with his father. We thought that the distance would be enough but maybe its not….
I’m ok with changing our last name, i just feel like its the absolute worst timing in the world….
I grew up with a very unique (and unpronouncable) last name given to my family along time ago by the crown of denmark…Last names are just important to me…not that I want to keep my own…im excited to change it partly because I’m very traditional and I love my Fiance and partly because I’m excited to have a last name that people can pronounce and spell…. To my Fiance last names just arent important…I feel terrible for being so excited to take his last name in may when he doesnt even like his last name to begin with.
If we had had this conversation a few months ago it would be a different story but I also dont want to base a life changing descision on our wedding…i know its only 1 day.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Post # 3
I don’t have the same situation where my Fiance wants to change his name but I do hear you on changing your last name. My hertiage is very German and with that I have a super obnioux German name. While I love the history and meaning of my last name I also can’t wait to change to a name that people can pronounce and spell!
Hopefully you will work it out with your Fiance. I get where he is coming from but if a last name isn’t important to him is it worth changing?
Post # 4
@FutureMrsClayshulte: YES. My hubs did this before our wedding. For guys it’s a total pain to change their names, in our state we had to go to court to do it & it took about 4-5 months to do the whole process. Go to your county courthouse and they can give you details on what you have to do in your state. It’s easier in some states than others. Make sure you’d even be able to do it in time before you stress. If you can’t do in it time, then maybe do it later but before you have children? (with kids it gets even more complicated) and I’d wait to change your name until he decides what he’s doing. Good luck, it’s a pain in the ass! : (
Post # 5
It is fairly easy to change your last name as a woman who just got married, but in all other circumstances, it is a huge pain in the ass. Pretty much every state requires some sort of court approval. It is EXTREMELY unlikely that your Fiance will be able to complete the process before your wedding in 2 months, even if he literally started it today. I agree with PP, he probably thinks it’s just as simple as filling out some paperwork, but maybe once he realizes that it will take a long time for his name change to be approved, he won’t be so dead set on getting it done before the wedding, and you two can change it together down the road if he still wants to.
ETA: I had a friend who did this exact same thing for the exact same reason, and the entire process took him almost 7 months. It depends on the state how long it will take, but it will take a long time regardless of what state you’re in.
Post # 6
My SO has already changed his name once, and so has very strong opinions on it. He legally changed his name when he was 18 from his biological fathers’s name to the man who raised him and he calls Dad. However, his Dad and his mom have now divorced, so I was curious how he felt about keeping his step dad’s name. And after a long winded spcheel, he told me that he chose his name based off a man he resepected, and who still is his Dad, regardless of the divorce. I’ll be changing my name to his name, because that’s important to my SO (i threw out combining our names into one different last name, and he nixed that. darn it!)
He did say that changing his name was the worlds biggest hassle and part of the reason he wouldn’t do it is because of how long it took. He started the change before he was 18, so that may have added to it, but he was First Name Boyfriend or Best Friend Last name, then First Name Boyfriend or Best Friend Last Name-Dad Last name, and then finally First Name Dad Last name. It also cost him A LOT more then our female friends who changed their names at wedding, and he had to go to court and explain why he wanted to change his name. He said that the guy before him was denined his name change. It took him over a year to complete the legal name change.
Post # 7
It is expensive! Ours was at least $700 with all the fees etc.
Post # 8
Wow I didn’t know what a crazy process it was. I dont think he knows what he wants to do exactly. Has anyone doen this in South Carolina?
Post # 9
I know a few people who did this, I think your Fi has strong emotional reasons for changing his name and it’s probably been on his mind for a longtime.
What does he plan on changing it too? Maybe his mother’s maiden name I assuming.
Anyways I think even it is complicated and cost a lot you should just support him. At the end of the day his feelings and reason are valid, and even though it sucks more important to monogrammed gifts. There never a perfect time to do this and I actually think this is perfect timing, because it probably be a bigger clusterfuck if you changed your name to his current name, only to have both of you attempt to change your names again later.
Post # 10
I understand his wanting to change it but maybe ask him to look in to it now but wait until after the wedding to make sure he is sure and just not burden himself with it now. I mean he only has to wait 2 months. That way he knows he is 100% sure because once he changes it and you change yours if he changes his mind again this is going to be a huge pain for both of you. It will already be a huge pain for him!
I looked up law in SC, your Fiance will need to be fingerprinted, have a background check done, pay fees and other stuff.