(Closed) FI cheated and broke off our engagement.. feeling very lost.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry to hear that your engagement is over, but it sounds like you dodged a big, giant, cheating bullet!  He sounds like such a jerk.  You certainly deserve to be treated better than that!  I can’t imagine having someone who I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life telling me “absolutely not” when I ask them to come support me while a parent is sick.  That is outrageous!  I’m glad to hear your are in counseling and have a good support system.  It will hurt for a while but you will find someone who loves you and cares for you again.

Post # 4
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry your ex-fi treated you like this, grieving the end of a relationship is so hard. but I seriously want to applaud you for standing up for yourself, and it sounds like you’re in such a great place mentally and emotionally to start healing from this! once when I was really having a tough time, my mom told me “you’re stronger than you think you are,” and I always find it inspiring when I’m going through rough patches: you sound so strong here, you can pull through this!  

Post # 5
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Just keep telling yourself what you said at the end- thank god you realized this before you were married! You’ll find someone who is deserving of you and who doesn’t keep “finding connections” with other people (what does that even mean???) 

Post # 6
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you dodged a bullet. He was unworthy of you and I hope you find someone deserving of your love. If not, you are still better off alone than with him. 

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Good for you for being so strong and smart about the break up. Of course it hurts, but someday you’ll be so happy and relieved that you didn’t waste any more time with this asshole. Who the f**k says ‘absolutely not’ to someone they supposedly love whose father is in ICU?  Only a dickhead in my opinion, and I think that’s putting it rather nicely.  You are so much better without this jerk.  Believe it.  Take care of yourself, and you will find someone who loves you the way you deserve.

Post # 8
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

So sorry to hear that you’re going through this, but it certainly sounds like you already know you dodged quite a bullet on this one.  Your ex-FI sounds like the ultimate selfish, childish DOUCHE.  *HUG* you really need this one.

Post # 9
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

He does not sound like he’s good enough for you. You should be with someone who puts you and your needs as first priority, not just an option. 

Post # 10
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I’m so sorry that your engagement ended. However, he does not deserve you. You obviously put way more work into the relationship and cared more for him than he ever did for you. I would take this time to do you and I know that you will find that person who will treat you like you deserve to be treated! Keep your chin up!

Post # 11
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry you had to go through all this mess, but I think you will look back in the not so distant future and be really grateful for it ending

Post # 12
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@lyd622:  You had asked if anyone else has gone through a similar situation so here goes. I posted on this very forum around a week ago. My ex was similar to yours: he cheated on me (at least emotionally) twice, lied to me constantly, took no responsibility for his own mistakes while blaming me for everything, expected me to be his parents’ servant but disrespected and pushed aside mine and so on and so forth. In fact, I have a suspicion that he has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I was nothing more than a source of narcissistic supply for him. Anyway, long story short, I have dumped him and never felt better. He is still begging me to take him back (even came over to my parents’ house) but I turn a deaf ear to his entreaties. My point is, you don’t deserve this twisted and contaminated relationship. You were whole and complete before you met your fiance, and you will be whole and complete now that you have left him again. You don’t deserve to go through the turmoil and humiliation of being cheated on, it is bad for your soul, your confidence and morale. Try to see it this way: your fiance was the only thing standing in the way of your happiness. With him out of the way, you can embrace and enjoy life once again. He hasn’t given you anything that is so valuable that you cannot replace it with the genuine love and support of your near and dear ones. Stay strong. 

Post # 13
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry, this must be such a hard situation for you, but as you said, better now than after marriage.

Post # 14
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have been through a similar heart wrenching break up and I felt like everything I knew was gone.  I know the very disorienting feeling you are going through.  To one day be planning a future with someone and the next day moving your stuff out.  It’s scary but it sounds like you are doing everything right.  Take time for yourself and open yourself up to new possibilities.  My break up lead to me marrying a better man last June.  If it makes you feel any better mine didn’t cheat on me but I rather found out he has molested a child but just as shocking and disorienting.  Stay strong.  Things do get better.  

Post # 15
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you know what kind of person he is and it took a lot of courage to see that it will not work out… EVER. So hopefully, when and if he comes sniffing around again, you can send him on his way without a second thought. Be proud of the strength you will gain by this. Knowing he is “abusive” is the best thing you learned in this relationship. 

Be strong and proud and more importantly, LOVE yourself. xoxox

Post # 16
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS )) because I know this is a tough place to be in life.

The GOOD NEWS is your post tells me that you clearly have your head screwed on right… and KNOW that this situation / relationship / man isn’t WHERE you want to be

He has a pattern of letting you down… and straying (despite whatever he says does or doesn’t happen… he has a wandering eye)

You DO NOT want to live another minute of your life this way (and certainly not a lifetime)

So ya… time to do the right thing… and kick him to the curb !!

It won’t be easy… a split is never easy when it is someone you’ve loved… and more so if there was a long time relationship / lots of history

BUT you KNOW IT IS THE RIGHT THING

YES it will take time to get over it / him.  And it is perfectly fine to grieve that loss (his loss tho really when you think about it… as he has LOST YOU… one of the most unique and AMAZING women he’ll ever meet… even if he doesn’t know it now)

Take the time you need to heal.

Take the time to rediscover, and FALL IN LOVE

With YOURSELF

And feel free to hang out here on WBee chatting with other amazing women… altho this Website was orignally created for those who are Engaged / Getting Married, it has clearly evolved into a place where women support each other.

Join in various conversations (there are whole sections of WBee that are Not Wedding Related = Not Wedding Related)

PS… For the record, I was married for 20+ Years and it was an abusive relationship, when I found the courage to leave in my mid 40s, I KNEW it was the RIGHT THING to do in my heart & head … BUT I also thought that I’d not find love again.  I was SOOO WRONG…

By leaving I was able to open the door to the possibility of finding a much better man and stronger LOVE connection.  And I promise you will too !!

 

 

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